Walk Away (maybe), chapter 2
Benji sat on the floor against the wall for nearly a half hour when Joel walked in looking for him. "Dude what are you doing? Come on. We need you to play. That's why you're here. I know this whole recording thing is hard to figure out but all ya do is play your guitar. The rest will be handled."
Benji looked up at him and Joel figured something was seriously wrong by the look in his brother's eyes. He sat down next to Benji and sighed. "Ok. What's wrong bro?"
Benji told him everything and by the time he was done, Joel was very confused and Benji was crying on Joel's shoulder. Joel looked over at Benji, "well, sounds like you screwed up." Benji cried harder. "But, you can fix it."
Benji looked up at him. "What? How?"
"Well she said she'd wait. So show her you can change and get her back."
"Yeah," Benji said, starting to cheer up." yeah. I'll go talk to her right now."
He started to get up but Joel grabbed his shirt and pulled him back down. "No. Right now you will go record songs."
"Damn. Ok fine. I guess I can stay for a little while."
So he stayed and recorded, then went to see Dani the next day. But she didn't want to see him. She said she didn't want to take any chances of getting hurt again. Could he blame her? He didn't want to make her mad though so he just went home and started listening to MEST, trying to forget everything. But he couldn't.
He sat there for a half hour but all he could think about was Dani. And after two hours of thinking about her he couldn't take it anymore. He knew she would never want him back after what he had done to her, and he couldn't blame her. But he couldn't live without her. So he got up, walked over to the closet and took out a gun. Benji had the gun aimed as his head, but he tried to talk himself out of it. He tried to tell himself everything would be ok. That he just needed to give it some time.
"Don't pull the trigger," he told himself. "Don't. It'll be ok. Things will get better. Don't do it. Hold on if you feel like letting go. Hold on it gets better then you know." It wasn't helping though he couldn't talk himself out of it. He was too depressed and he hated himself for what he had done to Dani. He pulled the trigger and fell over, dead.
About an hour later Joel went over to check on Benji and make sure he was ok. He knocked on the door and rang the doorbell but there was no answer so he just walked in.
"Benji?!" he yelled when he was in the house. "Benj? You home?!"
He looked around the corner and froze. Benji was lying on the floor, a gun in his hand and blood everywhere. He ran to the phone and called 911. When the police came all Joel could think about was Dani. He had to tell her. He went to her house and knocked on the door.
"He Joel what's up?"
"Dani, I gotta talk to you about Benji."
"What's wrong?" she asked, worried.
"Benji's-. He's dead. He- he shot himself."
She just stood there not knowing what to say. She couldn't believe it. Tears started coming to he eyes and she just looked at Joel hoping, praying, he would say it was all just a stupid joke. But he didn't say anything. And she knew he was telling the truth.
"Joel, I-. I want to be alone. Please."
"Ok," he said quietly and walked away. Leaving her there, crying.
A week later was the funeral. She couldn't pretend it was all a joke anymore, she couldn't pretend it was fake. He was gone. Gone forever and there was nothing she could do about it. She blamed herself. She should have never left him. She would father be hurt then have Benji be dead. He killed himself because of her and she knew it and it was eating away at her, driving her crazy. How could she have let this happen?
She went to the funeral, the whole time trying to fight back tears but she couldn't hide her pain. When Joel saw her he walked over to her, but before he could say anything she started talking, quietly, almost to herself, like she didn't even know he was there.
"This is all my fault," she said. "I was so stupid. I was such a bitch. I should have known he would do this. And I should have just let him keep-"she stopped and started crying.
"Hey, don't think that." Joel said softly. "Its not your fault. You didn't know he would do this. You couldn't have. Nobody did."
"But I should have know. I knew Benji and I knew how much he needed me. I should have known if I ever left him he would do something stupid like this. He told me so many times he couldn't live without me. I should have known. And I never should have left him that day. I never should have yelled at him. And I never should have pushed him away," she yelled.
"Everyone does stuff they shouldn't have done. And everyone has regrets. I know you have a lot of regrets. But this shouldn't be one of them. 'Cause it's not your fault. Everyone knew how much Benji loved you but no one thought he would ever do this. I knew my brother better then anyone. But I still never imagined he would do something like this."
"But, Joel, I-"
He cut her off, "it's not your fault."
She went home and sat down on her bed crying her eyes out for 20 minutes and she couldn't take it. The pain was too much. She didn't care what Joel said. It was her fault. She should have seen it coming. She got up and walked over to the medicine cabinet and started taking some pills.
One pill...two pills, she felt dizzy. Three pills...four pills, the room was spinning around her. Five pills...six pills, she blacked out.
The next thing she knew she was hearing voices, familiar voices, Joel and Billy's voices. And another one she didn't know. She didn't open her eyes, she just listened. They were talking about her. She knew she was in a hospital.
The talking stopped after a minute and the doctor looked at her.
"She's awake," he said.
When they went home, Billy went back to his house and Joel took Dani back to his place. He didn't want to leave her alone again. He wouldn't loose her too. Not as long as he could help it anyways.
The ride was silent. Joel kept opening his mouth like he wanted to say something but it was like he couldn't get the words to come out. It was driving Dani crazy. And after a while she just couldn't take it.
"Can you just say whatever it is your trying to say? You're driving me crazy."
"Sorry," he sat quietly for a minute, trying to get the words right.
He finally seemed to get it and opened his mouth again. "What's your problem?" he asked sounding a lot meaner then he had wanted to. "How could you do that?"
She looked away from him, out the window and didn't say anything. So he continued.
"Well? What is it? Did you think no one would care? Did you think Benji would have wanted this?" he looked over at her, she was trying not to cry still looking out the window.
He was starting to get mad at her. She was just like a little kid. You try to talk to her about something serious, something bad, important, something she doesn't want to talk about, and she just turns away. Wont look at you, wont talk to you.
He softened his voice. "I care about you. I don't want anything to happen to you. And neither would Benji. Dani, you're not the only one who lost someone. You lost your boyfriend. I lost my brother. The one person who's always been there for me. And promised he always would be. I know what you're feeling, but please, just, don't-. I cant loose you too, Dani. You're like a sister to me."
She still wouldn't look at him. "Dani, I care about you. I love you. You're like my sister. And I don't want anything to happen to you."
That's when she looked at him. Right into his eyes. His deep, brown, pleading, caring eyes. He had the same sad look that Benji always had whenever he hurt her. And memories started pouring back. He really was sorry, and this was all her fault.
She opened the door and Joel slammed on the brakes. She walked out into the middle of the street, just as a semi was coming. It was too close to stop and she was hit and killed.
"DANI!!!!!!"
Benji looked up at him and Joel figured something was seriously wrong by the look in his brother's eyes. He sat down next to Benji and sighed. "Ok. What's wrong bro?"
Benji told him everything and by the time he was done, Joel was very confused and Benji was crying on Joel's shoulder. Joel looked over at Benji, "well, sounds like you screwed up." Benji cried harder. "But, you can fix it."
Benji looked up at him. "What? How?"
"Well she said she'd wait. So show her you can change and get her back."
"Yeah," Benji said, starting to cheer up." yeah. I'll go talk to her right now."
He started to get up but Joel grabbed his shirt and pulled him back down. "No. Right now you will go record songs."
"Damn. Ok fine. I guess I can stay for a little while."
So he stayed and recorded, then went to see Dani the next day. But she didn't want to see him. She said she didn't want to take any chances of getting hurt again. Could he blame her? He didn't want to make her mad though so he just went home and started listening to MEST, trying to forget everything. But he couldn't.
He sat there for a half hour but all he could think about was Dani. And after two hours of thinking about her he couldn't take it anymore. He knew she would never want him back after what he had done to her, and he couldn't blame her. But he couldn't live without her. So he got up, walked over to the closet and took out a gun. Benji had the gun aimed as his head, but he tried to talk himself out of it. He tried to tell himself everything would be ok. That he just needed to give it some time.
"Don't pull the trigger," he told himself. "Don't. It'll be ok. Things will get better. Don't do it. Hold on if you feel like letting go. Hold on it gets better then you know." It wasn't helping though he couldn't talk himself out of it. He was too depressed and he hated himself for what he had done to Dani. He pulled the trigger and fell over, dead.
About an hour later Joel went over to check on Benji and make sure he was ok. He knocked on the door and rang the doorbell but there was no answer so he just walked in.
"Benji?!" he yelled when he was in the house. "Benj? You home?!"
He looked around the corner and froze. Benji was lying on the floor, a gun in his hand and blood everywhere. He ran to the phone and called 911. When the police came all Joel could think about was Dani. He had to tell her. He went to her house and knocked on the door.
"He Joel what's up?"
"Dani, I gotta talk to you about Benji."
"What's wrong?" she asked, worried.
"Benji's-. He's dead. He- he shot himself."
She just stood there not knowing what to say. She couldn't believe it. Tears started coming to he eyes and she just looked at Joel hoping, praying, he would say it was all just a stupid joke. But he didn't say anything. And she knew he was telling the truth.
"Joel, I-. I want to be alone. Please."
"Ok," he said quietly and walked away. Leaving her there, crying.
A week later was the funeral. She couldn't pretend it was all a joke anymore, she couldn't pretend it was fake. He was gone. Gone forever and there was nothing she could do about it. She blamed herself. She should have never left him. She would father be hurt then have Benji be dead. He killed himself because of her and she knew it and it was eating away at her, driving her crazy. How could she have let this happen?
She went to the funeral, the whole time trying to fight back tears but she couldn't hide her pain. When Joel saw her he walked over to her, but before he could say anything she started talking, quietly, almost to herself, like she didn't even know he was there.
"This is all my fault," she said. "I was so stupid. I was such a bitch. I should have known he would do this. And I should have just let him keep-"she stopped and started crying.
"Hey, don't think that." Joel said softly. "Its not your fault. You didn't know he would do this. You couldn't have. Nobody did."
"But I should have know. I knew Benji and I knew how much he needed me. I should have known if I ever left him he would do something stupid like this. He told me so many times he couldn't live without me. I should have known. And I never should have left him that day. I never should have yelled at him. And I never should have pushed him away," she yelled.
"Everyone does stuff they shouldn't have done. And everyone has regrets. I know you have a lot of regrets. But this shouldn't be one of them. 'Cause it's not your fault. Everyone knew how much Benji loved you but no one thought he would ever do this. I knew my brother better then anyone. But I still never imagined he would do something like this."
"But, Joel, I-"
He cut her off, "it's not your fault."
She went home and sat down on her bed crying her eyes out for 20 minutes and she couldn't take it. The pain was too much. She didn't care what Joel said. It was her fault. She should have seen it coming. She got up and walked over to the medicine cabinet and started taking some pills.
One pill...two pills, she felt dizzy. Three pills...four pills, the room was spinning around her. Five pills...six pills, she blacked out.
The next thing she knew she was hearing voices, familiar voices, Joel and Billy's voices. And another one she didn't know. She didn't open her eyes, she just listened. They were talking about her. She knew she was in a hospital.
The talking stopped after a minute and the doctor looked at her.
"She's awake," he said.
When they went home, Billy went back to his house and Joel took Dani back to his place. He didn't want to leave her alone again. He wouldn't loose her too. Not as long as he could help it anyways.
The ride was silent. Joel kept opening his mouth like he wanted to say something but it was like he couldn't get the words to come out. It was driving Dani crazy. And after a while she just couldn't take it.
"Can you just say whatever it is your trying to say? You're driving me crazy."
"Sorry," he sat quietly for a minute, trying to get the words right.
He finally seemed to get it and opened his mouth again. "What's your problem?" he asked sounding a lot meaner then he had wanted to. "How could you do that?"
She looked away from him, out the window and didn't say anything. So he continued.
"Well? What is it? Did you think no one would care? Did you think Benji would have wanted this?" he looked over at her, she was trying not to cry still looking out the window.
He was starting to get mad at her. She was just like a little kid. You try to talk to her about something serious, something bad, important, something she doesn't want to talk about, and she just turns away. Wont look at you, wont talk to you.
He softened his voice. "I care about you. I don't want anything to happen to you. And neither would Benji. Dani, you're not the only one who lost someone. You lost your boyfriend. I lost my brother. The one person who's always been there for me. And promised he always would be. I know what you're feeling, but please, just, don't-. I cant loose you too, Dani. You're like a sister to me."
She still wouldn't look at him. "Dani, I care about you. I love you. You're like my sister. And I don't want anything to happen to you."
That's when she looked at him. Right into his eyes. His deep, brown, pleading, caring eyes. He had the same sad look that Benji always had whenever he hurt her. And memories started pouring back. He really was sorry, and this was all her fault.
She opened the door and Joel slammed on the brakes. She walked out into the middle of the street, just as a semi was coming. It was too close to stop and she was hit and killed.
"DANI!!!!!!"
