California, One Youth and Beauty Brigade, chapter 5
Natasha
Natasha
I tap my foot in impatience, the cold of the night inviting itself into my coat. It's been possibly 5 minutes now, and that boyfriend of mine refuses to open that door he has always offered me.
I pound the door bell again with my fist before recruiting my motives to the hard cedar—an echoing thud sounding through the exterior. Nothing.
I growl. I'm an animal, I know.
This leaves plan G. Oh yes, it has gotten that far. I pick up an innocent pebble littering their doorstep and take a quick aim at the kitchen window—to the upper left corner so I don't shatter the whole thing...again.
I throw it softly, satisfied with the soft peck it made against the newly repaired window. I wait, trying to appear patient with a fake smile framed by the window. I can see the silhouette of the family eating, the only thing that urges me further. It's spaghetti night—wouldn't miss that for the world.
It's become apparent that they are either deaf or they are choosing to ignore me. The later possibility was just the fuel as I formed my hands into fists and huffed back to the door.
"OPEN THE DOOR!" I yell, fists pounding the door mercilessly now. The repetitive beat causing the surrounding bushes to shale. "JOEY, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU ARE IGNORING ME I WILL TEAR YOUR HEART OUT THROUGH YOUR—oh, hello dear."
I smile cheerily as my beloved opens the door hastily, a brilliant smile adorning his lips as he pulls me in by the wrists.
"You've made it just in time," he whispers in excitement, pressing a soft kiss to my lips, guiding me through the living room to the kitchen. "Jakob came out of the closet and my dad was drunk and signed us off as a reality TV show..."
"Jakob's gay?" I asked in mild surprise just to humor the animated Joey who was simply thrilled to let me in on the Armstrong drama. He nods his head vigorously, his smile growing larger. My god he was cute.
"We have cameras videoing our every move. Frankito is over making a joke of it by discussing the wonderful new course he is taking..."
"Sex ed?" I suggest, lifting an eyebrow as he stops me right outside the kitchen so he can fill me in completely.
"Why do you know everything?" he asks in amusement adding another hasty kiss.
"I don't know everything," I correct, smiling adoringly at him. "I just know you all."
He opens his mouth to reply but is interrupted with a sharp "Billie, don't you dare..." from the kitchen. He winks before pulling me into view. We all know a Billie/Adrienne fight is quite a show, to say the least.
This excites Joey to the degree of him actually jumping a bit in exhilaration. He grabs my wrists again and drags me into the kitchen—a dramatic whirling sound heard as around 4 cameras turn my way. Yea, it's a great thing Joey failed to mention I'd be closely evaluated by the public.
Everyone at the table nodded a greeting but remained in their own little mood—Jakob currently cradling his head in his hands, shaking them slightly as if to convince himself this wasn't happening. Adrienne had her arms crossed staring in amazement at the flamboyant Billie who had long forgotten the punishment he had probably endured. Frankito appeared to be completely absorbed on the spaghetti at hand, a quiet smirk threatening to break on his lips.
"Just in time!" Billie smiles. It scares me how much alike Joey and his father are. "Take a seat, we were just talking about—"
"School," Adrienne cut in, giving him a unyielding look.
"Sex," Billie continues, patting his wife's head softly. Something that resembled a hiss escaped her lips and Billie recoiled his hand immediately.
"Great," I laugh, accepting the seat Joey pulled out for me and letting out a small squeal of glee when Adrienne places a bowl of her infamous spaghetti in front of my eager eyes.
"I was telling them about my sex ed course I'm taking in school," Frankito speaks up, winking discreetly at me as Jakob let his head drop to the table top in a strident thud. "He's just embarrassed 'cause he'll never have sex with a woman." Frankito jerks his thumb towards the stricken Jakob who was having a hard time controlling his breathing.
I raise an eyebrow. "What a loss."
Adrienne snaps her gaze in my direction. "Not you too."
I smile sweetly at her before digging into the treasure at hand.
"I was just about to inform the table of a new aspect in our lives," Billie interjects, Adrienne closing her eyes in annoyance but ultimately gives in to defeat. She's hopelessly out-numbered.
"Billie...don't you think we should discuss this when we're not surrounded by cameras?" she inquires as her one remaining wish before shutting off her defense system
"Are you kidding? When is there going to be a time that..." he cut off observing the souring face of his wife, concluding that emphasizing the very argument that got her in this mood in the first place was a very bad idea. Instead he grabs her resistant hand and gazes around at the group proudly. Adrienne rolls her eyes and slouches back in her seat, eyeing the cameras loathingly. "How would you kids feel about having another brother or sister?"
The customary sound of silverware against china ceased. The camera men flash each other thumb ups. The silence continues leaving every individual looking around at each other, Billie still looking self-righteous and blissful.
Jakob glances up from his hiding spot among the table cloth, glad that the attention was off of him apparently. "We're adopting?" he asks, chin still plastered to the table. The silence grew more, if that was even possible.
Adrienne and Billie exchange glances of confusion before suddenly it became apparent Adrienne accepted the comment as an insult. Her mouth widens in a shocked expression "Are you saying I'm too old to reproduce?" she asks in a wavering voice
Billie amplifies his eyes and mouths a terrible "noooooooo" to Jakob who resembled a deer in the head light.
"No...no, I...I just thought...you know...health precautions..."
"I can't believe my own son thinks I'm old," Adrienne says in an awed whisper.
Joey scoffs, taking this as an opportunity to become the superior son. "I don't think you're too old to reproduce." I smile at Adrienne and nod encouragingly.
"And I think it's fantastic you're trying for another kid," I throw in as if Joey and my thoughts string as one. This perks Adrienne up considerably and she gives Jakob a 'ha ha' smile.
Poor Jakob is just being dented in on all sides. He looks defeated and sits back in his seat, retiring from living at the moment, ignoring the pestering camera that swerved in his face to read his expression.
"So is this why Billie has been in an awfully great mood as of recent day?" Frankito asks casually.
Billie nods eagerly only to be interrupted by Joey. "Hey, how about we don't talk about my parents sex lives?" he suggests to Frankito who simply shrugs. Joey's face suddenly takes on a expression of utmost horror, turning to Jakob in accusation. "Badger in the attic my ass! I KNEW badgers weren't big enough to cause that much racket"
Jakob holds his hands up in defense. "I was just trying to shelter you from the cold horrible truth!"
"Cold horrible truth?" Adrienne and Billie exclaim at the same time, staring at their children as if they'd never seen them before.
"There's nothing cold or horrible about it!" Adrienne starts. Joey tenses and slams his spaghetti bowl on the table to attract attention.
"I REFUSE to allow this to become an excuse for another meaningless and hypocritical sex talk," Joey shouts. "My fucking girlfriend is sitting next to me. Don't you think she'd find it incredibly awkward?"
Everyone zooms in one me, the silent innocent girl of the bunch, simply thrilled to be fed.
"Well...no," Billie says, eyeing me in curiosity as if he just noticed I was present.
"Dad! What if Natasha and I started talking about our sex lives?" Joey tries to reason. I immediately recognize the situation and sigh, leaning back against my chair, watching the magic sweep through the kitchen. Once more the clicking of forks upon bowls ceased as Joey successfully turns the most vibrant color red ever adopted by a human being.
Once more Jakob took it upon himself to make sure the conversation steered away from his gayness as he points silently to his mother, his body racking of silent laughter as he attempted to keep in the mouthful of spaghetti he already possessed.
Consequently, everyone turned to see Adrienne, looking as if she just witnessed a murder.
"He was just saying," I speak up, holding a lone finger in the air for attention, "I mean, we don't posses a sex life, do we Joey?"
Joey shakes his head slowly, his eyes still studying his mother cautiously. "No. NO sex. What's sex? I don't even know what sex is! In fact, Mom, why don't you continue on with your sex lecture so I can learn."
Frankito scoffs again—pretty much the only thing he's capable of contributing to a conversation.
Adrienne simply looks back down at her unfinished plate and pecks away at it, apparently forgetting cameras were even invented. Everyone followed suit, picking mutely at their plate. Yea. Way to kill the ostentatious mood, Joey.
Several minutes pass before Joey stops nibbling and looks around the table.
"So, um...Jakob's gay."
Natasha
I tap my foot in impatience, the cold of the night inviting itself into my coat. It's been possibly 5 minutes now, and that boyfriend of mine refuses to open that door he has always offered me.
I pound the door bell again with my fist before recruiting my motives to the hard cedar—an echoing thud sounding through the exterior. Nothing.
I growl. I'm an animal, I know.
This leaves plan G. Oh yes, it has gotten that far. I pick up an innocent pebble littering their doorstep and take a quick aim at the kitchen window—to the upper left corner so I don't shatter the whole thing...again.
I throw it softly, satisfied with the soft peck it made against the newly repaired window. I wait, trying to appear patient with a fake smile framed by the window. I can see the silhouette of the family eating, the only thing that urges me further. It's spaghetti night—wouldn't miss that for the world.
It's become apparent that they are either deaf or they are choosing to ignore me. The later possibility was just the fuel as I formed my hands into fists and huffed back to the door.
"OPEN THE DOOR!" I yell, fists pounding the door mercilessly now. The repetitive beat causing the surrounding bushes to shale. "JOEY, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU ARE IGNORING ME I WILL TEAR YOUR HEART OUT THROUGH YOUR—oh, hello dear."
I smile cheerily as my beloved opens the door hastily, a brilliant smile adorning his lips as he pulls me in by the wrists.
"You've made it just in time," he whispers in excitement, pressing a soft kiss to my lips, guiding me through the living room to the kitchen. "Jakob came out of the closet and my dad was drunk and signed us off as a reality TV show..."
"Jakob's gay?" I asked in mild surprise just to humor the animated Joey who was simply thrilled to let me in on the Armstrong drama. He nods his head vigorously, his smile growing larger. My god he was cute.
"We have cameras videoing our every move. Frankito is over making a joke of it by discussing the wonderful new course he is taking..."
"Sex ed?" I suggest, lifting an eyebrow as he stops me right outside the kitchen so he can fill me in completely.
"Why do you know everything?" he asks in amusement adding another hasty kiss.
"I don't know everything," I correct, smiling adoringly at him. "I just know you all."
He opens his mouth to reply but is interrupted with a sharp "Billie, don't you dare..." from the kitchen. He winks before pulling me into view. We all know a Billie/Adrienne fight is quite a show, to say the least.
This excites Joey to the degree of him actually jumping a bit in exhilaration. He grabs my wrists again and drags me into the kitchen—a dramatic whirling sound heard as around 4 cameras turn my way. Yea, it's a great thing Joey failed to mention I'd be closely evaluated by the public.
Everyone at the table nodded a greeting but remained in their own little mood—Jakob currently cradling his head in his hands, shaking them slightly as if to convince himself this wasn't happening. Adrienne had her arms crossed staring in amazement at the flamboyant Billie who had long forgotten the punishment he had probably endured. Frankito appeared to be completely absorbed on the spaghetti at hand, a quiet smirk threatening to break on his lips.
"Just in time!" Billie smiles. It scares me how much alike Joey and his father are. "Take a seat, we were just talking about—"
"School," Adrienne cut in, giving him a unyielding look.
"Sex," Billie continues, patting his wife's head softly. Something that resembled a hiss escaped her lips and Billie recoiled his hand immediately.
"Great," I laugh, accepting the seat Joey pulled out for me and letting out a small squeal of glee when Adrienne places a bowl of her infamous spaghetti in front of my eager eyes.
"I was telling them about my sex ed course I'm taking in school," Frankito speaks up, winking discreetly at me as Jakob let his head drop to the table top in a strident thud. "He's just embarrassed 'cause he'll never have sex with a woman." Frankito jerks his thumb towards the stricken Jakob who was having a hard time controlling his breathing.
I raise an eyebrow. "What a loss."
Adrienne snaps her gaze in my direction. "Not you too."
I smile sweetly at her before digging into the treasure at hand.
"I was just about to inform the table of a new aspect in our lives," Billie interjects, Adrienne closing her eyes in annoyance but ultimately gives in to defeat. She's hopelessly out-numbered.
"Billie...don't you think we should discuss this when we're not surrounded by cameras?" she inquires as her one remaining wish before shutting off her defense system
"Are you kidding? When is there going to be a time that..." he cut off observing the souring face of his wife, concluding that emphasizing the very argument that got her in this mood in the first place was a very bad idea. Instead he grabs her resistant hand and gazes around at the group proudly. Adrienne rolls her eyes and slouches back in her seat, eyeing the cameras loathingly. "How would you kids feel about having another brother or sister?"
The customary sound of silverware against china ceased. The camera men flash each other thumb ups. The silence continues leaving every individual looking around at each other, Billie still looking self-righteous and blissful.
Jakob glances up from his hiding spot among the table cloth, glad that the attention was off of him apparently. "We're adopting?" he asks, chin still plastered to the table. The silence grew more, if that was even possible.
Adrienne and Billie exchange glances of confusion before suddenly it became apparent Adrienne accepted the comment as an insult. Her mouth widens in a shocked expression "Are you saying I'm too old to reproduce?" she asks in a wavering voice
Billie amplifies his eyes and mouths a terrible "noooooooo" to Jakob who resembled a deer in the head light.
"No...no, I...I just thought...you know...health precautions..."
"I can't believe my own son thinks I'm old," Adrienne says in an awed whisper.
Joey scoffs, taking this as an opportunity to become the superior son. "I don't think you're too old to reproduce." I smile at Adrienne and nod encouragingly.
"And I think it's fantastic you're trying for another kid," I throw in as if Joey and my thoughts string as one. This perks Adrienne up considerably and she gives Jakob a 'ha ha' smile.
Poor Jakob is just being dented in on all sides. He looks defeated and sits back in his seat, retiring from living at the moment, ignoring the pestering camera that swerved in his face to read his expression.
"So is this why Billie has been in an awfully great mood as of recent day?" Frankito asks casually.
Billie nods eagerly only to be interrupted by Joey. "Hey, how about we don't talk about my parents sex lives?" he suggests to Frankito who simply shrugs. Joey's face suddenly takes on a expression of utmost horror, turning to Jakob in accusation. "Badger in the attic my ass! I KNEW badgers weren't big enough to cause that much racket"
Jakob holds his hands up in defense. "I was just trying to shelter you from the cold horrible truth!"
"Cold horrible truth?" Adrienne and Billie exclaim at the same time, staring at their children as if they'd never seen them before.
"There's nothing cold or horrible about it!" Adrienne starts. Joey tenses and slams his spaghetti bowl on the table to attract attention.
"I REFUSE to allow this to become an excuse for another meaningless and hypocritical sex talk," Joey shouts. "My fucking girlfriend is sitting next to me. Don't you think she'd find it incredibly awkward?"
Everyone zooms in one me, the silent innocent girl of the bunch, simply thrilled to be fed.
"Well...no," Billie says, eyeing me in curiosity as if he just noticed I was present.
"Dad! What if Natasha and I started talking about our sex lives?" Joey tries to reason. I immediately recognize the situation and sigh, leaning back against my chair, watching the magic sweep through the kitchen. Once more the clicking of forks upon bowls ceased as Joey successfully turns the most vibrant color red ever adopted by a human being.
Once more Jakob took it upon himself to make sure the conversation steered away from his gayness as he points silently to his mother, his body racking of silent laughter as he attempted to keep in the mouthful of spaghetti he already possessed.
Consequently, everyone turned to see Adrienne, looking as if she just witnessed a murder.
"He was just saying," I speak up, holding a lone finger in the air for attention, "I mean, we don't posses a sex life, do we Joey?"
Joey shakes his head slowly, his eyes still studying his mother cautiously. "No. NO sex. What's sex? I don't even know what sex is! In fact, Mom, why don't you continue on with your sex lecture so I can learn."
Frankito scoffs again—pretty much the only thing he's capable of contributing to a conversation.
Adrienne simply looks back down at her unfinished plate and pecks away at it, apparently forgetting cameras were even invented. Everyone followed suit, picking mutely at their plate. Yea. Way to kill the ostentatious mood, Joey.
Several minutes pass before Joey stops nibbling and looks around the table.
"So, um...Jakob's gay."
