My happy endings (A My Chemical Romance story), chapter 11
Everyone left and went to their homes to get there clothes for tomorrow. Gerard and I were sat together on the warm couch. I still couldn't think straight. I was scared, depressed and nervous about tomorrow. I could feel all the sadness and presurre building up in me that felt like I'd just been shot. Like I was slowly letting the blood run free and me dropping dead.
I yawned. I pulled my feet on the couch and rested my head on Gerard's shoulder.
"Your not getting tired are you?" Gerard asked.
"I am but I won't sleep," I replied.
"Why's that sugar?"
"Because of tomorrow."
"Don't worry about tomorrow. It'd be fine."
"Oh, well I better try. Night." I smiled kissing Gerard on the cheek.
"Night sugar."
I headed up to my room to get ready. Or I could... I opened the dark brown draw where the knife laid. I pulled it out and wrapped it in my black night clothes. I was waiting for this moment for ages. I headed for the bathroom just as Gerard walked past heading to his room.
"What you doing?" Gerard asked suspisiously stopping in the hallway in front of me.
"Just going to the loo," I replied nervously hiding the knife behind my back.
"Show me what's behind your back," he said.
Oh shit.
I pulled the night clothes from behind my back. Gerard looked at me like he knew what I was doing. Like he was reading my mind.
"Okay, sorry," he said walking into his room.
I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door. Running to the sink I got the blade out of my bundle of clothes. I put my left hand over the sink and looked at the redish colored line from my previous cut. Should I? I did promise Gerard. I ignored everything and put the blade to my wrist. I pressed down hard letting my blood run freely.
The overwhelming feeling was back. And this one felt so good. It felt better than the other times I had. I began to deepen further into my wrist. The pain was good. My arm went numb and I dropped the knife in the sink. I looked up at the ceiling taking in all the sweet venomous pleasure that out that almost felt addictive. I wanted to do it again. Over and over again. In the sink was a puddle of what vampires call heaven. I watched as the blood ran into the sink from my wrist.
"I'm sorry Gerard," I sobbed.
I picked up at the knife and put the knife in the same wound making it bleed even more. I let out a loud yelp as the tip of the knife last came out of the wound.
There was a loud thud on the door.
"Steph. Are you in there? You've been in there ages."
I had. Why do I always get caught doing this?
"I'll be out in a minute," I called back hoping that he hadn't caught on.
The blood still ran fast from my bleeding wrist like it did when it first collided. I put some tissue on it to at least slow the flowing. It didn't work and just fell apart in my hand.
"Come on!" Gerard said.
I give in.
"Gerard," I cried opening the door and reaviling the blood spilling from my sliced wrist.
"You promised me this wouldn't happen," Gerard said.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it," I cried.
"Okay, okay," Gerard said looking a little worried.
I went over to the sink alone side Gerard and let the blood run in the sink again.
"Thats a lot of blood," Gerard said turning as pale as a ghost.
"I'll sort it out," I said noticing Gerard's pale face.
"That blood isn't gonna slow down for a while so I'll go get a bandage," Gerard said noticing the knife and taking it with him.
I knelt down on the floor collapsing in tears. He took the knife. I leant up against the white bath as Gerard came back with a bandage and some tape. He knelt down next to me and turned over my wrist. He saw the double cut. I could sence that it hurt him. He wrapped that bandage around my wrist and taped it up. I washed out the sink and sat down on the floor next to him. Gerard face had turned as white as white could be and he was crying. I hated seeing Gee like this.
"Gerard. I'm sorry. I didn't think this would affect you," I said crying now too.
I wrapped my arms around his warm body.
"It just hurts to see that again. It hurts even more to see someone you love do that."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say but that."
"I just don't want to see you or hear of you doing that again."
"I can't anyway. You have the knife."
"I do."
"Gerard, I feel so shit knowing that I can't cut and all my resources are gone."
"It would and maybe that's a good thing"
Gerard took my hand and lead me downstairs. He opened the fridge and got out some apple juice. Pouring it into two glasses he gave me the glass. He look pissed off.
"Have I annoyed you?" I asked.
"Just a little bit." Gerard sighed.
"Sorry," I said giving him a hug.
Gerard gave me a kiss on the forehead. I looked up and wiped the tears from his tearstained face.
"Do you want to go sit down?" Gerard asked.
"Yeah." I replied as we sat down on the couch in the living room and drunk our drinks.
We put the empty glasses on the coffee table and sat and hugged again. The rest of the guys that was here before came through the front door, said hi and rushed upstairs with there clothes for the funeral.
"We're going straight to bed," Xanthe said as everyone followed exept Frank.
"Are you okay guys?" Frank asked looking at us curiously. "What have you done to your wrist Steph?"
"I did it again," I cried.
"I saw and she did it badly," Gerard said.
"Gerard, do you want to go to bed and I'll sort out Steph?" Frank asked.
"Are you sure?" Gerard asked.
"Come on. I did this with you," Frank said.
"Okay," Gerard said giving me a peck on the lips. "Night. I owe you one Frank."
Frank came and sat next to be.
"Steph, cutting doesn't resort to anything," Frank said hugging me.
"It does. I'm perfectly fine."
"No your not. You're ill. Your depressed, nothing's perfectly fine with that. We need to get you health and help you relise that we're here to help," Frank said.
"Frank, what else am I supposed to do. I can't run away from this and the funeral is tomorrow."
"If you feel the slightest bit ill or wrong or need to cut tell us and we'll take you out for a walk and walk it off. It works. I had to do it with Gee."
"I will next time."
"Gerards probably said to you before but I'm here for you, Gerard is, we all are. Including the girls."
I yawned. I pulled my feet on the couch and rested my head on Gerard's shoulder.
"Your not getting tired are you?" Gerard asked.
"I am but I won't sleep," I replied.
"Why's that sugar?"
"Because of tomorrow."
"Don't worry about tomorrow. It'd be fine."
"Oh, well I better try. Night." I smiled kissing Gerard on the cheek.
"Night sugar."
I headed up to my room to get ready. Or I could... I opened the dark brown draw where the knife laid. I pulled it out and wrapped it in my black night clothes. I was waiting for this moment for ages. I headed for the bathroom just as Gerard walked past heading to his room.
"What you doing?" Gerard asked suspisiously stopping in the hallway in front of me.
"Just going to the loo," I replied nervously hiding the knife behind my back.
"Show me what's behind your back," he said.
Oh shit.
I pulled the night clothes from behind my back. Gerard looked at me like he knew what I was doing. Like he was reading my mind.
"Okay, sorry," he said walking into his room.
I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door. Running to the sink I got the blade out of my bundle of clothes. I put my left hand over the sink and looked at the redish colored line from my previous cut. Should I? I did promise Gerard. I ignored everything and put the blade to my wrist. I pressed down hard letting my blood run freely.
The overwhelming feeling was back. And this one felt so good. It felt better than the other times I had. I began to deepen further into my wrist. The pain was good. My arm went numb and I dropped the knife in the sink. I looked up at the ceiling taking in all the sweet venomous pleasure that out that almost felt addictive. I wanted to do it again. Over and over again. In the sink was a puddle of what vampires call heaven. I watched as the blood ran into the sink from my wrist.
"I'm sorry Gerard," I sobbed.
I picked up at the knife and put the knife in the same wound making it bleed even more. I let out a loud yelp as the tip of the knife last came out of the wound.
There was a loud thud on the door.
"Steph. Are you in there? You've been in there ages."
I had. Why do I always get caught doing this?
"I'll be out in a minute," I called back hoping that he hadn't caught on.
The blood still ran fast from my bleeding wrist like it did when it first collided. I put some tissue on it to at least slow the flowing. It didn't work and just fell apart in my hand.
"Come on!" Gerard said.
I give in.
"Gerard," I cried opening the door and reaviling the blood spilling from my sliced wrist.
"You promised me this wouldn't happen," Gerard said.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it," I cried.
"Okay, okay," Gerard said looking a little worried.
I went over to the sink alone side Gerard and let the blood run in the sink again.
"Thats a lot of blood," Gerard said turning as pale as a ghost.
"I'll sort it out," I said noticing Gerard's pale face.
"That blood isn't gonna slow down for a while so I'll go get a bandage," Gerard said noticing the knife and taking it with him.
I knelt down on the floor collapsing in tears. He took the knife. I leant up against the white bath as Gerard came back with a bandage and some tape. He knelt down next to me and turned over my wrist. He saw the double cut. I could sence that it hurt him. He wrapped that bandage around my wrist and taped it up. I washed out the sink and sat down on the floor next to him. Gerard face had turned as white as white could be and he was crying. I hated seeing Gee like this.
"Gerard. I'm sorry. I didn't think this would affect you," I said crying now too.
I wrapped my arms around his warm body.
"It just hurts to see that again. It hurts even more to see someone you love do that."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say but that."
"I just don't want to see you or hear of you doing that again."
"I can't anyway. You have the knife."
"I do."
"Gerard, I feel so shit knowing that I can't cut and all my resources are gone."
"It would and maybe that's a good thing"
Gerard took my hand and lead me downstairs. He opened the fridge and got out some apple juice. Pouring it into two glasses he gave me the glass. He look pissed off.
"Have I annoyed you?" I asked.
"Just a little bit." Gerard sighed.
"Sorry," I said giving him a hug.
Gerard gave me a kiss on the forehead. I looked up and wiped the tears from his tearstained face.
"Do you want to go sit down?" Gerard asked.
"Yeah." I replied as we sat down on the couch in the living room and drunk our drinks.
We put the empty glasses on the coffee table and sat and hugged again. The rest of the guys that was here before came through the front door, said hi and rushed upstairs with there clothes for the funeral.
"We're going straight to bed," Xanthe said as everyone followed exept Frank.
"Are you okay guys?" Frank asked looking at us curiously. "What have you done to your wrist Steph?"
"I did it again," I cried.
"I saw and she did it badly," Gerard said.
"Gerard, do you want to go to bed and I'll sort out Steph?" Frank asked.
"Are you sure?" Gerard asked.
"Come on. I did this with you," Frank said.
"Okay," Gerard said giving me a peck on the lips. "Night. I owe you one Frank."
Frank came and sat next to be.
"Steph, cutting doesn't resort to anything," Frank said hugging me.
"It does. I'm perfectly fine."
"No your not. You're ill. Your depressed, nothing's perfectly fine with that. We need to get you health and help you relise that we're here to help," Frank said.
"Frank, what else am I supposed to do. I can't run away from this and the funeral is tomorrow."
"If you feel the slightest bit ill or wrong or need to cut tell us and we'll take you out for a walk and walk it off. It works. I had to do it with Gee."
"I will next time."
"Gerards probably said to you before but I'm here for you, Gerard is, we all are. Including the girls."
