Memories of my life, love, and the thought of suicide., chapter 2
Same day. 3:00 P.M.
I sat in my chair, waiting for little Jakob to come in. I was only allowed one visitor at a time. He was always so happy to see me, but I will never have the guts to tell him I will never be allowed out unless I escape. A hint of summer air hits me as the door opens. Soon I feel two little arms around me. Jakob is now 10, but is still my baby boy, and he will always be that. I really don't think he knows what happened. He probably think I hurt Mommy and she died. I'm awaken by my little thoughts to a voice.
"Hi Daddy, I miss you so much and want you to come home," Jakob said, a little hopeful.
"Hey bud, how are you?"
"Good! Look, I made you this in art class yesturday cuz we had free time."
I looked down to see a picture. It was stick figures of me, Joey, Jakob, and Adie as an angel in the sky. I tried not to let my tears fall but they slowly did.
"Daddy, I'm sorry I made you cry."
I just reached down and hugged him. "It's ok bud, I love it. Now why don't you go get me your brother."
Then he ran back down the hall, knowing he would see me in two days. I stood there, watching my teenage boy walk down the hall. He's now 13 and more confused than ever. My mother has him in counseling.
"Hey Joey," I say, waiting for a response. He just sits down in the chair, staring at his shoes.
"Hi," he mumbles.
"So how is..." I notice he is crying. I kneel down and try to hug him. He shoves me away.
"Don't bother. I hate you, Dad, you know that I fuckin' hate you! Why would you kill my mom? I loved her, and you killed her. I hate you," he slurred. Then I watched him stand up and walk down the hall.
The guard took me back to my cell. I laid there on the bed, looking at the picture Jakob drew me. I hung it on the wall with some tape. Then I began dusting off the wall that Adie writes on. I took white chalk and wrote...I love you, babe...and waited until she wrote back. Yes, I know I'm talking to a ghost, but she's my babe, and my world...I love you too, you wana talk?..I wrote yes and watched as she appeared. She gave me a kiss with all the passion a ghost could give, and I began to bawl like a baby. Then she disappeared. Me knowing that I would have a story in the morning, walked over to the jail gym to work out.
I sat in my chair, waiting for little Jakob to come in. I was only allowed one visitor at a time. He was always so happy to see me, but I will never have the guts to tell him I will never be allowed out unless I escape. A hint of summer air hits me as the door opens. Soon I feel two little arms around me. Jakob is now 10, but is still my baby boy, and he will always be that. I really don't think he knows what happened. He probably think I hurt Mommy and she died. I'm awaken by my little thoughts to a voice.
"Hi Daddy, I miss you so much and want you to come home," Jakob said, a little hopeful.
"Hey bud, how are you?"
"Good! Look, I made you this in art class yesturday cuz we had free time."
I looked down to see a picture. It was stick figures of me, Joey, Jakob, and Adie as an angel in the sky. I tried not to let my tears fall but they slowly did.
"Daddy, I'm sorry I made you cry."
I just reached down and hugged him. "It's ok bud, I love it. Now why don't you go get me your brother."
Then he ran back down the hall, knowing he would see me in two days. I stood there, watching my teenage boy walk down the hall. He's now 13 and more confused than ever. My mother has him in counseling.
"Hey Joey," I say, waiting for a response. He just sits down in the chair, staring at his shoes.
"Hi," he mumbles.
"So how is..." I notice he is crying. I kneel down and try to hug him. He shoves me away.
"Don't bother. I hate you, Dad, you know that I fuckin' hate you! Why would you kill my mom? I loved her, and you killed her. I hate you," he slurred. Then I watched him stand up and walk down the hall.
The guard took me back to my cell. I laid there on the bed, looking at the picture Jakob drew me. I hung it on the wall with some tape. Then I began dusting off the wall that Adie writes on. I took white chalk and wrote...I love you, babe...and waited until she wrote back. Yes, I know I'm talking to a ghost, but she's my babe, and my world...I love you too, you wana talk?..I wrote yes and watched as she appeared. She gave me a kiss with all the passion a ghost could give, and I began to bawl like a baby. Then she disappeared. Me knowing that I would have a story in the morning, walked over to the jail gym to work out.
