I was sixteen years old, chapter 1
I was sitting on the couch watching Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit. That's the only good one. I was watching when I suddenly got the feeling. It was like none other I had ever had. I had this feeling, no, it was an urge. An urge I had never had before. I had the urge to do something illegal. I needed to break into a house, steal something.
I called Jeremy.
"Yo man, come pick me up."
"What? Why? Where are you? Who is this?" Does he not look at the phone when he picks it up?
"Man, are you high? It's Greg, I'm at home you dumbass." Jeremy was a dumbass.
"Okay, okay! No, I'm just tired."
"You're tired? It's 7:30."
"I had to get up early, I got this new job and..." Jeremy can go for hours when he's telling a story.
"I don't care what you did today, come pick me up, we're going out."
I hung up the phone and grabbed my jacket. I went outside and saw Jeremy pull out of his driveway across the street and into mine. I got on the car.
"What took you so long?"
"Sorry. There was traffic." I smacked him in the back of the head. "Where are we going?"
"Just drive around for a bit, around houses." I started scanning the area for empty driveways.
"Are you looking for a place to live? They kicked you out? Guy, you can always stay at my place. It'll be like when we were little and had sleepovers! Remember the time-"
"Shut up. I was not kicked out, we're going to break into someone's house. I feel like stealing something."
"What?" He had fear in his voice, "Guy, no guy, no I'm not doing this, you've gotten me into some shit before but breaking and entering? No, I'm taking you home."
"No you're not." Jeremy would do anything I told him to. He was whipped. "That's it."
I saw a house, no cars, no lights on. It was a big house, with a rose bush in the front. Jeremy pulled into the driveway. I smacked him. "You idiot! Drive around to the next street over. You can't park in front"
"Sorry guy, guess I wasn't thinking." He pulled out and turned down the street. "What if we got caught?"
"We won't." I didn't know that, but if I had said, 'If? Hell man, of course we're going to be caught! Were freaking breaking into a house!' he would not do it.
"Promise?" This kid's an idiot.
"Ya." No.
I got out of the car and went to hop the fence into the back yard. I noticed that there was no footsteps following me. I turned around and yelled to the car, "Get out here you pussy!"
"I'm going to wait in the car, so we can make a quick escape!" He smiled as he said this. As if he thought he was being useful, instead of hiding.
"Fine! But keep the motor going!" As I hopped the fence a piece of my pants ripped off. "Shit"
I got to the door. I wrapped my hand in my jacket and punched in a window. Ha! That was my first time ever doing that! It was awesome. I opened the window wider and squeezed inside. A broken piece of the window put a tear in my jacket. "Goddammit!"
I looked around the house. Pictures of grandkids were everywhere, and it smelled like soup. Clearly an old person's house, which means they had nothing worth stealing. I headed to the kitchen to see what they had in the fridge. I know that all my grandma does all day is cook.
I looked into the fridge. Nothing. What the hell kind of old person doesn't have food in their freaking fridge? I heard a honk from outside. Jeremy was clearly getting impatient. Screw it. The thrill was gone now anyway, but I still hadn't stolen anything.
I saw a salt and pepper shakers set sitting on the table. The salt was a little bride and the pepper was a little groom. They reminded me of the things you put on the top of wedding cakes. There was another honk. I grabbed the bride and ran out to the car.
As I reached the car, I heard a distant ambulance siren.
"It's the freaking cops!" Jeremy accelerated and was out of sight within seconds.
"Jeremy!" He couldn't hear me. That kid has serious issues. So I walked home through the saltshaker on my dresser and went to bed.
The next day I found out that Jeremy had gone missing. I knew Jeremy very well and he had always said that if he had to run from the law he would go to Mexico.
I told his mother, "It's okay Barb. I think I know where to find him, give me two hours." I left Jeremy's house and drove to the next town over from our own. The town we lived in didn't have a Taco Bell, the one over did.
As soon as I walked in, I saw Jeremy in the corner booth eating a Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco.
"Yo Jeremy, lets go, your mom's looking for you." I tapped him on the shoulder.
"I cant go back, the cops are on me."
"No they aren't. We got away with it, come on." He finally got up and we got into my car.
"So were you there all night?" I asked.
"No" I think he started to cry here. "I was driving around town thinking of where to go. I thought of Mexico, but I can't afford that much gas, so I came to Taco Bell and I've been eating soft tacos all night."
I got Jeremy home and when he was asked why he left he just said, "I really wanted a taco."
A few days later, my mom started talking to me about an old family friend, Mrs. Anderson.
"Some punk kids broke into her house the other day, you know?" She said.
"Oh really?" Wait, was that me? "What did they take?" If she says a saltshaker, I'm going to freak. I robbed Mrs. Anderson! She used to babysit Jeremy and me when we were about five years old. How didn't I remember her house though?
"She doesn't know yet. She just moved into that house too, poor old thing," That's why. "It's driving her crazy trying to figure out what they took." Wouldn't she notice her salt was missing? Oh, wait I forgot, this chick doesn't cook.
"I want you to bring over some shepperds pie for her." It's a good thing we're sending her food, or else she probably wouldn't eat.
"Okay, I'll do it later."
"No, you'll do it now." She gave me the mom look.
"Fine."
Next thing I know I'm sitting in the same house I was in three nights earlier. I had the wife saltshaker in my pocket I was going to return it, without her even knowing it was gone.
"Oh, thank-you Gregory." She is such a nice old woman, I rather feel bad now. I looked down on the table where the groom peppershaker stood, with out a bride. Poor guy. I sort of stole his wife from him.
I looked up and saw Mrs. Anderson running around the house, checking if every thing was in place. I looked back down at the peppershaker. He should be with his wife. I swept the peppershaker and ran out the front door.
I called Jeremy.
"Yo man, come pick me up."
"What? Why? Where are you? Who is this?" Does he not look at the phone when he picks it up?
"Man, are you high? It's Greg, I'm at home you dumbass." Jeremy was a dumbass.
"Okay, okay! No, I'm just tired."
"You're tired? It's 7:30."
"I had to get up early, I got this new job and..." Jeremy can go for hours when he's telling a story.
"I don't care what you did today, come pick me up, we're going out."
I hung up the phone and grabbed my jacket. I went outside and saw Jeremy pull out of his driveway across the street and into mine. I got on the car.
"What took you so long?"
"Sorry. There was traffic." I smacked him in the back of the head. "Where are we going?"
"Just drive around for a bit, around houses." I started scanning the area for empty driveways.
"Are you looking for a place to live? They kicked you out? Guy, you can always stay at my place. It'll be like when we were little and had sleepovers! Remember the time-"
"Shut up. I was not kicked out, we're going to break into someone's house. I feel like stealing something."
"What?" He had fear in his voice, "Guy, no guy, no I'm not doing this, you've gotten me into some shit before but breaking and entering? No, I'm taking you home."
"No you're not." Jeremy would do anything I told him to. He was whipped. "That's it."
I saw a house, no cars, no lights on. It was a big house, with a rose bush in the front. Jeremy pulled into the driveway. I smacked him. "You idiot! Drive around to the next street over. You can't park in front"
"Sorry guy, guess I wasn't thinking." He pulled out and turned down the street. "What if we got caught?"
"We won't." I didn't know that, but if I had said, 'If? Hell man, of course we're going to be caught! Were freaking breaking into a house!' he would not do it.
"Promise?" This kid's an idiot.
"Ya." No.
I got out of the car and went to hop the fence into the back yard. I noticed that there was no footsteps following me. I turned around and yelled to the car, "Get out here you pussy!"
"I'm going to wait in the car, so we can make a quick escape!" He smiled as he said this. As if he thought he was being useful, instead of hiding.
"Fine! But keep the motor going!" As I hopped the fence a piece of my pants ripped off. "Shit"
I got to the door. I wrapped my hand in my jacket and punched in a window. Ha! That was my first time ever doing that! It was awesome. I opened the window wider and squeezed inside. A broken piece of the window put a tear in my jacket. "Goddammit!"
I looked around the house. Pictures of grandkids were everywhere, and it smelled like soup. Clearly an old person's house, which means they had nothing worth stealing. I headed to the kitchen to see what they had in the fridge. I know that all my grandma does all day is cook.
I looked into the fridge. Nothing. What the hell kind of old person doesn't have food in their freaking fridge? I heard a honk from outside. Jeremy was clearly getting impatient. Screw it. The thrill was gone now anyway, but I still hadn't stolen anything.
I saw a salt and pepper shakers set sitting on the table. The salt was a little bride and the pepper was a little groom. They reminded me of the things you put on the top of wedding cakes. There was another honk. I grabbed the bride and ran out to the car.
As I reached the car, I heard a distant ambulance siren.
"It's the freaking cops!" Jeremy accelerated and was out of sight within seconds.
"Jeremy!" He couldn't hear me. That kid has serious issues. So I walked home through the saltshaker on my dresser and went to bed.
The next day I found out that Jeremy had gone missing. I knew Jeremy very well and he had always said that if he had to run from the law he would go to Mexico.
I told his mother, "It's okay Barb. I think I know where to find him, give me two hours." I left Jeremy's house and drove to the next town over from our own. The town we lived in didn't have a Taco Bell, the one over did.
As soon as I walked in, I saw Jeremy in the corner booth eating a Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco.
"Yo Jeremy, lets go, your mom's looking for you." I tapped him on the shoulder.
"I cant go back, the cops are on me."
"No they aren't. We got away with it, come on." He finally got up and we got into my car.
"So were you there all night?" I asked.
"No" I think he started to cry here. "I was driving around town thinking of where to go. I thought of Mexico, but I can't afford that much gas, so I came to Taco Bell and I've been eating soft tacos all night."
I got Jeremy home and when he was asked why he left he just said, "I really wanted a taco."
A few days later, my mom started talking to me about an old family friend, Mrs. Anderson.
"Some punk kids broke into her house the other day, you know?" She said.
"Oh really?" Wait, was that me? "What did they take?" If she says a saltshaker, I'm going to freak. I robbed Mrs. Anderson! She used to babysit Jeremy and me when we were about five years old. How didn't I remember her house though?
"She doesn't know yet. She just moved into that house too, poor old thing," That's why. "It's driving her crazy trying to figure out what they took." Wouldn't she notice her salt was missing? Oh, wait I forgot, this chick doesn't cook.
"I want you to bring over some shepperds pie for her." It's a good thing we're sending her food, or else she probably wouldn't eat.
"Okay, I'll do it later."
"No, you'll do it now." She gave me the mom look.
"Fine."
Next thing I know I'm sitting in the same house I was in three nights earlier. I had the wife saltshaker in my pocket I was going to return it, without her even knowing it was gone.
"Oh, thank-you Gregory." She is such a nice old woman, I rather feel bad now. I looked down on the table where the groom peppershaker stood, with out a bride. Poor guy. I sort of stole his wife from him.
I looked up and saw Mrs. Anderson running around the house, checking if every thing was in place. I looked back down at the peppershaker. He should be with his wife. I swept the peppershaker and ran out the front door.
