I'm Lost For Words, chapter 1

"Mom, when is Dad coming back from the doctors? I want to talk to him," ten year old Billie Joe Armstrong asked his mother. He didn't know yet that his father Andy could be very sick. The doctors were testing for cancer of the esophagus.

"Billie darling, your father might be sick, this is more important than what I'm sure you wish to speak to him about," Ollie Artmstrong said to her son. She couldn't find a way to tell her youngest child what the illness might be. She knew how close Billie Joe was to his father, and she knew that if Andy did have cancer, her son would be crushed.

"Mom, I have to talk to him about the guitar. The one I showed him. Mom it's important," Billie said. He'd recently gotten into punk music, an there was a guitar he'd wanted, but his family didn't have the money at the time he showed it to his father. He knew his mother would yell at him now. She'd been acting different for the last month or so, she was always yelling at him to leave his father alone so he could rest. He wondered what could be so wrong with his father. He couldn't be too sick, he was a strong man.

"Billie Joe Armstrong! Your father has better things to do than listen to you bitch about that fucking guitar! We already told you we can't afford it, so give it up!" Ollie screamed. She haden't ment to yell so loud, but her body was weak from nerves. She was afriad, she' been with Andy for so long, and she'd loved him dearly.

"Fine Mother. I'll just live the rest of my life doing nothing but tiptoeing around Dad so that he doesn't die!"Billie yelled back.

"Billie Joe, you better watch your mouth. You're father is sick. You don't even get it."

"What's wrong with dad? I mean, for the last month it's been lets scream at Billie because he's with in a foot of his father. I'm tired of not knowing."

"Well join the fucking club Billie Joe! I don't know either! That's why your father is at the doctors, so we can find out!"

"What about the rest of us mom! You know, David, Holly, Anna, Marcy, Allen, me?! What about us Mom? We deserve to at least know the possibility."

"You Are ten years old. You will find out soon enough. Your brother's and sister's as well."

A few minutes later Andy came into the house. Ollie greeted him at the door with a look of hope. She so wanted him to be alright, but the look on her husband's face told her he wasn't. He looked solem, and distant. His eyes were red rimmed and tears pooled at their bottoms."Ollie, I've got some bad news. The doctors said there's nothing they can do, and I've only got about five months left with you," he said softly.

"You've got c-c-cancer? Why?! Andy they're taking you from me!? You are going to leave me here alone! How dare you do this to me! The kids! All of us! WE need you!" Ollie screamed.

"We have to tell the kids."

"Billie is going to be heart broken. We should have told him before so he'd know what to expect. He's so younge Andy. He wanted to talk to you about that guitar he's been eying. God damn it! Why Andy, Why.?"

"I bought him the guitar. I'll give it to him later on."

"We have to tell them."

The man and woman walked into the living room to find their six children scattered around watching some pointless television program. Their oldest son David, and Billie were pinching each other's legs and arms. Billie looked up and noticed his parents standing in front of them.

"Dad! Tell David to stop hurting me," he cried as David pinched his leg.

"Billie, hush. Your father has something to tell you all," his mother said sternly.

"Okay kids this isn't going to be easy for me to say. I'm very very sick, and I... I don't have much time left with you all," Andy said with a shaky voice. The tears pooled in his eyes again, but he blinked them away.

"Dad, what's wrong with you?" Billie asked, not understanding his father's statement.

"Billie, my boy, I love you so much, don't you ever forget that.'

"Dad, what's wrong? Why are you saying that?" Billie asked, now very worried.

"Son, all of you kids, I don't quite know how to say this to you, but I have cancer in my throat. I only have about five more months, before...." Andy's voice trailed away.

"Daddy No! You can't die!" Anna screamed. She got up from her place on the floor and ran to her room. With that Billie understood what was going on. He closed his eyes with the sting of tears.

"Dad, you're dying?" he asked calmly. Inside he hurt so bad, but he didn't want anybody to see him cry.

"Yes son. But, I love you, don't think I don't," Andy said.

Billie stood up from his seat on the sofa and ran to his room as well, tears streaming down his face.