Hand VS. Heart, chapter 2
Both girls went to sleep every night, convincing themselves that they didn't care for Ryan or Coady. That both boys were tiny specks in their life and didn't even deserve the air they sucked up. But both girls would wake up every morning, after dreaming about a more proper ending to that night, and only sigh and wish it could've been like that. Jenn gripped onto the fact that Coady would probably call her, though he never did.
"He doesn't know your number, so it doesn't mean anything if you don't get a call," Nicole said trying to cheer Jenn up when another day passed without the telephone ringing.
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At school, things had been no better. Nicole and Jenn had been moping around, putting a downside on their usual good time. Their friends were growing restless with Jenn and Nicole's need to slowly decompose.
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"I feel like I'm going to be sick," Nicole cried, running up from her locker and booking it into the bathroom where she fell onto the floor in the bathroom stall and puked all over and in the toilet.
Jenn and Kelly had watched her run, and then looked at eachother.
"She's really taking the break-up out of line, don't you think?" Kelly said. Jenn said nothing.
"A little dramatic?" Kelly persisted, but Jenn stayed silent.
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Jenn's head was filled with the thoughts of the upcoming show Coady would be playing at. Her first reaction, was No. No, she would not go to the show, she wouldn't deal with seeing him there, she would just curl up in bed and pretend he didn't exact. After an hour of thinking, her final decision was simple. She would not let Coady ruin anything else in her life. He had taken her virginity, her pride, her heart, but now Jenn drew the line.
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Nicole came back looking peaked and weak. She announced she was going home, packed up and just left. That night, Nicole called Jenn and Jenn quickly brought up the show. Like Jenn's, Nicole's first reaction was no. But after Jenn talked to her about it, Nicole relented and agreed. Nicole knew Ryan would be at the show, but she would simply make no contact with him whatsoever.
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It was Thursday, the day before the show, that all hell broke loose. Nicole came to school looking not white, but terrified. A face Jenn had never seen before. She had come seperately this time, though her and Jenn always walked together - which was strange for Jenn. She slunk to her locker mindlessly, while Jenn stared at her, waiting for her to speak.
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"Jenn. I went to the doctors today. I'm pregnant," she whispered in a hoarse voice.
Jenn didn't know how to react. She nervously glanced down at Nicole's stomach, then back up at her face.
"What are you going to do?" Jenn asked. There was no point in saying the usual questions such as, Are you sure? Are you serious? Are you okay? Did you go to the doctors? Jenn knew the answers, so she didn't even bother.
"I don't know," Nicole's voice said in a raspy tone.
Nicole didn't want the baby. Though she thought abortion was terrible, when she was put in the fragile state of actually being pregnant, it was what she wanted. She was not ready to raise a baby, she knew she wouldn't be able to part with putting the baby in an Adoption Centre. She didn't want the baby. But little thoughts tickled at her, thoughts that stirred and made her feel sick. She knew, deep done, she had to tell Ryan before she went through with it. Jenn agreed.
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At the show, both girls stood nervous and unsure of exactly what to do. They stood beside each other, looking for both boys, mainly just so they could properly shun them. Nicole had seemed to lose her voice, while Jenn stood shaking nervously.
"Oh God, his girlfriend is here," Jenn moaned, regretting she'd gone to this damned show. Coady's girlfriend stood tall, pretty and dominiant, scanning the crowds, probably looking for any trace of Jenn whatsoever.
"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back," Jenn lied, running off into the bathroom.
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Nicole looked around, until she'd spotted him. He was standing in a clump of people, happy and bouncy, the same way he'd been when she went up to him at the last show. He was laughing and giggling at something the nearest girl had said. He looked completely untouched, unpained, the complete opposite of how Nicole felt. She wanted to run up to him, and damper his mood.
"You got me pregnant, you asshole!" she'd scream and all of his friends would freeze. Ryan would be embarrassed beyond belief. That was the sort of revenge Nicole felted like inflicting. But at the same time, she couldn't help but admire how sweet he was with his friends. Happy and vacant.
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When Coady's band came on, Jenn didn't fare well. She stood with her arms crossed over her shoulders in the distance, watching everyone but Coady, though her eye usually ended up wandering towards him. While they played, Nicole stood off the side watching. Seeing him for the asshole she'd always pictured him to be.
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After they finished, which seemed to drag forever, Coady helped move equipment. When he was done he disapeared and then Jenn looked pale and deflated.
"I can't tell him," Nicole said softly to Jenn. She understood - or maybe she didn't. Either way, she wasn't about to go and bitch her best friend out for her personal decision. Whether it was Nicole's responsibilty or not to tell Ryan, it was her choice to not to. Nicole was pulled by Karli off to the merchandise table while Jenn stood in a heaping crowd, unsure.
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"Jenn," Coady practically yelled from behind her.
She spun around. "You came, you came!" he yelled, his voice filled with joy. Jenn didn't smile. Didn't move. She winced. Coady's face grew serious.
"I need to talk to you - badly," he said to her.
She glanced around and then back at him. "Why? What is there to say?" she snapped.
"I know you're mad, but please Jenn, it's important," he begged.
"I don't care!" she yelled at him.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer, "Come on, don't make a scene, we'll just go back there," he said trying to keep his voice low.
"No! No!" she screamed, and ripped herself from him. "I don't trust you, and I sure as hell don't respect anything you have to say. You just use girls, and it's disgusting!" she screamed. Almost everyone heard. Most glanced over at them, as Coady went beat red. Jenn stood, undaunted.
"Fine, forget it," he snapped and stomped off, pissed off.
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Jenn found Nicole and begged her to call for a ride home - now. Nicole didn't ask either, just did it.
Both girls sat in the backseat on the way back. "That was a bust," Jenn said uneasily, after explaining to Nicole everyone that had happened. "You held your ground, and you were strong," Nicole said to Jenn. It made her feel better.
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That, was their pitiful closure. After that night, both girls began to move on.
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Jenn didn't even wonder what Coady had to say, she wasn't even curious. And that was closure enough for her. If she had still loved him the way she imagined, she would've fallen asleep every night wondering what on earth he could've needed to say, but she fell asleep softly now.
Closure.
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Nicole got her abortion. When the abortion was complete, she felt ridded of all of the Ryan that dwelled inside her. No longer was he haunting her.
Closure.
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After what had happened to Nicole, the thought of dating, or even looking for a boy, was disgusting for her. It churned her stomach. She decided she wouldn't date until she was completely ready before she got into any of that. Jenn, however, felt like she needed somebody else to start completely fresh. She began to date Jackie, a boy who went to a private school, but lived shockingly close to her.
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Nicole began to deal with the rumors going around that she was a slut. Somehow, it had gotten out that she'd had an abortion. Most people didn't believe it, but some others did. A girl had walked up to her and actually had the nerve to tell her that abortion was murder. Nicole didn't know what to say. She tried to block that all out, along with everyone else.
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Karli, Nicole, Jenn, Jackie, Matt, Kelly, and Clarissa all sat outside on the sidewalk.
"So are we all going to the show on Friday?" Jackie asked, looking around.
Kelly laughed, "HA! Right! Like I'm up for listening to hours of RAH RAH RAH screaming."
Clarissa frowned. "I'm working," she said in a sad voice.
Matt shook his head. "My mom is forcing me to go down the my grandpa's house for the entire weekend," he sighed, shuttering at the thought of endless hours of bingo and black jack with his barely breathing grandpa.
Nicole, Karli, Jenn, and Jackie all agreed to go.
"I'm getting a ride with my sister, I'll see you there," Karli said.
Jackie shrugged. "I'll drive you two, then," he said, nodding towards Jenn and Nicole. Jackie bent over and kissed Jenn, then he stood up and stretched. "I'm off, I'll pick you guys up Friday at four."
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Another show, a new train of thought. When they arrived, Nicole and Jenn were giddy and hyper like they used to be. Jackie wasn't exactly loving how Jenn's eyes turned into giant hearts whenever a hot boy walked past, but instead of saying anything, just wrapped his arm tightly around her, warding off most boys.
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Nicole wandered off looking around, saying hi to some people. When the music began, she stood at the side, as usual. Jackie and Jenn approached behind her and all listened to the bands.
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Time had flown, like it used to. Already, four bands had played and gone off, and no drama, nothing bad had occured. It was when Coady's band came on, that tension built inside Jenn. She straightened up, and then looked at Jackie reassuringly. She looked at his pretty face, and when he caught her glance, her bent towards her and kissed her gently. That put all doubt out of her. She looked towards the floor in confidence.
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Coady had never sung in his entire life - when performing. So it was a shock when Coady placed the mic to his lips, and turned around. He didn't have his bass either. James and Jason put down their guitars and grabbed acoustic ones. Stuart, the lead singer, actually wandered off the floor and was drinking water and talking to random people. Coady stood unsure of exactly how to begin, and then glanced at Jenn. He sighed, and then opened his mouth and began.
"I know I broke your heart
And I know I made you cry
but I've been crying as hard as you
Knowing you've said goodbye
I'd tell you to come back, come back
because more than ever I need you with me
But I don't deserve your love
So I'll let all of this settle and sink
But I need to let you know
What we did was as real as it could be
And a part of me will always love you
Though you won't say the same about me
I ran, not knowing where to go
I just needed to look into your pretty eyes one last time
But you're gone, I've lost you
You'll never be mine
Out in the rain, out in the sand
Where our memories softly taunt me
Running thick through the sand
And into the deep sea
When I close my eyes
I can see your sweet soft face
And it's the only thing I've got
that can keep me in my place
So you'll go
you'll go
Leaving me to drown in our reminisce
But I'll never be able to sleep at night
Until I can tell you this...
I ran, not knowing where to go
I just needed to look into your pretty eyes one last time
But you're gone, I've lost you
You'll never be mine
Out in the rain, out in the sand
Where our memories softly taunt me
Running thick through the sand
And into the deep sea."
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When he was finished, with tears his eyes, he slowly stepped back. Jenn was speechless and unsure. Jackie looked confused and unhappy. Coady's girlfriend had gone so beat red with rage in the face, Jenn looked scared. But the rage was directed towards Coady. Jenn broke free of Jackie's grip and ran off into the bathroom, where she would collapse and burst into tears. Jackie was about to run after her, and dare go into the girls washroom, but Nicole stopped him.
"Let her figure things out," she said softly.
Jackie stood unsure of what to do. "This is the part where you slowly back away and just let her make her decision," Nicole said gently. Jackie looked pissed off. He walked away.
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The second Nicole was left alone, an arm not softly, but roughly grabbed her. It was Ryan. He looked angry and confused beyond belief. He said nothing, just directed her to the back door and outside. When they got outside into the night, he began to walk quickly. He walked ahead of her, onto the deserted grass, up the hill. He kept walking and walking ahead, Nicole dragging behind. She didn't understand where he was going.
"Ryan?" she asked and he spun around in complete rage.
"How could you, Nicole!" he bellowed, running back to her and grabbing onto her shoulders.
"You were pregnant!" he yelled louder. Nicole didn't speak. "You aborted!" he yelled even louder. She said nothing.
"Was that your idea of a sick little revenge against me?" he screamed.
"No!" she yelled back. It hadn't been.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant!" he screamed even louder.
"How... how could you?" he finally cried.
"I didn't tell you, because I didn't want you to feel obligated," she lied. He saw right through it.
"Bullshit! How can you kill our baby and not even tell me!" he screamed.
"Because it meant nothing to you," she choked.
He froze for a second. Suddenly he saw it the distorted way she saw it. He slowly dropped to his knees, shaking with sobs. He pressed his face into her stomach - where their baby had once been growing. He wrapped his arms around her waist and sobbed into her stomach. She stood there, sobbing a little herself. Why? She didn't know.
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Eventually Ryan let go and walked off, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Nicole stood on the empty hill for a little while, until he was nothing more than a spec of a silhouette. Then she walked down, to find Jenn and Jackie and to go home.
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Jackie drove Jenn and Nicole home silently. He dropped Nicole off and then he turned to Jenn.
"I know you have a history with Coady. I thought you were over him, but clearly you're not. So basically, I don't think we should be together. You sort whatever it is you have to sort out. And if it's him you want - fine. But if you decide otherwise, I'll be here," he said in a dead tone. He dropped her off and then drove home.
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The second worst night? Or maybe the first.
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In the morning, a week later, on a sunny day, Nicole took a train down to London. She walked to Ryan's house, and knocked on the door. He answered shirtless, wearing just baggy plaid pants. His hair was a mess and he was rubbing his eyes. They widened when he saw Nicole.
"Can we talk?" she asked.
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Jenn sat at home. She stared down at Coady's picture. A game, it was. She would call him, he would be over her. She'd get over him, he'd come crawling back. She wasn't sure what she wanted, but she clung onto the fact that when Coady sang that song, she had forgiven him. To know that he infact didn't just use her gave her hope - that maybe one day, they could be together.
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Nicole and Ryan sat on his front stoop beside each other.
"I should've told you. I wanted to tell you, I planned on telling you. I just lost the courage when I saw you. When I saw you, I somehow got it in my head that it wouldn't matter. And sometimes people are better off not knowing," she said.
"I have this pit in my stomach, thinking about how we were going to have a baby," he said.
"I had that pit too," she said.
"I had a right to know," he said softly.
"I know," she replied.
Very slowly he draped his arm around her, bringing her into him. "I wish you had told me. I don't think either of us would be ready for a baby, but I would've wanted to be there... when you aborted. By your side," he said. "We'll move on, Nicole. We'll push forward. We'll make things right."
"He doesn't know your number, so it doesn't mean anything if you don't get a call," Nicole said trying to cheer Jenn up when another day passed without the telephone ringing.
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At school, things had been no better. Nicole and Jenn had been moping around, putting a downside on their usual good time. Their friends were growing restless with Jenn and Nicole's need to slowly decompose.
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"I feel like I'm going to be sick," Nicole cried, running up from her locker and booking it into the bathroom where she fell onto the floor in the bathroom stall and puked all over and in the toilet.
Jenn and Kelly had watched her run, and then looked at eachother.
"She's really taking the break-up out of line, don't you think?" Kelly said. Jenn said nothing.
"A little dramatic?" Kelly persisted, but Jenn stayed silent.
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Jenn's head was filled with the thoughts of the upcoming show Coady would be playing at. Her first reaction, was No. No, she would not go to the show, she wouldn't deal with seeing him there, she would just curl up in bed and pretend he didn't exact. After an hour of thinking, her final decision was simple. She would not let Coady ruin anything else in her life. He had taken her virginity, her pride, her heart, but now Jenn drew the line.
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Nicole came back looking peaked and weak. She announced she was going home, packed up and just left. That night, Nicole called Jenn and Jenn quickly brought up the show. Like Jenn's, Nicole's first reaction was no. But after Jenn talked to her about it, Nicole relented and agreed. Nicole knew Ryan would be at the show, but she would simply make no contact with him whatsoever.
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It was Thursday, the day before the show, that all hell broke loose. Nicole came to school looking not white, but terrified. A face Jenn had never seen before. She had come seperately this time, though her and Jenn always walked together - which was strange for Jenn. She slunk to her locker mindlessly, while Jenn stared at her, waiting for her to speak.
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"Jenn. I went to the doctors today. I'm pregnant," she whispered in a hoarse voice.
Jenn didn't know how to react. She nervously glanced down at Nicole's stomach, then back up at her face.
"What are you going to do?" Jenn asked. There was no point in saying the usual questions such as, Are you sure? Are you serious? Are you okay? Did you go to the doctors? Jenn knew the answers, so she didn't even bother.
"I don't know," Nicole's voice said in a raspy tone.
Nicole didn't want the baby. Though she thought abortion was terrible, when she was put in the fragile state of actually being pregnant, it was what she wanted. She was not ready to raise a baby, she knew she wouldn't be able to part with putting the baby in an Adoption Centre. She didn't want the baby. But little thoughts tickled at her, thoughts that stirred and made her feel sick. She knew, deep done, she had to tell Ryan before she went through with it. Jenn agreed.
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At the show, both girls stood nervous and unsure of exactly what to do. They stood beside each other, looking for both boys, mainly just so they could properly shun them. Nicole had seemed to lose her voice, while Jenn stood shaking nervously.
"Oh God, his girlfriend is here," Jenn moaned, regretting she'd gone to this damned show. Coady's girlfriend stood tall, pretty and dominiant, scanning the crowds, probably looking for any trace of Jenn whatsoever.
"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back," Jenn lied, running off into the bathroom.
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Nicole looked around, until she'd spotted him. He was standing in a clump of people, happy and bouncy, the same way he'd been when she went up to him at the last show. He was laughing and giggling at something the nearest girl had said. He looked completely untouched, unpained, the complete opposite of how Nicole felt. She wanted to run up to him, and damper his mood.
"You got me pregnant, you asshole!" she'd scream and all of his friends would freeze. Ryan would be embarrassed beyond belief. That was the sort of revenge Nicole felted like inflicting. But at the same time, she couldn't help but admire how sweet he was with his friends. Happy and vacant.
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When Coady's band came on, Jenn didn't fare well. She stood with her arms crossed over her shoulders in the distance, watching everyone but Coady, though her eye usually ended up wandering towards him. While they played, Nicole stood off the side watching. Seeing him for the asshole she'd always pictured him to be.
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After they finished, which seemed to drag forever, Coady helped move equipment. When he was done he disapeared and then Jenn looked pale and deflated.
"I can't tell him," Nicole said softly to Jenn. She understood - or maybe she didn't. Either way, she wasn't about to go and bitch her best friend out for her personal decision. Whether it was Nicole's responsibilty or not to tell Ryan, it was her choice to not to. Nicole was pulled by Karli off to the merchandise table while Jenn stood in a heaping crowd, unsure.
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"Jenn," Coady practically yelled from behind her.
She spun around. "You came, you came!" he yelled, his voice filled with joy. Jenn didn't smile. Didn't move. She winced. Coady's face grew serious.
"I need to talk to you - badly," he said to her.
She glanced around and then back at him. "Why? What is there to say?" she snapped.
"I know you're mad, but please Jenn, it's important," he begged.
"I don't care!" she yelled at him.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer, "Come on, don't make a scene, we'll just go back there," he said trying to keep his voice low.
"No! No!" she screamed, and ripped herself from him. "I don't trust you, and I sure as hell don't respect anything you have to say. You just use girls, and it's disgusting!" she screamed. Almost everyone heard. Most glanced over at them, as Coady went beat red. Jenn stood, undaunted.
"Fine, forget it," he snapped and stomped off, pissed off.
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Jenn found Nicole and begged her to call for a ride home - now. Nicole didn't ask either, just did it.
Both girls sat in the backseat on the way back. "That was a bust," Jenn said uneasily, after explaining to Nicole everyone that had happened. "You held your ground, and you were strong," Nicole said to Jenn. It made her feel better.
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That, was their pitiful closure. After that night, both girls began to move on.
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Jenn didn't even wonder what Coady had to say, she wasn't even curious. And that was closure enough for her. If she had still loved him the way she imagined, she would've fallen asleep every night wondering what on earth he could've needed to say, but she fell asleep softly now.
Closure.
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Nicole got her abortion. When the abortion was complete, she felt ridded of all of the Ryan that dwelled inside her. No longer was he haunting her.
Closure.
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After what had happened to Nicole, the thought of dating, or even looking for a boy, was disgusting for her. It churned her stomach. She decided she wouldn't date until she was completely ready before she got into any of that. Jenn, however, felt like she needed somebody else to start completely fresh. She began to date Jackie, a boy who went to a private school, but lived shockingly close to her.
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Nicole began to deal with the rumors going around that she was a slut. Somehow, it had gotten out that she'd had an abortion. Most people didn't believe it, but some others did. A girl had walked up to her and actually had the nerve to tell her that abortion was murder. Nicole didn't know what to say. She tried to block that all out, along with everyone else.
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Karli, Nicole, Jenn, Jackie, Matt, Kelly, and Clarissa all sat outside on the sidewalk.
"So are we all going to the show on Friday?" Jackie asked, looking around.
Kelly laughed, "HA! Right! Like I'm up for listening to hours of RAH RAH RAH screaming."
Clarissa frowned. "I'm working," she said in a sad voice.
Matt shook his head. "My mom is forcing me to go down the my grandpa's house for the entire weekend," he sighed, shuttering at the thought of endless hours of bingo and black jack with his barely breathing grandpa.
Nicole, Karli, Jenn, and Jackie all agreed to go.
"I'm getting a ride with my sister, I'll see you there," Karli said.
Jackie shrugged. "I'll drive you two, then," he said, nodding towards Jenn and Nicole. Jackie bent over and kissed Jenn, then he stood up and stretched. "I'm off, I'll pick you guys up Friday at four."
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Another show, a new train of thought. When they arrived, Nicole and Jenn were giddy and hyper like they used to be. Jackie wasn't exactly loving how Jenn's eyes turned into giant hearts whenever a hot boy walked past, but instead of saying anything, just wrapped his arm tightly around her, warding off most boys.
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Nicole wandered off looking around, saying hi to some people. When the music began, she stood at the side, as usual. Jackie and Jenn approached behind her and all listened to the bands.
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Time had flown, like it used to. Already, four bands had played and gone off, and no drama, nothing bad had occured. It was when Coady's band came on, that tension built inside Jenn. She straightened up, and then looked at Jackie reassuringly. She looked at his pretty face, and when he caught her glance, her bent towards her and kissed her gently. That put all doubt out of her. She looked towards the floor in confidence.
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Coady had never sung in his entire life - when performing. So it was a shock when Coady placed the mic to his lips, and turned around. He didn't have his bass either. James and Jason put down their guitars and grabbed acoustic ones. Stuart, the lead singer, actually wandered off the floor and was drinking water and talking to random people. Coady stood unsure of exactly how to begin, and then glanced at Jenn. He sighed, and then opened his mouth and began.
"I know I broke your heart
And I know I made you cry
but I've been crying as hard as you
Knowing you've said goodbye
I'd tell you to come back, come back
because more than ever I need you with me
But I don't deserve your love
So I'll let all of this settle and sink
But I need to let you know
What we did was as real as it could be
And a part of me will always love you
Though you won't say the same about me
I ran, not knowing where to go
I just needed to look into your pretty eyes one last time
But you're gone, I've lost you
You'll never be mine
Out in the rain, out in the sand
Where our memories softly taunt me
Running thick through the sand
And into the deep sea
When I close my eyes
I can see your sweet soft face
And it's the only thing I've got
that can keep me in my place
So you'll go
you'll go
Leaving me to drown in our reminisce
But I'll never be able to sleep at night
Until I can tell you this...
I ran, not knowing where to go
I just needed to look into your pretty eyes one last time
But you're gone, I've lost you
You'll never be mine
Out in the rain, out in the sand
Where our memories softly taunt me
Running thick through the sand
And into the deep sea."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When he was finished, with tears his eyes, he slowly stepped back. Jenn was speechless and unsure. Jackie looked confused and unhappy. Coady's girlfriend had gone so beat red with rage in the face, Jenn looked scared. But the rage was directed towards Coady. Jenn broke free of Jackie's grip and ran off into the bathroom, where she would collapse and burst into tears. Jackie was about to run after her, and dare go into the girls washroom, but Nicole stopped him.
"Let her figure things out," she said softly.
Jackie stood unsure of what to do. "This is the part where you slowly back away and just let her make her decision," Nicole said gently. Jackie looked pissed off. He walked away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The second Nicole was left alone, an arm not softly, but roughly grabbed her. It was Ryan. He looked angry and confused beyond belief. He said nothing, just directed her to the back door and outside. When they got outside into the night, he began to walk quickly. He walked ahead of her, onto the deserted grass, up the hill. He kept walking and walking ahead, Nicole dragging behind. She didn't understand where he was going.
"Ryan?" she asked and he spun around in complete rage.
"How could you, Nicole!" he bellowed, running back to her and grabbing onto her shoulders.
"You were pregnant!" he yelled louder. Nicole didn't speak. "You aborted!" he yelled even louder. She said nothing.
"Was that your idea of a sick little revenge against me?" he screamed.
"No!" she yelled back. It hadn't been.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant!" he screamed even louder.
"How... how could you?" he finally cried.
"I didn't tell you, because I didn't want you to feel obligated," she lied. He saw right through it.
"Bullshit! How can you kill our baby and not even tell me!" he screamed.
"Because it meant nothing to you," she choked.
He froze for a second. Suddenly he saw it the distorted way she saw it. He slowly dropped to his knees, shaking with sobs. He pressed his face into her stomach - where their baby had once been growing. He wrapped his arms around her waist and sobbed into her stomach. She stood there, sobbing a little herself. Why? She didn't know.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Eventually Ryan let go and walked off, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Nicole stood on the empty hill for a little while, until he was nothing more than a spec of a silhouette. Then she walked down, to find Jenn and Jackie and to go home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jackie drove Jenn and Nicole home silently. He dropped Nicole off and then he turned to Jenn.
"I know you have a history with Coady. I thought you were over him, but clearly you're not. So basically, I don't think we should be together. You sort whatever it is you have to sort out. And if it's him you want - fine. But if you decide otherwise, I'll be here," he said in a dead tone. He dropped her off and then drove home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The second worst night? Or maybe the first.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In the morning, a week later, on a sunny day, Nicole took a train down to London. She walked to Ryan's house, and knocked on the door. He answered shirtless, wearing just baggy plaid pants. His hair was a mess and he was rubbing his eyes. They widened when he saw Nicole.
"Can we talk?" she asked.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jenn sat at home. She stared down at Coady's picture. A game, it was. She would call him, he would be over her. She'd get over him, he'd come crawling back. She wasn't sure what she wanted, but she clung onto the fact that when Coady sang that song, she had forgiven him. To know that he infact didn't just use her gave her hope - that maybe one day, they could be together.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nicole and Ryan sat on his front stoop beside each other.
"I should've told you. I wanted to tell you, I planned on telling you. I just lost the courage when I saw you. When I saw you, I somehow got it in my head that it wouldn't matter. And sometimes people are better off not knowing," she said.
"I have this pit in my stomach, thinking about how we were going to have a baby," he said.
"I had that pit too," she said.
"I had a right to know," he said softly.
"I know," she replied.
Very slowly he draped his arm around her, bringing her into him. "I wish you had told me. I don't think either of us would be ready for a baby, but I would've wanted to be there... when you aborted. By your side," he said. "We'll move on, Nicole. We'll push forward. We'll make things right."
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