Rebellious, chapter 8
Occupy her mind
DEP
"I'm going to a Green Day concert today I'm going to a Green Day concert today I'm going to a Green Day concert today!!!"
Have you seen in some cheesy movies, when a girl walks out her bedroom and says "I'm getting married today, I'm getting married today!!"? Yeah Eileen is a lot lot worse than that.
"Yes you are, sweetie, but come and have breakfast now." Nora tells her.
"I can't eat, I'm too nervous. I got to go figure out what I'm going to wear. I have narrowed it down to six options."
"If you don't stop screaming I'll come to the kitchen and leave you bold." I shout at her, still having my head covered by my pillow.
She opens the door of my bedroom and jumps on the bed, giving me a BIG kiss on the cheek, something she only did once, back in fourth grade and then I unzipped her pants in front of the entire class, to make her realise how embarrassed she had made me.
"For the first time is almost ten years, I am going to see Billie Joe again," She says, getting up and jumping on my bed while I am still on it, half asleep.
"Eileen you are going to be twenty fucking years old in a week, don't you think it's time to stop the screaming?"
"No, because you love me that way darling. And I am going to a Green Day concert today!"
"I know. I bought the tickets and I happen to be going to same Green Day concert."
"I'm gonna see Billie Joe again."
"Yes you are, now let me sleep."
"Will we able to see him from that seats we have? Or it's going to be tiny people who look a bit like Green Day?"
"Don't worry; it's a bit difficult to miss BJ."
"I hope you don't imply that he's fat. He has just gained a little weight. Everyone goes through that. He will lose it."
"Of course he will. Now shh, night night."
"I'M GOING TO A GREEN DAY CONCERT TODAY."
"I WILL LEAVE YOU BOLD I SWEAR!"
"Okay fine I'm going."
Who am I kidding I'm never going to get any sleep. She will go to Judy's room now and she'll wake her up and jump on her bed, saying the same crap and we all know that Judy is not going to be able to send her to hell, like I did, so Eileen will keep on rambling about the concert and ten or fifteen minutes later she will actually realise she is going to see Green Day and the authentic hysteria will start then.
I love Green Day to death, they're one of my favourite groups but let's face the music here: they're the reason I'm going to turn into an insomniac.
I knew that this whole living together idea was going to turn into a tragedy. But what could I say, I had two homeless friends and one who would kill her parents if she stayed with them one more day. And that was two years ago so I guess I've missed my chance now.
Eileen comes in again after half an hour with messy hair and no blouse on, unzipped pants and her lipstick spread all over her face.
"Did...did someone get you laid while I was trying to sleep?"
"I'm collecting opinions. Should I wear my black jeans with the grey blouse that has the sexy front or should I wear my blue jeans with the Green Day T-Shirt so anybody can tell I'm a fanatic?"
"I don't know, we have Nora to answer all this."
"I just want to hear what each of you think. Nora says that I should wear my blue jeans with my pink tank top and have a ponytail because she thinks I look cute like that but I'm afraid people will start calling me a teenie if I show up in pink. And Judy thinks I should wear my black mini skirt, with the leather boots and the grey blouse with the sexy front but then maybe people will think I'm a slut."
"I don't know."
"Come on Deppie, you've seen me wearing all of this. In which outfit do I look the best?"
"You let me sleep another ten minutes and I'll answer."
"Drummer's promise?"
"Yeah whatever."
"I'll be back drummer girl."
She's great with the pink tank top and the blue jeans and her hair up in a ponytail, I have to agree with Nora on that one but if I tell her that, she is going to drive me crazy with how she's not sure and then she'll remember she has other clothes that may look good on her and we'll be back on square one. Which is me, not getting any sleep.
And I don't even know what she finds attractive in BJ.
***
NORA
Let's just forget about Eileen for a second alright? In fact, let's pretend that Eileen doesn't exist; that we have another lead singer who is not so crazy about Green Day, who does not believe that this is going to be the most important day of her life and who definitely is not convinced that she is meant to be together with a man who is already married, with kids.
It's still an exciting day isn't it? We're going to a great concert, we're gonna scream and dance, we may meet new people... it's going to be good!
Judy comes out of the bathroom combing her hair and opens the fridge to take some juice; then she says good morning.
"Good morning. Where's Eileen?"
"Torturing Dep. If she's not out in five minutes we'll have to worry."
"How did you sleep?"
"Weird. I kept having this nightmare about choking with a grape and being unable to shout for help."
"Tough."
"I know. But then Lionel Richie came to rescue me and took me to a disco."
"Tougher."
"I know, but that was when you guys came to rescue me from him and then we all started flying above a beach and Dep dove in the water and came out as little Mermaid."
"Ooh, sexy."
She takes two cookies and goes to the TV, resting her feet on the table when a loud bang is heard from Dep's room. Poor girl, she hadn't even agreed to the whole moving in together suggestion, but she was forced to go on board because of the state her friends were in.
Judy and I look at each other and start to laugh, both thinking of how hilarious it would seem, Eileen screaming about Green Day and Dep banging her head on the bed. After a while the noise stops and Judy wonders if the killing is done.
"I don't think so, Eileen's last words would be 'Billie, take me to Billie!'"
"Of course."
I join her on the couch, with three cookies for myself and we spend a moment in silence, trying to hear what's going on in the room. Then we shrug it off and open the TV, to watch the cooking channel. We all agree that one of these days we have to learn how to make spaghetti and soup, at least. If Dep wasn't the hottie of Burger King, we would all starve to death.
"Wait, wait! GREEN DAY ON MTV!" After those magic words, Eileen storms out of Dep's room, grabs the remote control from Judy and raises the volume. 'Minority' is her favourite video clip so far, followed by 'Redundant' and 'Waiting'. She is literally ecstatic whenever they appear on some channel, or she hears one of their songs on the radio. At first it was really amusing to watch but now I am used to it so I can pay attention to the number and not the lovey-dovey expressions my band mate makes, whenever there's a close up on Billie.
Yeah their sound is really classic; they have amazing lyrics I'll give them that as well. And while I believe that Billie is not so capable of getting your attention when he's not singing, they have Tre to add the craziness and Mike to add the style, so it's the perfect recipe.
Nobody ever talks about Green Day without mentioning Eileen, so whenever we start a conversation about them we end up talking about our lead singer so I haven't really expressed my exact opinion.
Mike is gorgeous. I can tell Judy watches him more than the others and sometimes she even blushes so that means she has some nasty thoughts about him! But she would never admit it. Tre is really funny, he seems crazier than Dep but less loud. And I love how he changes his hair colour in every video. And I also find him very sexy in "Walking Contradiction".
The phone rings and Judy runs to answer it, knowing perfectly well that I won't bother getting up and Eileen is not even hearing it.
"Hi...yes it is...this is Judy...I'm the lead guitarist...No the lead guitarist...Eileen sings...Yes we have a bass...Nora...Of course, her name is Dep...We used to play at an underground club called 'Black Jack' but we quitted a year ago...Yeah we play in two places now...Uum sure the one is called Chez Mon, it's something like a very classy café and the other is called House of Rock. We play better there, we don't have to wear chic dresses and we're allowed to swear... "
'Minority' has now ended so both me and Eileen are listening to Judy's conversation intently. Who is she talking to anyway?
"Sure yeah...We have the day off today but tomorrow we'll be there all night. Okay bye." She hangs up, grabs a magazine, sits on the couch and starts reading. Man does she have to do that every time?
"What?"
"Who was that?"
"Oh yeah that was a record producer who says he wants us to sign a contract."
"WHAT?"
"HE WANTS US TO SIGN A CONTRACT!!!"
***
MIKE
It's good being back on tour; I had almost forgotten how it felt like.
Hell I had almost forgotten how it felt like being with the guys. I will never admit it but a part of me believed that this was the end of Green Day. But no sir! Not only have we made the most awesome come back, 'Minority' went to number one faster than any other song we have ever released! Now if that's not enough reason to give a memorable concert what is?
Tre's hair is green today which is my personal favourite and Billie is now dyeing his back to black which is also what I like best on him, apart from when he had dreadlocks, because every time I looked at him I was almost pissing myself laughing. Maybe that's why he got rid of them.
"Have you talked with Estelle?" Tre asks searching for his drum sticks again. The day he finds them without making everything look like a fucking atom bomb exploded is the day I'm taking off all my clothes and walk in front of my daughter's classmates.
"Yeah I talked to her yesterday. Anna said she might bring her for a week or so."
"Cool."
"Yeah. What about Ramona and Frankito?"
"Claudia doesn't want Frankito to travel anywhere she thinks he's catching a cold or something. I talked to Lisea and I'll go see Ramona when we finish with the tour and stuff."
"Cool."
"Yeah." It's really great isn't it? Here are two people who haven't even turned thirty, both divorced (in Tre's case divorced twice) and with kids spread on America... Man sometimes I think I'm pathetic. But no! Wait! I'm happy today, because of all these reasons I previously said. 'Minority' being the fastest number one and all that. It's a pretty damn good reason to be happy right? Of course it is.
Billie comes out, drying his now black hair and asks what we were talking about. I tell him we were just discussing how great it is to be back on tour and how I love that 'Warning' is appreciated and how we'll fucking rock the crowd today and Tre shots me a questioning look, because we were actually talking about our sons and daughters.
See, in my mind, I was thinking about all of that 'Warning' and being back together stuff so sometimes I confuse what I think with what I say. Yeah, like you never do that.
"I know man it's amazing. I've missed being on the road."
Billie answers. He and Adrienne just got over another rough patch so he is in a good mood as well. I'm telling you; today is going to be a very special day.
"We should go over the list one more time guys," I tell them grabbing my bass.
"We should once I find MY FUCKING DRUM STICKS!"
"Tre your drumsticks are in the bathroom. Now I really don't want to know why they are in there, but if you could go and take them so we can practice, it would be great." Billie tells him.
Tre goes to the bathroom, happy to be reunited with his beloved drumsticks and comes back singing "Sole Mio".
"Here's the list of the songs." Billie hands me a piece of paper. Tre starts whining that he wants to read it first so I give it to him, laughing.
"Alright: Song number one, Minority. Song number two, Warning. Song number three, Waiting... " At this point I grab the paper back and tell him he is too fucking slow.
And then I see the list myself.
1.Minority
2.Warning
3.Waiting
4.Deadbeat Holiday
5.Nice Guys Finish Last
6.The Crouch
7.Redundant
8.Church on Sunday
9.Long View
10.She
11.Basket Case
12.Walking Contradiction
13.Brain Stew
14.Jaded
15.Misery
16.Good Riddance(Time of Your Life)
"Sounds good," I tell Billie and then hand the paper back to Tre who starts reading it out loud again.
Man, nothing beats this feeling of anticipation before a gig. The fact that a place which looks empty now, is going to be packed with thousands of people waiting to go nuts with the first cord of a guitar is just something that you can't understand, unless you've felt it. And finally after almost two years of absence I can feel it again.
***
JUDY
"Are you absolutely, one hundred percent sure?"
"Yes honey you look awesome. But if we don't leave now we won't find a good spot and you may end up not being able to see Billie clearly."
"Oh my God you're right let's go!"
Eileen decided to wear what Nora told her, except for the pink tank top. She borrowed my white shirt and the black belt Nora had given me for my eighteenth birthday instead. She looks really good. We've all agreed to dress casually because it's her day and she should stand apart.
"Can you believe it Green Day and record deal all on the same day? How lucky are we?"
We all started screaming our guts out when I told them about the record producer and how he was interested in us. Dep broke Nora's favourite vase but she was so happy, she didn't even pretend to be mad. We couldn't calm down for something like two hours, it was nice.
And now we're going to our first Green Day concert which is also very nice.
"I'm so nervous."
"I know I'm getting nervous too." Nora says.
"Why exactly?"
"Dep!! Green Day! The first concert after two years of doing nothing! The first time we see them live! There are lots of things to get nervous about!" Of course I don't really remember the last time Dep was nervous about something.
The place is full of people when we get there but none of us worries. Nora's way of persuading situations is admirable really. She will pat her eyes, she will touch some shoulders, she will say some nice words and we'll get a nice spot. And if Nora's magic doesn't work, Dep's punches are admirable too.
"So now we wait." I say, sitting on the grass.
"Yep. Now we wait." Dep hurries to join me. She lies her entire body down and closes her eyes and I shake her because I am positive she will try to sleep.
"So, record deal hugh?"
"It's so exciting!! I hope this producer guy likes us!"
"Of course he'll like us Eileen why would he call otherwise?"
"I know but what if he changes his mind?"
"He won't honey."
"It was about time someone discovered us," Dep says, sitting up and rubbing her hands to get rid of the grass that stuck on them. "I was getting sick of the fucking dresses anyway."
"Well they paid for this gig you know." Nora answers, still defending Chez Mon.
It's actually a nice café; the money is great too. But I gotta agree with Dep, chic dresses and proper behaviour doesn't suit us. And if we sing a song with even one 'fuck' we're screwed.
"How much time do we have left?" Eileen asks, without taking her eyes off the stage. Nora looks at her watch and tells her that they will be out in fifteen minutes.
"Oh my God, I think I'm going to pass out."
"Not again!" Dep begs. I am starting to get eager as well.
"I WANT TO BE THE MINORITY! I DON'T NEED YOUR AUTHORITY! DOWN WITH THE MORAL MAJORITY, CAUSE I WANT TO BE THE MINORITY!"
Okay I am not going to try and describe how it feels, watching Green Day on stage. See, that's the step back when it comes to narrations, in moments like
this, there are no words matching your experience.
People are jumping around, screaming as Billie Joe sings, I don't even remember my name, I've never heard Eileen shouting like this (and my bedroom is right next to hers if you're catching my drift here) and Mike's bass is so loud, I feel my guts are going to pop out of me. But still you can't understand how it feels.
"I pledge allegiance to the underworld. One nation underdog there of which I stand alone. A face in the crowd unsung against the mold. Without a doubt, singled out, the only way I know..."
I wish it could never end. I wish it could never end. I wish it could never end.
"Stepped out of the line...like a sheep runs from the herd...marching out of time...to my own beat now...the only way I know. One light, one mind, flashing in the dark... Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts. "For crying out loud" she screamed under me. A free for all, fuck them all, you are your own sight."
It's never going to end. It's never going to end. It's never going to end.
***
EILEEN
"Not fair. It shouldn't end so quickly. At Woodstock they went on for three days!" Nora complains. Of course I can't talk. It will take me a fair amount of time to talk again. But Nora is right. This can't end like this.
"I know. It was an amazing gig," Dep agrees. Dep, also known as the woman who never loses her calm, has just used the word 'amazing'. You can understand just how good this concert was.
"Girls can you go home without me?" They all look at me funny.
"Why what's up?" Dep asks, yawning.
"I think I lost my pin. I don't want you staying here, you're all exhausted. Dep is wasted."
"That's true," Our drummer agrees.
"Okay. But if you need anything call okay?" One of these days I'm going to wonder why Nora seems the eldest of all four when she's really the youngest.
"Sure. Bye." I kiss and hug all of them and then I go to look for my pin as the last ones from the crowd leave.
Of course it's a lie, I haven't lost my pin. I didn't even bring my pin with me, because if I did I'd lose it. But I won't leave the gig before there's an actual ending. An ending that appeals to me.
"You can't pass." The security guy tells me.
"I know I can't. But I have a backstage ticket."
"Let me see it."
"Here."
"That's a napkin."
"Oh right." I take a pen out of my pocket and write the words 'backstage ticket' on the napkin.
"See? Now I have a backstage ticket."
"It's still a napkin that says 'backstage ticket' on it."
"You're tough to work with, you know that?"
"Look missy I can't let anyone pass and as cute as you may be, rules are rules."
Aha, wrong move my friend, you've just showed me you're weak.
"When do the guys come out?"
"One hour and a half after the concert."
"So that means you have time right?"
"And then I moved out of my house and haven't talked to my mom ever since."
"And where do you live now?"
"With my friends. We rented a nice place because our bassist is rich. And her parents didn't kick her out she just couldn't stand them anymore. And today before we came here, a producer called and said he's got a record deal for us."
"Cool."
"Yeah. Maybe when I get famous you will let me pass and see the man I love for just three seconds."
I smile at him and brush his hand with mine. He's not handsome, way too big for my taste, but I would French kiss a frog right now to get to my goal. And I can clearly see he's backing down. He's got the whole 'I wish I could let you pass' look on his face so it's just a matter of minutes.
"I know you might lose your job...but I won't be noticed by anyone...I won't say a word to him I swear..."
One...two...three... "I can't believe I'm doing this."
"Oh yeah I love you!" I give him a quick kiss on the lips as a reward and I note to myself that I should not break down before I'm on my own. He gives me directions, warns me to be very careful and if anyone asks, I do not even know what he looks like. Once I go in and I'm far enough for him not to see me, I cover my mouth with my hand so I can't scream. And I keep going further and further, feeling like I'm in a dream. The best dream ever, I'm going to see Green Day.
***
BILLIE
"I am never quitting this band! Never, never, never!!" Tre jumps and sings and Mike laughs at him and then Tre jumps on Mike and they both fall on the floor.
"I'm never quitting this band! You hear that?"
"Yes Tre I heard you. I'm never quitting this band either."
"I don't care if you do quit dude, we'll get another guy in your place you're of minor importance. Have you seen my drumsticks?"
I feel fulfilled. I hadn't done that in a while. I wonder how I was able to live without the contact with the fans. I mean, watching all these people worshiping you had so become part of me and when I lost it I was really fucked up for quite a while. And now that I found it again I can't seem to understand how I survived without it. Does any of that make sense? Anyway that is just the way I feel.
Playing live can give you the exact definition of natural high. You suddenly feel like all your problems are solved even if you're having the worst day ever. You feel like you're the king of the world.
"Won't Adrienne mind if you're kissing girls on stage?" Mike asks me, hiding Tre's drumsticks in his pockets.
"She doesn't mind anything I do as Billie Joe Armstrong singer of Green Day. She didn't mind when I dropped my pants down, she sure as hell won't mind an innocent kiss." There are no feelings when it comes to stage kisses. It's not like I bring my mistress up there (I don't have a mistress, I'm just saying) and kiss her in front of every one. It's just some random girl.
"Um hi may I help you?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm not talking to you Beej I'm talking to the lady behind you."
I turn around and see a young girl, standing on the door, not saying a word just looking at me so intensely I feel the need to turn my head away. But she approaches me, wraps both her hands around my shoulders and before I can do anything she has placed her lips on mine.
The thing is I don't react to this. I don't know why, but I'm not pushing her away which is technically very wrong. I kiss her back, having already forgotten about Mike and Tre who are probably watching the scene with their jaws dropped. She just holds me so tightly and she...smells so good I can't bring myself stopping it.
She is cold; her tongue in my mouth is cold, her hands touching my face are cold, the skin of her waist is cold... (yes I'm holding her waist. I know I know it's wrong.)
But it's nice cold... it's like the wind in summer. Surprising and pleasant.
I wish she wouldn't pull away, but eventually one of us had to (because of lack of oxygen) and I don't even have the chance to say one word to her after she takes some distance from me. She just smiles and runs away without letting me hear her voice.
Well that was surely unexpected.
"What did I just watch?" Tre has wide eyes and can't speak properly. Splendid.
"Do you know her?"
"No. First time I've seen her in my life!"
"She was hot though right?" Tre says that. But I didn't need to make clear who said it, it was the most expected thing from him. And of course he is right, the annoying bastard.
Who is that girl? Obviously she's a fan or else she wouldn't go to all this trouble just for a kiss when she can have tons of them everywhere she goes. And obviously she is clever, to get pass security. That's all I know about her; a clever Green Day fan who just walked in this room and kissed me.
Wait I should start feeling guilty right about now... right?
***
JUDY
"Why are you still up, it's almost morning." Eileen whispers and bends on the couch to give me a kiss. I tell her I am still electrified by the concert so I couldn't sleep and she just smiles and sits next to me.
"Did you find your pin?" I ask, lying and resting my head on her lap while she begins stroking my hair. We used to do that when we were younger before we went to sleep.
"Yes I did. I found everything."
"Good."
"Hey... "
"What?"
"I wrote this on the way here." She hands me a napkin.
"It says 'Backstage Ticket' on it."
"Flip it to the other side silly."
"Okay... " She hates when I read out loud whatever she writes, so I go through the words silently. Ah it's one of her songs. All her songs confuse me so much; she is the happiest person you'll ever meet and yet her lyrics are always bittersweet or just bitter and sad. Why does that happen? I mean if anyone should be writing sad lyrics it's me, I'm supposed to be the melancholic one of the group. I've never talked to her about it, but I've always wondered.
Closes her eyes and hears your sweet voice singing softly in her ears. But she's not the one you're singing to but this don't keep those tears from running down her cheeks she can hear you yeah, she can hear you speak.
"It's wonderful."
"Yeah? You read it all?"
"No just the first couple of sentences but I had to say it."
You found your way into her head and she can't seem to get you out; thinking it over and over and over. These things that occupy her mind. Empty halls and stark, white walls echo all there ever was. It's all it ever takes to Occupy her mind.
"I guess you had the proper inspiration for this ode to love right?"
"Very true."
Closes her eyes and she can feel your soft hands lightly touch her face. But you're not the one that's touching her. But this just doesn't change the things she feels within Oh, she can feel you yeah, she can feel your skin.
"I think you should repeat the chorus here."
"Where?"
"Right here after the 'she can feel your skin'"
"Maybe you're right."
Closes her eyes, they kiss your lips stomach flutters with wet lashes it's just too real to be a dream. So tell her now just what you think of how this could never be. Oh, but you want it and you know she wants you to.
"How are you going to name it?"
"Occupy Her Mind."
"Have you found a melody yet?"
"Not really. I have something in mind but I'm not sure."
"You want to work on it until the others wake up?"
"Of course! I'll go take my guitar."
"I'll make some tea."
DEP
"I'm going to a Green Day concert today I'm going to a Green Day concert today I'm going to a Green Day concert today!!!"
Have you seen in some cheesy movies, when a girl walks out her bedroom and says "I'm getting married today, I'm getting married today!!"? Yeah Eileen is a lot lot worse than that.
"Yes you are, sweetie, but come and have breakfast now." Nora tells her.
"I can't eat, I'm too nervous. I got to go figure out what I'm going to wear. I have narrowed it down to six options."
"If you don't stop screaming I'll come to the kitchen and leave you bold." I shout at her, still having my head covered by my pillow.
She opens the door of my bedroom and jumps on the bed, giving me a BIG kiss on the cheek, something she only did once, back in fourth grade and then I unzipped her pants in front of the entire class, to make her realise how embarrassed she had made me.
"For the first time is almost ten years, I am going to see Billie Joe again," She says, getting up and jumping on my bed while I am still on it, half asleep.
"Eileen you are going to be twenty fucking years old in a week, don't you think it's time to stop the screaming?"
"No, because you love me that way darling. And I am going to a Green Day concert today!"
"I know. I bought the tickets and I happen to be going to same Green Day concert."
"I'm gonna see Billie Joe again."
"Yes you are, now let me sleep."
"Will we able to see him from that seats we have? Or it's going to be tiny people who look a bit like Green Day?"
"Don't worry; it's a bit difficult to miss BJ."
"I hope you don't imply that he's fat. He has just gained a little weight. Everyone goes through that. He will lose it."
"Of course he will. Now shh, night night."
"I'M GOING TO A GREEN DAY CONCERT TODAY."
"I WILL LEAVE YOU BOLD I SWEAR!"
"Okay fine I'm going."
Who am I kidding I'm never going to get any sleep. She will go to Judy's room now and she'll wake her up and jump on her bed, saying the same crap and we all know that Judy is not going to be able to send her to hell, like I did, so Eileen will keep on rambling about the concert and ten or fifteen minutes later she will actually realise she is going to see Green Day and the authentic hysteria will start then.
I love Green Day to death, they're one of my favourite groups but let's face the music here: they're the reason I'm going to turn into an insomniac.
I knew that this whole living together idea was going to turn into a tragedy. But what could I say, I had two homeless friends and one who would kill her parents if she stayed with them one more day. And that was two years ago so I guess I've missed my chance now.
Eileen comes in again after half an hour with messy hair and no blouse on, unzipped pants and her lipstick spread all over her face.
"Did...did someone get you laid while I was trying to sleep?"
"I'm collecting opinions. Should I wear my black jeans with the grey blouse that has the sexy front or should I wear my blue jeans with the Green Day T-Shirt so anybody can tell I'm a fanatic?"
"I don't know, we have Nora to answer all this."
"I just want to hear what each of you think. Nora says that I should wear my blue jeans with my pink tank top and have a ponytail because she thinks I look cute like that but I'm afraid people will start calling me a teenie if I show up in pink. And Judy thinks I should wear my black mini skirt, with the leather boots and the grey blouse with the sexy front but then maybe people will think I'm a slut."
"I don't know."
"Come on Deppie, you've seen me wearing all of this. In which outfit do I look the best?"
"You let me sleep another ten minutes and I'll answer."
"Drummer's promise?"
"Yeah whatever."
"I'll be back drummer girl."
She's great with the pink tank top and the blue jeans and her hair up in a ponytail, I have to agree with Nora on that one but if I tell her that, she is going to drive me crazy with how she's not sure and then she'll remember she has other clothes that may look good on her and we'll be back on square one. Which is me, not getting any sleep.
And I don't even know what she finds attractive in BJ.
***
NORA
Let's just forget about Eileen for a second alright? In fact, let's pretend that Eileen doesn't exist; that we have another lead singer who is not so crazy about Green Day, who does not believe that this is going to be the most important day of her life and who definitely is not convinced that she is meant to be together with a man who is already married, with kids.
It's still an exciting day isn't it? We're going to a great concert, we're gonna scream and dance, we may meet new people... it's going to be good!
Judy comes out of the bathroom combing her hair and opens the fridge to take some juice; then she says good morning.
"Good morning. Where's Eileen?"
"Torturing Dep. If she's not out in five minutes we'll have to worry."
"How did you sleep?"
"Weird. I kept having this nightmare about choking with a grape and being unable to shout for help."
"Tough."
"I know. But then Lionel Richie came to rescue me and took me to a disco."
"Tougher."
"I know, but that was when you guys came to rescue me from him and then we all started flying above a beach and Dep dove in the water and came out as little Mermaid."
"Ooh, sexy."
She takes two cookies and goes to the TV, resting her feet on the table when a loud bang is heard from Dep's room. Poor girl, she hadn't even agreed to the whole moving in together suggestion, but she was forced to go on board because of the state her friends were in.
Judy and I look at each other and start to laugh, both thinking of how hilarious it would seem, Eileen screaming about Green Day and Dep banging her head on the bed. After a while the noise stops and Judy wonders if the killing is done.
"I don't think so, Eileen's last words would be 'Billie, take me to Billie!'"
"Of course."
I join her on the couch, with three cookies for myself and we spend a moment in silence, trying to hear what's going on in the room. Then we shrug it off and open the TV, to watch the cooking channel. We all agree that one of these days we have to learn how to make spaghetti and soup, at least. If Dep wasn't the hottie of Burger King, we would all starve to death.
"Wait, wait! GREEN DAY ON MTV!" After those magic words, Eileen storms out of Dep's room, grabs the remote control from Judy and raises the volume. 'Minority' is her favourite video clip so far, followed by 'Redundant' and 'Waiting'. She is literally ecstatic whenever they appear on some channel, or she hears one of their songs on the radio. At first it was really amusing to watch but now I am used to it so I can pay attention to the number and not the lovey-dovey expressions my band mate makes, whenever there's a close up on Billie.
Yeah their sound is really classic; they have amazing lyrics I'll give them that as well. And while I believe that Billie is not so capable of getting your attention when he's not singing, they have Tre to add the craziness and Mike to add the style, so it's the perfect recipe.
Nobody ever talks about Green Day without mentioning Eileen, so whenever we start a conversation about them we end up talking about our lead singer so I haven't really expressed my exact opinion.
Mike is gorgeous. I can tell Judy watches him more than the others and sometimes she even blushes so that means she has some nasty thoughts about him! But she would never admit it. Tre is really funny, he seems crazier than Dep but less loud. And I love how he changes his hair colour in every video. And I also find him very sexy in "Walking Contradiction".
The phone rings and Judy runs to answer it, knowing perfectly well that I won't bother getting up and Eileen is not even hearing it.
"Hi...yes it is...this is Judy...I'm the lead guitarist...No the lead guitarist...Eileen sings...Yes we have a bass...Nora...Of course, her name is Dep...We used to play at an underground club called 'Black Jack' but we quitted a year ago...Yeah we play in two places now...Uum sure the one is called Chez Mon, it's something like a very classy café and the other is called House of Rock. We play better there, we don't have to wear chic dresses and we're allowed to swear... "
'Minority' has now ended so both me and Eileen are listening to Judy's conversation intently. Who is she talking to anyway?
"Sure yeah...We have the day off today but tomorrow we'll be there all night. Okay bye." She hangs up, grabs a magazine, sits on the couch and starts reading. Man does she have to do that every time?
"What?"
"Who was that?"
"Oh yeah that was a record producer who says he wants us to sign a contract."
"WHAT?"
"HE WANTS US TO SIGN A CONTRACT!!!"
***
MIKE
It's good being back on tour; I had almost forgotten how it felt like.
Hell I had almost forgotten how it felt like being with the guys. I will never admit it but a part of me believed that this was the end of Green Day. But no sir! Not only have we made the most awesome come back, 'Minority' went to number one faster than any other song we have ever released! Now if that's not enough reason to give a memorable concert what is?
Tre's hair is green today which is my personal favourite and Billie is now dyeing his back to black which is also what I like best on him, apart from when he had dreadlocks, because every time I looked at him I was almost pissing myself laughing. Maybe that's why he got rid of them.
"Have you talked with Estelle?" Tre asks searching for his drum sticks again. The day he finds them without making everything look like a fucking atom bomb exploded is the day I'm taking off all my clothes and walk in front of my daughter's classmates.
"Yeah I talked to her yesterday. Anna said she might bring her for a week or so."
"Cool."
"Yeah. What about Ramona and Frankito?"
"Claudia doesn't want Frankito to travel anywhere she thinks he's catching a cold or something. I talked to Lisea and I'll go see Ramona when we finish with the tour and stuff."
"Cool."
"Yeah." It's really great isn't it? Here are two people who haven't even turned thirty, both divorced (in Tre's case divorced twice) and with kids spread on America... Man sometimes I think I'm pathetic. But no! Wait! I'm happy today, because of all these reasons I previously said. 'Minority' being the fastest number one and all that. It's a pretty damn good reason to be happy right? Of course it is.
Billie comes out, drying his now black hair and asks what we were talking about. I tell him we were just discussing how great it is to be back on tour and how I love that 'Warning' is appreciated and how we'll fucking rock the crowd today and Tre shots me a questioning look, because we were actually talking about our sons and daughters.
See, in my mind, I was thinking about all of that 'Warning' and being back together stuff so sometimes I confuse what I think with what I say. Yeah, like you never do that.
"I know man it's amazing. I've missed being on the road."
Billie answers. He and Adrienne just got over another rough patch so he is in a good mood as well. I'm telling you; today is going to be a very special day.
"We should go over the list one more time guys," I tell them grabbing my bass.
"We should once I find MY FUCKING DRUM STICKS!"
"Tre your drumsticks are in the bathroom. Now I really don't want to know why they are in there, but if you could go and take them so we can practice, it would be great." Billie tells him.
Tre goes to the bathroom, happy to be reunited with his beloved drumsticks and comes back singing "Sole Mio".
"Here's the list of the songs." Billie hands me a piece of paper. Tre starts whining that he wants to read it first so I give it to him, laughing.
"Alright: Song number one, Minority. Song number two, Warning. Song number three, Waiting... " At this point I grab the paper back and tell him he is too fucking slow.
And then I see the list myself.
1.Minority
2.Warning
3.Waiting
4.Deadbeat Holiday
5.Nice Guys Finish Last
6.The Crouch
7.Redundant
8.Church on Sunday
9.Long View
10.She
11.Basket Case
12.Walking Contradiction
13.Brain Stew
14.Jaded
15.Misery
16.Good Riddance(Time of Your Life)
"Sounds good," I tell Billie and then hand the paper back to Tre who starts reading it out loud again.
Man, nothing beats this feeling of anticipation before a gig. The fact that a place which looks empty now, is going to be packed with thousands of people waiting to go nuts with the first cord of a guitar is just something that you can't understand, unless you've felt it. And finally after almost two years of absence I can feel it again.
***
JUDY
"Are you absolutely, one hundred percent sure?"
"Yes honey you look awesome. But if we don't leave now we won't find a good spot and you may end up not being able to see Billie clearly."
"Oh my God you're right let's go!"
Eileen decided to wear what Nora told her, except for the pink tank top. She borrowed my white shirt and the black belt Nora had given me for my eighteenth birthday instead. She looks really good. We've all agreed to dress casually because it's her day and she should stand apart.
"Can you believe it Green Day and record deal all on the same day? How lucky are we?"
We all started screaming our guts out when I told them about the record producer and how he was interested in us. Dep broke Nora's favourite vase but she was so happy, she didn't even pretend to be mad. We couldn't calm down for something like two hours, it was nice.
And now we're going to our first Green Day concert which is also very nice.
"I'm so nervous."
"I know I'm getting nervous too." Nora says.
"Why exactly?"
"Dep!! Green Day! The first concert after two years of doing nothing! The first time we see them live! There are lots of things to get nervous about!" Of course I don't really remember the last time Dep was nervous about something.
The place is full of people when we get there but none of us worries. Nora's way of persuading situations is admirable really. She will pat her eyes, she will touch some shoulders, she will say some nice words and we'll get a nice spot. And if Nora's magic doesn't work, Dep's punches are admirable too.
"So now we wait." I say, sitting on the grass.
"Yep. Now we wait." Dep hurries to join me. She lies her entire body down and closes her eyes and I shake her because I am positive she will try to sleep.
"So, record deal hugh?"
"It's so exciting!! I hope this producer guy likes us!"
"Of course he'll like us Eileen why would he call otherwise?"
"I know but what if he changes his mind?"
"He won't honey."
"It was about time someone discovered us," Dep says, sitting up and rubbing her hands to get rid of the grass that stuck on them. "I was getting sick of the fucking dresses anyway."
"Well they paid for this gig you know." Nora answers, still defending Chez Mon.
It's actually a nice café; the money is great too. But I gotta agree with Dep, chic dresses and proper behaviour doesn't suit us. And if we sing a song with even one 'fuck' we're screwed.
"How much time do we have left?" Eileen asks, without taking her eyes off the stage. Nora looks at her watch and tells her that they will be out in fifteen minutes.
"Oh my God, I think I'm going to pass out."
"Not again!" Dep begs. I am starting to get eager as well.
"I WANT TO BE THE MINORITY! I DON'T NEED YOUR AUTHORITY! DOWN WITH THE MORAL MAJORITY, CAUSE I WANT TO BE THE MINORITY!"
Okay I am not going to try and describe how it feels, watching Green Day on stage. See, that's the step back when it comes to narrations, in moments like
this, there are no words matching your experience.
People are jumping around, screaming as Billie Joe sings, I don't even remember my name, I've never heard Eileen shouting like this (and my bedroom is right next to hers if you're catching my drift here) and Mike's bass is so loud, I feel my guts are going to pop out of me. But still you can't understand how it feels.
"I pledge allegiance to the underworld. One nation underdog there of which I stand alone. A face in the crowd unsung against the mold. Without a doubt, singled out, the only way I know..."
I wish it could never end. I wish it could never end. I wish it could never end.
"Stepped out of the line...like a sheep runs from the herd...marching out of time...to my own beat now...the only way I know. One light, one mind, flashing in the dark... Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts. "For crying out loud" she screamed under me. A free for all, fuck them all, you are your own sight."
It's never going to end. It's never going to end. It's never going to end.
***
EILEEN
"Not fair. It shouldn't end so quickly. At Woodstock they went on for three days!" Nora complains. Of course I can't talk. It will take me a fair amount of time to talk again. But Nora is right. This can't end like this.
"I know. It was an amazing gig," Dep agrees. Dep, also known as the woman who never loses her calm, has just used the word 'amazing'. You can understand just how good this concert was.
"Girls can you go home without me?" They all look at me funny.
"Why what's up?" Dep asks, yawning.
"I think I lost my pin. I don't want you staying here, you're all exhausted. Dep is wasted."
"That's true," Our drummer agrees.
"Okay. But if you need anything call okay?" One of these days I'm going to wonder why Nora seems the eldest of all four when she's really the youngest.
"Sure. Bye." I kiss and hug all of them and then I go to look for my pin as the last ones from the crowd leave.
Of course it's a lie, I haven't lost my pin. I didn't even bring my pin with me, because if I did I'd lose it. But I won't leave the gig before there's an actual ending. An ending that appeals to me.
"You can't pass." The security guy tells me.
"I know I can't. But I have a backstage ticket."
"Let me see it."
"Here."
"That's a napkin."
"Oh right." I take a pen out of my pocket and write the words 'backstage ticket' on the napkin.
"See? Now I have a backstage ticket."
"It's still a napkin that says 'backstage ticket' on it."
"You're tough to work with, you know that?"
"Look missy I can't let anyone pass and as cute as you may be, rules are rules."
Aha, wrong move my friend, you've just showed me you're weak.
"When do the guys come out?"
"One hour and a half after the concert."
"So that means you have time right?"
"And then I moved out of my house and haven't talked to my mom ever since."
"And where do you live now?"
"With my friends. We rented a nice place because our bassist is rich. And her parents didn't kick her out she just couldn't stand them anymore. And today before we came here, a producer called and said he's got a record deal for us."
"Cool."
"Yeah. Maybe when I get famous you will let me pass and see the man I love for just three seconds."
I smile at him and brush his hand with mine. He's not handsome, way too big for my taste, but I would French kiss a frog right now to get to my goal. And I can clearly see he's backing down. He's got the whole 'I wish I could let you pass' look on his face so it's just a matter of minutes.
"I know you might lose your job...but I won't be noticed by anyone...I won't say a word to him I swear..."
One...two...three... "I can't believe I'm doing this."
"Oh yeah I love you!" I give him a quick kiss on the lips as a reward and I note to myself that I should not break down before I'm on my own. He gives me directions, warns me to be very careful and if anyone asks, I do not even know what he looks like. Once I go in and I'm far enough for him not to see me, I cover my mouth with my hand so I can't scream. And I keep going further and further, feeling like I'm in a dream. The best dream ever, I'm going to see Green Day.
***
BILLIE
"I am never quitting this band! Never, never, never!!" Tre jumps and sings and Mike laughs at him and then Tre jumps on Mike and they both fall on the floor.
"I'm never quitting this band! You hear that?"
"Yes Tre I heard you. I'm never quitting this band either."
"I don't care if you do quit dude, we'll get another guy in your place you're of minor importance. Have you seen my drumsticks?"
I feel fulfilled. I hadn't done that in a while. I wonder how I was able to live without the contact with the fans. I mean, watching all these people worshiping you had so become part of me and when I lost it I was really fucked up for quite a while. And now that I found it again I can't seem to understand how I survived without it. Does any of that make sense? Anyway that is just the way I feel.
Playing live can give you the exact definition of natural high. You suddenly feel like all your problems are solved even if you're having the worst day ever. You feel like you're the king of the world.
"Won't Adrienne mind if you're kissing girls on stage?" Mike asks me, hiding Tre's drumsticks in his pockets.
"She doesn't mind anything I do as Billie Joe Armstrong singer of Green Day. She didn't mind when I dropped my pants down, she sure as hell won't mind an innocent kiss." There are no feelings when it comes to stage kisses. It's not like I bring my mistress up there (I don't have a mistress, I'm just saying) and kiss her in front of every one. It's just some random girl.
"Um hi may I help you?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm not talking to you Beej I'm talking to the lady behind you."
I turn around and see a young girl, standing on the door, not saying a word just looking at me so intensely I feel the need to turn my head away. But she approaches me, wraps both her hands around my shoulders and before I can do anything she has placed her lips on mine.
The thing is I don't react to this. I don't know why, but I'm not pushing her away which is technically very wrong. I kiss her back, having already forgotten about Mike and Tre who are probably watching the scene with their jaws dropped. She just holds me so tightly and she...smells so good I can't bring myself stopping it.
She is cold; her tongue in my mouth is cold, her hands touching my face are cold, the skin of her waist is cold... (yes I'm holding her waist. I know I know it's wrong.)
But it's nice cold... it's like the wind in summer. Surprising and pleasant.
I wish she wouldn't pull away, but eventually one of us had to (because of lack of oxygen) and I don't even have the chance to say one word to her after she takes some distance from me. She just smiles and runs away without letting me hear her voice.
Well that was surely unexpected.
"What did I just watch?" Tre has wide eyes and can't speak properly. Splendid.
"Do you know her?"
"No. First time I've seen her in my life!"
"She was hot though right?" Tre says that. But I didn't need to make clear who said it, it was the most expected thing from him. And of course he is right, the annoying bastard.
Who is that girl? Obviously she's a fan or else she wouldn't go to all this trouble just for a kiss when she can have tons of them everywhere she goes. And obviously she is clever, to get pass security. That's all I know about her; a clever Green Day fan who just walked in this room and kissed me.
Wait I should start feeling guilty right about now... right?
***
JUDY
"Why are you still up, it's almost morning." Eileen whispers and bends on the couch to give me a kiss. I tell her I am still electrified by the concert so I couldn't sleep and she just smiles and sits next to me.
"Did you find your pin?" I ask, lying and resting my head on her lap while she begins stroking my hair. We used to do that when we were younger before we went to sleep.
"Yes I did. I found everything."
"Good."
"Hey... "
"What?"
"I wrote this on the way here." She hands me a napkin.
"It says 'Backstage Ticket' on it."
"Flip it to the other side silly."
"Okay... " She hates when I read out loud whatever she writes, so I go through the words silently. Ah it's one of her songs. All her songs confuse me so much; she is the happiest person you'll ever meet and yet her lyrics are always bittersweet or just bitter and sad. Why does that happen? I mean if anyone should be writing sad lyrics it's me, I'm supposed to be the melancholic one of the group. I've never talked to her about it, but I've always wondered.
Closes her eyes and hears your sweet voice singing softly in her ears. But she's not the one you're singing to but this don't keep those tears from running down her cheeks she can hear you yeah, she can hear you speak.
"It's wonderful."
"Yeah? You read it all?"
"No just the first couple of sentences but I had to say it."
You found your way into her head and she can't seem to get you out; thinking it over and over and over. These things that occupy her mind. Empty halls and stark, white walls echo all there ever was. It's all it ever takes to Occupy her mind.
"I guess you had the proper inspiration for this ode to love right?"
"Very true."
Closes her eyes and she can feel your soft hands lightly touch her face. But you're not the one that's touching her. But this just doesn't change the things she feels within Oh, she can feel you yeah, she can feel your skin.
"I think you should repeat the chorus here."
"Where?"
"Right here after the 'she can feel your skin'"
"Maybe you're right."
Closes her eyes, they kiss your lips stomach flutters with wet lashes it's just too real to be a dream. So tell her now just what you think of how this could never be. Oh, but you want it and you know she wants you to.
"How are you going to name it?"
"Occupy Her Mind."
"Have you found a melody yet?"
"Not really. I have something in mind but I'm not sure."
"You want to work on it until the others wake up?"
"Of course! I'll go take my guitar."
"I'll make some tea."
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