Dawn to Dusk: A New Beginning, chapter 7
It was a romantic kiss, but Jara quickly pushed him away.
"No, I can't. It's just, I don't think I'll ever love again. I can't! My heart will only be torn more into shreds, and I'll be left with nothing." The truth was, Jara was now afraid of commitment, thinking it would only bring her more pain and suffering by her recent experience.
Still, Gerard continued to kiss her and Jara went along with it. She'd break off every now and then, trying to say no, but it wasn't helping.
She had given up her resistence and continued to kiss him.
It was Frank kissing her. It was his face and his body. She felt the outline of his chin and the soft feel of his hair. It was his beautiful eyes that gleamed in the darkness that now inhabitted the room. It was Frank. Frank.
There was a flash, it was Gerard. A different person who she seemed to be kissing now. It was his face and his body. She felt the softness of his powdered white face and the feel of his silky smooth jet black hair through her fingers. It was Gerard, not Frank. But so her mind wanted to think it was. Her mind wanted to think that she was still in Frank's arms and that he was not dead. She wanted to think that he was here, holding her. She wanted to be in the presence of his stupid antics. She wanted, but it couldn't be so. There was no Frank here, nor there. Frank wasn't here no matter how hard she wished for him to be. Was it bad and sinful to be thinking this while she was with Gerard? Was it selfish and cruel to be thinking these thoughts? But, in a way, she never wanted to see Frank again, and remembering this only made her more sad and depressed. At least being with Gerard made her feel wanted and loved.
She stopped him from kissing her. They looked at one another then smiled. They kissed once again and Gerard pushed Jara down against the sofa.
"I think we should stop,"Jara got out, between gasps for air. Gerard's hand was beneath Jara's head.
Gerard sat above her as she lay head rested on the arm of the couch. Why was this happening? It shouldn't have happened so fast. Now Jara was going to seem like some slut, a label she wanted to have no association with. It was hard though. She tried though, she really tried, but it still seemed she had no control over what was happening. A little of her will and resistence must have died off once it ended with Frank.
The kiss got deeper and deeper.
"I don't want to go any further,"Jara pleaded."Please stop, we just met yesterday and now I'll seem like a slut."
"No, you're not a slut to me. I loved you when I first saw you; your beautiful face and brilliant eyes. I knew right then I'd be with you."Gerard said.
"Yeah, but we just met yesterday! We're going too fast!"Jara said, crying.
"Relax, shh...shh...shh...,"he said trying to calm her,"It's alright, you can trust me. We're not going too fast. Things are fine."
He kissed her neck.
"So long as you get what you want, I, as a person, don't matter. You're the same as Frank! Selfish and greedy! Get off me, now!" Tears were streaming down her face like water faucets. She was crying hard and screaming now. "Get off me!!!"
They continued, even though Jara had no wishes to.
"Please!"she yelled.
The door to the library creaked open. "Hey, Gerard.....is it you? Oh my God!!!! I'm so sorry!!"The guy said, closing his eyes and walking away.
"No, I can't. It's just, I don't think I'll ever love again. I can't! My heart will only be torn more into shreds, and I'll be left with nothing." The truth was, Jara was now afraid of commitment, thinking it would only bring her more pain and suffering by her recent experience.
Still, Gerard continued to kiss her and Jara went along with it. She'd break off every now and then, trying to say no, but it wasn't helping.
She had given up her resistence and continued to kiss him.
It was Frank kissing her. It was his face and his body. She felt the outline of his chin and the soft feel of his hair. It was his beautiful eyes that gleamed in the darkness that now inhabitted the room. It was Frank. Frank.
There was a flash, it was Gerard. A different person who she seemed to be kissing now. It was his face and his body. She felt the softness of his powdered white face and the feel of his silky smooth jet black hair through her fingers. It was Gerard, not Frank. But so her mind wanted to think it was. Her mind wanted to think that she was still in Frank's arms and that he was not dead. She wanted to think that he was here, holding her. She wanted to be in the presence of his stupid antics. She wanted, but it couldn't be so. There was no Frank here, nor there. Frank wasn't here no matter how hard she wished for him to be. Was it bad and sinful to be thinking this while she was with Gerard? Was it selfish and cruel to be thinking these thoughts? But, in a way, she never wanted to see Frank again, and remembering this only made her more sad and depressed. At least being with Gerard made her feel wanted and loved.
She stopped him from kissing her. They looked at one another then smiled. They kissed once again and Gerard pushed Jara down against the sofa.
"I think we should stop,"Jara got out, between gasps for air. Gerard's hand was beneath Jara's head.
Gerard sat above her as she lay head rested on the arm of the couch. Why was this happening? It shouldn't have happened so fast. Now Jara was going to seem like some slut, a label she wanted to have no association with. It was hard though. She tried though, she really tried, but it still seemed she had no control over what was happening. A little of her will and resistence must have died off once it ended with Frank.
The kiss got deeper and deeper.
"I don't want to go any further,"Jara pleaded."Please stop, we just met yesterday and now I'll seem like a slut."
"No, you're not a slut to me. I loved you when I first saw you; your beautiful face and brilliant eyes. I knew right then I'd be with you."Gerard said.
"Yeah, but we just met yesterday! We're going too fast!"Jara said, crying.
"Relax, shh...shh...shh...,"he said trying to calm her,"It's alright, you can trust me. We're not going too fast. Things are fine."
He kissed her neck.
"So long as you get what you want, I, as a person, don't matter. You're the same as Frank! Selfish and greedy! Get off me, now!" Tears were streaming down her face like water faucets. She was crying hard and screaming now. "Get off me!!!"
They continued, even though Jara had no wishes to.
"Please!"she yelled.
The door to the library creaked open. "Hey, Gerard.....is it you? Oh my God!!!! I'm so sorry!!"The guy said, closing his eyes and walking away.
