Wish You Were Here, chapter 4

"Feeling any better?" said Tre glancing over at me as I entered the kitchen. I knew that I did look a little better even though I was wearing last night's clothes. I'd combed my hair and had on some make up.

"A little," I said taking the mug of coffee that Tre was handing me. I took a sip, "You know you still make the best goddam hangover coffee," I said settling myself onto a kitchen stool and looking over my mug at him.

My mug, the mug that Tre had bought me one Christmas. We'd always exchanged Christmas stockings apart from last Christmas because that was the time that my relationship with Clive had started really dwindling, just after mine and Tre's birthday when I'd found out the news, the news that Clive couldn't handle when it came down to it. He'd tried living with it but in the end... he'd surprised me by giving up on me and wasn't the guy I thought he was.

"I don't believe that you brought this mug with you when you left Claudia's," I said to him taking another sip.

"Well... I knew you'd be visiting at some time or other so I just thought I'd bring it with me though the dishwasher seems to have worn the picture off a little," he said nodding at it.

It was a plain white mug with the picture of a Scottish punk rocker with the words 'Scottish Punk Bitch' on. I loved it and would have loved to have it at mine but he insisted on keeping it at his for some reason. Anyway I didn't have a 'mine' at that moment in time.

"Anyhow, the mug and I will be going back to Claudia's very soon," said Tre coming to sit alongside me on another kitchen stool.

"I'm so glad," I said to him, "you've finally both come to your senses and are getting back together, that's great, I'm pleased for you, and you know how much I love Claudia."

"No Jules we're not getting back together but we'll be starting our tour very soon and its going to be for over 18 months so I thought rather than leave this house standing empty I could rent it out and when I have breaks in the tour I can stay with Claudia. That way I'll be spending more time with Frankito."

"It's a sensible idea I suppose," I nodded my head but felt foolish for thinking that they'd get back together; they'd both insisted to me that they couldn't get back together, ever.

"Anyway I thought you'd just got back from touring?" I said to him frowning.

"Oh that was just a mini tour; we've got the biggy coming up," he said reaching across for his own mug of coffee. I read the words, Worlds Greatest Dad. He also had mugs with Worlds Greatest Golfer, Worlds Best Lover and Biggest Dick on though I'd not seen that one for a while and it was the one that I had bought him.

"Biggy?" I questioned.

"Oh come on Jules," Tre sighed and it was obvious that he was getting annoyed with me, "I mentioned it to you on the phone earlier in the year, our American Idiot tour; you know the album that we worked our butts off for is due out in September. It was part cause for Claudia and me to break up."

"Oh yeah... I remember now." But I hadn't remembered, vaguely I remember him saying those words 'American Idiot' but I was too wrapped up in my own emotions at that time.

"Too busy sitting on Cliff's dick more like," said Tre.

"It's Clive," I said to him. He'd mentioned Clive again, but I was still not ready to explain, wrong time, wrong place. We needed to get a suitable time together where I could explain. Properly explain.

"Yeah, whatever," said Tre sipping at his coffee, "anyway, how long has he let you off the leash for?"

"Not sure, I haven't decided, may be a couple of weeks." Forever more like.

"So where are you staying? You usually stay with Claudia and me. I've got plenty of room here."

But I interrupted him.

"I know you have but I've arranged to stay with Sara."

Tre rolled his eyes, never hiding his feelings about Sara.

Sara. He'd never quite taken to her. I'd always said it was because she was a female version of him.

"I'm meeting her and Adi in about half an hour for lunch. Can't we do something tomorrow?" I said to him draining my coffee.

"You can come down to the studios, Jason will be there," he said in a cooey type of voice, "and Cliff's not here."

"Oh fuck off Tre," I said to him, "when the hell are you going to shut the fuck up about that. It's wearing thin."

I'd never quite lived down the fact that when they were looking for someone to kiss Jason in the 'When I Come Around' video I'd put my hand up and said that I wouldn't mind doing it. I'd never heard the last of it since. Anyway, a couple of weeks before the shoot Jason got himself a girlfriend and he wanted to use her instead, which was fair enough.

"What time will you be there from?" I said to him.

"From about eleven," said Tre as I started getting my jacket on. "Say hi to the girls for me," said Tre beginning to clear up.

"I will, oh and Tre?" I said turning to him.

"Yeah?" he said looking up at me.

"They're getting younger," I said to him remembering Stephanie from earlier on.

"Who are?"

"The girls, the girls you're attracted to. Either they're getting younger or you're getting older, one of the two."

"It's not like that," said Tre putting the mugs into the dishwasher.

"Oh Tre, you know you'd give her one given half the chance."




Tre was just cleaning some more stuff away from the previous night's debris when the house phone rang.

"Tre?" said a Scottish accent before he'd even had a chance to speak.

"That you Cliff?" said Tre but knowing it was him.

"Its Clive. Is Julie with you?"

"Jules? Yes she was but she's gone to meet up with Adi and Sara."

Checking up on her are you? Asshole.

"Oh, right, it's just that I still have a few things of hers here. She was kind of upset when she left. Listen Tre... when she's found somewhere to live may be I could get her stuff sent out. Could you tell her to give me a call when she's ready?"

"Huh. When she's found somewhere to live?" said Tre scratching his head.

"Yeah, she has told you hasn't she?" said Clive a little apprehensively.

"Yeah, course she's told me," said Tre.

Tre said his goodbyes to Clive then sat down on the sofa, his mind shot slightly.

She's split up with the fucker and hasn't told me.



"Was that your phone?" said Adi putting her wine glass down on the table and glancing down at Jules' bag.

"Yes it was," I said. I'd heard it too and reached down to my bag to get out the phone to see who it was.

"It looks like I've got a voicemail; I'll just go outside and check it," I said to the girls getting up from the table and making my way out the door to where the toilets were.

I put the phone to my ear and listened. It was Tre.

"Get your ass back here, you've got some explaining to do."

I snapped the phone shut. Shit. He knew, but how? Bollocks.





"It was Tre, seems like he's found out about Clive and me splitting up," I said sitting back down at the table where the food had been placed and suddenly not feeling hungry after all.

"You should have told him last night," said Adi, "I don't understand what you are scared of?" She looked at me with her huge brown eyes but not really understanding my reasons.

"I was in no fit state last night and this morning I couldn't face it," I said reaching over for my glass of wine.

"This is Tre here Jules, I really cannot understand why you couldn't have just come out with it and told him," said Adi. No, she wouldn't understand.

"I'm nervous about it," I said. What was I saying? The truth was that yes I was nervous about telling him. This time it was worse than all the other times.

"Because he always blames you for past break-ups, that right?" said Adi.

"That's because it usually is my fault," I said glugging at my wine like there was no tomorrow but knowing that drink wasn't the answer.

"So... is it different this time? I got the impression that it was your doing," said Adi frowning at me now and glancing over at Sara who hadn't spoken at all about this yet.

"Well kind of my doing but... no... I'm not ready to explain at the moment." I didn't. I didn't want to explain, it would be difficult and painful and now wasn't the time when I was out with my friends trying to enjoy myself. I poured some more wine into my glass.

"Where are you staying, at Tre's?" said Sara. This was the first time she'd spoken about him. She couldn't get on that well with Tre either, it was a mutual kind of thing. They just put up with each other for my sakes.

"I was hoping to actually stay with you for a few days," I said to Sara. I should have spoken to her earlier about this.

"Damn, you can't," said Sara, "my brother is in town and staying for a month. He's looking for a job."

"Stay with us," said Adrienne immediately, "it would be great having you, I have a house full of guys remember. I could do with some female company about the place."

"I know but... no I'd better stay with Tre, like he says, I usually do." Yeah he'd only wonder why I was at Adi's house and not with him. Why were things so different this time round?

"He's going to find out about it sooner or later," said Adi, "anyway, what on earth happened? Did Clive have an affair or something?" she said topping up my glass.

"No... nothing like that, let's just say that Clive wasn't the person that I thought he was and I... I wasn't the person he thought I was. It was quite mutual in the end but... look... lets not keep talking about Clive. I came here to get away from the guy."

"No, let's talk about Clive," said Sara suddenly, "I've been dying to know what Clive was like in bed? You can tell us now that you're not with him."

"Oh Sara don't you ever change?" I said rolling my eyes at her. Glancing at my glass I noticed that I had finished my wine again without realising and the others seemed to still most of theirs left. I'd have to slow down; I didn't want a repeat performance after last night but my head felt slightly woozy. I'd probably had too much already.

"No, why should I change but I need to know what the fuck you saw in him. Either he has a huge bank balance or... a huge dick, one of the two."

The three girls laughed together and reached for their second bottle of wine. What the heck thought Jules; I need a drink to drown in.



Tre was pacing up and down the living room. He was angry with Jules for not telling him. She'd been in his house since last night and hadn't told him that she was no longer with Clive. Why? What on earth was she playing at? She should have been getting married in a couple of months. He'd known her so long but sometimes he just couldn't work her out.

He slumped onto the sofa, not sure really now what to do. He'd left one voicemail and after he'd left it realised that it may have sounded a bit harsh. Perhaps he should leave another. What was she doing leaving Clive? No one liked him much admittedly but... he been good to her and he'd even started getting along with the guy until he'd taken her away from them all, and she went with him all the way to Scotland leaving her friends and family to go with him. She must have loved him to do that. So what the fuck had happened? Tre was worried about her. Why hadn't she told him? She must have her reasons but what were they? She usually came straight out with it when she'd split up with the others. Oh Jules, what's going to become of you? He stood up and started pacing again. He decided to leave her another voicemail.

"Jules, its only me, what on earth happened? I'm worried about you and I'm... I'm sorry I got annoyed at you but why the fuck didn't you tell me? Come home and explain. I shall be here all evening.

He sat back down, now worried if he'd done the right thing by leaving her messages at all but he was worried about her, just like he had been all those years ago. Jules seemed an easy person to worry about...


Mendocino Hills

"Hi Gordon, is Jules in?" said Tre talking at the front door to Jules' dad.

"No Tre, she went into the town earlier, she should have been back about an hour ago but she must have missed the bus."

"What the 3 o'clock bus?" Said Tre.

"Yes," said Gordon, "I'm not sure what time the next one is. She usually gets the 2 o'clock or the 3 o'clock when she's in the town."

"But the 3 o'clock bus is the last one." said Tre a little concerned.

"What do you mean the last one?" Gordon was looking worried now.

Then Tre felt awful for bothering Gordon.

"It's the last one from the town but if you walk further out of town you can always get another one from there." Said Tre telling a lie and hating himself for it. There was no bus from town after 3 o'clock and that was that. Where the fuck was she?

"Anyway, thanks Gordon, I'll go and meet her," said Tre heading off before Gordon had a chance to ask him anything else.

The day was getting chillier and heavy grey clouds were rolling in and there was a spit of rain in the air as Tre headed off down the track towards his house. He popped his head in the door.

"Mom I'm just going to meet Jules off the bus," shouted Tre.

"Well you'll need to wear something waterproof then," shouted back his mother, "just look at those rain clouds blowing in."

"Yep, its OK mom, I've got my rain jacket," said Tre grabbing it from a coat hook in the hall. He didn't want to worry anyone but he had to find Jules. Where the fuck was she?

They'd had a small disagreement earlier, not much of one but enough for them to part on slightly bad terms.

He had been spending so much time playing his drums recently that he hadn't noticed the way that Toby had always been hanging around Jules. He hated that guy he was a good for nothing asshole but Jules couldn't see it. She was going to meet Toby in the town and Tre had told her straight that he was an asshole. Jules wouldn't listen.

They were 15 now and Jules looked different lately he'd noticed. Sometimes she'd come and listen to him play his drums and he must admit she did sit there ages watching him but he supposed after a couple of hours it could get kind of boring listening to someone practice constantly, going over the same songs all the time. She wasn't keen on Lawrence Livermore either, she said that Lawrence should be playing with guys more his own age but she always quick to tell them that they sounded great. Jules always praised his playing.

Lawrence had been great to him, getting him to join his band the Lookouts. They'd been practicing day in and day out for months; he'd hardly spent any time with Jules anymore, just now and again at their spot on their log, may be once a week, usually at the weekends.

But when he did see her he noticed that she'd been doing something with her eyebrows like may be plucking them thinner or something and she always wore different earrings and sometimes a necklace. She looked slimmer too like she was watching her weight because she wouldn't eat her mother's fruit cake anymore. Just gave him two pieces instead.

Anyway, where the fuck was she? I bet she'd told her parents she was in the town when really she was somewhere else. I bet she was with Toby the asshole after all thought Tre to himself getting angry now at Jules for lying to her parents, and to him.

He headed down past the lake, the rain getting heavier, the sky getting darker then walked up past the Hamilton house and along a path which lead out onto the road where they always caught the bus to school. The road was deserted so he just decided to walk towards the town when he heard something.

"Please Toby... I don't want to," he heard. It was Jules' voice definitely. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"You know you want to, look at how you've put that short skirt on for me." Toby's voice.

"Jules!" shouted Tre. "Is that you?" He was panicking now, something was not right here.

"Tre!" shouted Jules, "I'm over here." She didn't sound like she usually did thought Tre, she sounded scared.

Tre cut back into the woods and there she was pressed up against a tree with Toby pushing up against her. He had his hand up her skirt and Jules looked scared.

"Jules are you OK?" Tre said not liking the look of the scene in front of him.

"Of course she's OK," said Toby, "she's getting what she's been asking for aren't you Julie?"

Jules wasn't answering so Tre got in closer.

"Fuck off Tre Cool, go and bang your drums or something," said Toby, "leave us alone in private. Just because all you bang is drums, go away you shitty little pervert."

"Do you want me to go Jules?" Jules shook her head slightly looking at Tre he noticed she had tears in her eyes.

"She doesn't want me to go so it looks like you're the one that's got to go asshole," said Tre.

"May be she could have both of us," said Toby, "a cosy little threesome, I've always wanted to try that. How about it Julie?" Said Toby turning to look at Jules.

"Leave her alone." Said Tre getting slightly closer. He'd never hit anyone before but he felt like hitting this Toby. He'd never liked him; he was trouble, why couldn't Jules just see it.

"Are you going to make me?" said Toby

"Yeah."

"Please Tre," said Jules, "don't fight him, he's not worth it."

"Oh you thought I was worth it earlier you little cock tease when I had my tongue down your throat but you couldn't quite cut it could you when it came down to the rest of it."

Tre suddenly rushed behind Toby and got hold of the hood of his jacket and pulled it backwards pulling Toby down to the floor.

"Ouch you fucking loser you caught my throat then." Said Toby clutching at his throat.

"Get up," said Tre

"Oh.. so the drummer guy is threatening me," said Toby who stood inches above Tre but he wasn't as stocky as Tre, Tre had his weight as an advantage and as Toby stood up, Tre caught him off guard and slammed him one on the chin.

"Nice punch," said Toby, but what about this and he lashed out at Tre catching him on his jaw.

"Stop it!" shouted Jules, "please stop it you're hurting him."

Tre slightly stumbled back after that blow but got up again and punched Toby in the stomach. He was doubled over and Tre thought it was the ideal opportunity to punch him again on the face which he did.

"Ok... Ok," said Toby, "you win, you're welcome to her. She's a cocktease, good luck."

Tre just kicked out at Toby's leg and left him there in the pouring rain.

"Come on Jules," said Tre to Jules who was sobbing, her tears mixing in with the rain. She's been wearing make up thought Tre because that's running down her cheek too. He took off his raincoat and put it around Jules' shoulders to keep her warm; she was shaking from this experience. They went to the bus shelter then to let the rain ease off a little as there was nowhere else to go.

"Don't ask what I was doing with him because I don't know," said Jules sadly.

"Its OK," said Tre getting his sweatshirt sleeve and wiping at Jules' face, wiping the tears and the rain off, "you don't have to tell me, I don't need to know," he said. "Anyway, calm down a little, you can't go home just yet. I have a comb in my pocket, comb your hair and we'll sit here for a while until the rain dies off."

They sat there together listening to the rain splattering all around the bus shelter. It was chilly and Jules shivered. Tre noticed this and put his arm across her shoulder. She leant into him slightly.

"Jules why did you lie to your parents about going to the town?" said Tre after Jules had combed her hair, tied it into a ponytail and given him the comb back.

"Because I wanted to meet Toby and I knew they wouldn't let me."

"I'm not surprised Jules, he's an asshole, everyone knows it and just because he's a year older than us doesn't make him any better than us. Why don't you think he's with girls more his own age? They know what he's like so put it behind you, I'm sure he won't bothering you again," said Tre.

He took his arm from around her shoulder as she'd seemed to calm down a little and decided to change the subject, he was sick of talking about the asshole Toby.

"Aren't you babysitting the Hamilton twins tonight?"

"Yes I am, their mother is out again. She sure does go out a lot for someone whose husband is away at sea," sniffed Jules.

"You can't blame her, being stuck in the house in the middle of nowhere with two screaming five year olds," said Tre.

"They're not screaming five year olds," said Jules laughing.

"They don't scream for you," said Tre, "because they adore you. You'll make a great Mom someday," he said, "now," he said wiping her face once more, "let's get you home, and we'll just say the bus was a little late shall we. I won't say anything if you don't."

Jules just sniffed again and got up off the seat.

"What would I do without you?" she said to Tre as they left the bus shelter and walked along the track back home...



"Sooooo," said Sara, "what was Clive like in Bed?"

"Selfish," said Jules, "like all of them, he was selfish, aren't they all?"

"Oh no," said Sara, "not all, some, but not all."

"I don't believe in that 'swinging from the chandelier' kind of sex anyway," said Jules, "I don't think it even exists."

"Oh it does honey... believe me," said Sara.

"Oh, so is there someone at the moment that we should know about?" said Jules. She took another swig of her wine and realised that she must have had about four glasses and hardly anything to eat. She felt light headed but didn't care. She needed it.

"Not at the moment but recently there was. He was married though," she said not even looking guilty about it.

"Sara I'm surprised at you, that's always been your one golden rule. No married men."

"Well... this one just came into my path and lets just say after finding out what he can do with chocolate chip ice cream... well... say no more," she said.

Adrienne was just laughing beside Jules.

"And you can laugh we all know that you and Billie fuck like little rabbits when you can." Said Sara draining her glass of wine. She'd only had the one as she didn't like to drink at lunch times; she had a salon to run.

Nobody disagreed with Sara's statement because it was true. Adrienne and Billie couldn't get enough of each other since the day they'd met.

"Well apart from this past year," said Sara out of the blue.

Jules looked shocked and glanced over at Adi who wasn't looking at her, just looking down at her plate and fiddling around with her fork in uneaten spaghetti.

"What? Was there something wrong with you and Billie?"

Adi looked up. "It was just a little glitch, the guys were working so hard on this album; it took its toll a little," she shrugged, "and having two kids that didn't get to see him and him staying at the studio, sometimes for 24 hours at a time, we didn't hear from him and well... let's just say he ate, slept and breathed this American Idiot album."

"I'm sorry Ades I didn't realise, I've been... well... I can't apologise enough." I felt awful. How had I missed this?

"It's OK, we're fine again I just hope that this album is worth it," she said taking a sip of her wine, "it spelt the end for Claudia and Tre, she couldn't handle it and Mike's relationship came to an end too because of it."

"That just goes to prove how strong you and Billie are then," I said putting my hand onto hers.

"Little rabbits," said Sara, "actually Jules, I now someone you may be interested in," she said looking over at me. "It's someone who works with me. He's called Vincent and he's utterly adorable, just your type and just what you could do with at the moment. Also I have space for another hair stylist if you're interested, if you need the money, come back and work for me; you always were my best one."

"Thanks Sara, I'll think about it and I'll may be come in and check this Vincent out. How old is he?"

"He's 22."

"Shit. He's eleven years younger than me."

"Yes, like I said, just what you need," said Sara mockingly.

Sara could be a bitch but Adi and I loved her. She would never change and we didn't want her to. I'd met her when I landed my first job. She was my boss but when I thought back, so many of the stylists were scared of her but not me, we'd hit it off straight away.

She was 10 years older than me but still looked as good as any twenty year old. She never wanted to marry or have kids, she just wanted to do exactly as she wanted, she always said that life was too complicated and too short to get tied down to one man and as for kids, she just liked to adore other peoples and she did. She adored Adi's kids and they her. Billie even adored her; Mike didn't know which way to take her and Tre, Tre couldn't quite understand her.

"Anyway, back to Tre, you're going to have to explain you know, just out with it then it's done and you can move on. I still can't see your problem," said Adi.

"I can't explain everything. It's too complicated and I'm not sure I want him knowing all the details anyway." said Jules her head felt light and she knew she'd had too much to drink. She'd had more to drink in the last 24 hours than she'd had in a month. She wasn't used to it. Glancing at her watch she noticed it was only 3 O'clock in the afternoon and had drunk the best part of two bottles of wine to herself. She wanted to go home and just lie down and sleep but didn't have a home to go to. Realisation clicked in. She'd have to go to Tres, it was the only place but then he would want answers.

"I'm surprised, you and he used to share everything," said Adi interrupting her thoughts, "I'm sure there are things that you and he know that the rest of us don't. Look... you'll have to tell him sooner or later Jules, he's probably wondering what the hell's going on. What the fuck are you scared of Tre for? I really don't get it."

Jules just shrugged because she didn't really quite know herself. She kind of felt like he judges her, that he'd always judged her ever since that time when he had to fight that Toby off her. She'd never forgotten that, it was like a little scar that never quite disappears, always there. She'd often wondered what would have happened if Tre hadn't turned up that day in the woods. Toby was strong, he was aroused and he was angry. She shuddered thinking back to that incident.

She hated having to explain these things to Tre because it put her in that vulnerable position again, took her back to that time when he had to step in. She didn't want Tre to see her vulnerable. She wanted him to see her strong and in control but every time she tried to be like that it just came out wrong and so made her seem like a hard bitch.

She didn't want to be a hard bitch either she thought as she paid what she owed and said goodbye to the girls promising that she'd see them the next evening. She'd decided she would tell Adi then the reason why Clive and her had split. They'd have to know sooner or later and Adi was the best person to tell first. Yeah, Adi would understand she thought and Tre, Tre wouldn't. Tre would want to kill Clive so may be it was best that she took the blame herself. Yeah, that would be best.

Why couldn't I just be myself? Thought Jules suddenly walking out of the restaurant out into the street where couples were walking, hand in hand, kissing and looking into shop windows together. Why was it when you were alone it felt like everyone else had someone?

Someone bumped into her as she walked along. They were wearing a Green Day t-shirt and it brought her thoughts back to Tre.

This was Tre here, I am being foolish, and it had never been this bad before when I'd had to tell him something. Why suddenly didn't I know how to be in front of him?