But, Billie Joe! I Do Love You!, chapter 2
Billie Joe's Point Of View.
I got bored, so I decided to write a letter to my secret lover, Santa Clause.
I pulled out a piece of paper and an ink pen and I began to write.
Dear Santa.
It is I, Billie Joe Armstrong, your lover and fuck buddy.
I realize that you're being a dumb bastard and cheating on me with that fat pancake ho Aunt Jamima.
Well, here's a tip; KISS MY ASS YOU STUPID GOAT BASTARD!
My WIFE is way hotter than yours! AND she isn't ugly and graying like yours.
So, Santa, if you really do love me, you'll bring me a box of condoms, a Barbie's Dream House,
A room FULL of pink bunnies, some chocolate, a box of Mountain Dew, a NEW
Les Paul Gibson guitar, not USED you cheap bastard! NEW!
So, anyways. We can put all of this behind us with a simple "I love you" attached to all of this.
Kindest regards you pile of dog shit,
-Billie Joe.
I smiled down at my letter and sprayed it with essence of ol' sweaty Mike, which smells like gym socks....
Then, stuffed it in an envelope. I realized that I didn't have any postage stamps, so I skipped merrily to the post office.
"La, la, la, la, la!" I said gleefully. "Oohhh, a quarter!" I picked it up and continued skipping merrily to the post office.
Once getting there I talked to the lady at the counter. "Yes, I want one mother fucking postage stamp." I said to her.
"Okay, do you want anything else?" she asked. "No. Now, go away, you're too ugly to be in my sight!" I yelled.
I walked off by the blue mail box outside and started licking the stamp. The mother fucker won't stick!
"Come on, you dirty asswipe!" I shouted. A little boy with curly red hair, who was eating a giant lollipop with a little girl
wearing a giant red bow on her head and wearing a pink dress that was doing and looked the same looked up at me
and screamed. "What?! I'm wearing underwear! I promise!" I shouted. They stared at me, wide eyed.
"What?! Do you think my head's gonna spin around backwards or something?!" I screamed.
They shook their heads 'no.' "Well, why are you staring?!" I asked.
The little girl jumped on me. "You're so cute!" she said. I smirked. "Well, thank you. But I have a son who's older than you."
I said honestly. The little girl started crying, suddenly Tre called.
"Billie, I'm planting a security camera in Bitchard's bedroom." he said sternly.
"Why?" I asked. "Because numb nuts are not trust worthy." he said.
"Okay. See you at home." I hung up the phone and got up. The little girl fell on her ass and pouted.
"Can I have a kiss?" she asked. People were looking at me. "Uhm...I'm not a pedophile." I told her.
"BUT I LOVE YOU!" she screamed. "Everyone does! BYE!" I ran away.
Once returning home, I threw the letter in the mailbox and went inside.
"Password?" Tre asked, wearing a turban on his head.
"Masturbation," I said seductively.
"That turned me on," said Tre, winking. We went inside and into the secret control room.
"Billie!" Mike was yelling around the house. "Go out there, dumbass!" Tre said, shoving me out the door.
"Right here, Mike!" I shouted. He came over and smiled. "Hey, buddy! I need you to run to the store for me." he said,
"Do it!" Tre said into my ear. I took the list from Mike. "K, see yah, Mikey." I walked off to the store.
At The Store
I looked at the list...let's see...milk...bananas...condoms...tampons...k!
I got all the stuff that got stumped while looking for the right size.
"Let's see...XS...S...M...L...XL...XXL...hmm...I think bitchard is an extra small!" I picked up the box and went to the check out.
The cashier looked at me funny when she saw the size on the condoms.
"Oh, those aren't for me miss. You see, I'm a whole THREE inches!" I exclaimed. She nodded, freaked out and threw the stuff in a bag and I left.
Suddenly a little slutty poodle named FiFi that likes cabbage in the middle of winter eaten by a midget with a sack on his head that's named Jimmy started chasing me.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I screamed like a girl, running away.
Once getting home I threw the stuff at Mike then went back inside the camera room with Tre.
Jason, Jay and Ronny showed up shortly and Mike was setting the condoms in his room, suddenly a knock came on his door.
Jason, jay and Ronny were eating popcorn and drinking coke, watching.
Suddenly an OLD LADY comes in! They screamed and stuff their faces with more popcorn.
Tre started biting his nails, scared. Mike and the old lady started making out.
Soon they were "fooling around." "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" I screamed like a girl
I got bored, so I decided to write a letter to my secret lover, Santa Clause.
I pulled out a piece of paper and an ink pen and I began to write.
Dear Santa.
It is I, Billie Joe Armstrong, your lover and fuck buddy.
I realize that you're being a dumb bastard and cheating on me with that fat pancake ho Aunt Jamima.
Well, here's a tip; KISS MY ASS YOU STUPID GOAT BASTARD!
My WIFE is way hotter than yours! AND she isn't ugly and graying like yours.
So, Santa, if you really do love me, you'll bring me a box of condoms, a Barbie's Dream House,
A room FULL of pink bunnies, some chocolate, a box of Mountain Dew, a NEW
Les Paul Gibson guitar, not USED you cheap bastard! NEW!
So, anyways. We can put all of this behind us with a simple "I love you" attached to all of this.
Kindest regards you pile of dog shit,
-Billie Joe.
I smiled down at my letter and sprayed it with essence of ol' sweaty Mike, which smells like gym socks....
Then, stuffed it in an envelope. I realized that I didn't have any postage stamps, so I skipped merrily to the post office.
"La, la, la, la, la!" I said gleefully. "Oohhh, a quarter!" I picked it up and continued skipping merrily to the post office.
Once getting there I talked to the lady at the counter. "Yes, I want one mother fucking postage stamp." I said to her.
"Okay, do you want anything else?" she asked. "No. Now, go away, you're too ugly to be in my sight!" I yelled.
I walked off by the blue mail box outside and started licking the stamp. The mother fucker won't stick!
"Come on, you dirty asswipe!" I shouted. A little boy with curly red hair, who was eating a giant lollipop with a little girl
wearing a giant red bow on her head and wearing a pink dress that was doing and looked the same looked up at me
and screamed. "What?! I'm wearing underwear! I promise!" I shouted. They stared at me, wide eyed.
"What?! Do you think my head's gonna spin around backwards or something?!" I screamed.
They shook their heads 'no.' "Well, why are you staring?!" I asked.
The little girl jumped on me. "You're so cute!" she said. I smirked. "Well, thank you. But I have a son who's older than you."
I said honestly. The little girl started crying, suddenly Tre called.
"Billie, I'm planting a security camera in Bitchard's bedroom." he said sternly.
"Why?" I asked. "Because numb nuts are not trust worthy." he said.
"Okay. See you at home." I hung up the phone and got up. The little girl fell on her ass and pouted.
"Can I have a kiss?" she asked. People were looking at me. "Uhm...I'm not a pedophile." I told her.
"BUT I LOVE YOU!" she screamed. "Everyone does! BYE!" I ran away.
Once returning home, I threw the letter in the mailbox and went inside.
"Password?" Tre asked, wearing a turban on his head.
"Masturbation," I said seductively.
"That turned me on," said Tre, winking. We went inside and into the secret control room.
"Billie!" Mike was yelling around the house. "Go out there, dumbass!" Tre said, shoving me out the door.
"Right here, Mike!" I shouted. He came over and smiled. "Hey, buddy! I need you to run to the store for me." he said,
"Do it!" Tre said into my ear. I took the list from Mike. "K, see yah, Mikey." I walked off to the store.
At The Store
I looked at the list...let's see...milk...bananas...condoms...tampons...k!
I got all the stuff that got stumped while looking for the right size.
"Let's see...XS...S...M...L...XL...XXL...hmm...I think bitchard is an extra small!" I picked up the box and went to the check out.
The cashier looked at me funny when she saw the size on the condoms.
"Oh, those aren't for me miss. You see, I'm a whole THREE inches!" I exclaimed. She nodded, freaked out and threw the stuff in a bag and I left.
Suddenly a little slutty poodle named FiFi that likes cabbage in the middle of winter eaten by a midget with a sack on his head that's named Jimmy started chasing me.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I screamed like a girl, running away.
Once getting home I threw the stuff at Mike then went back inside the camera room with Tre.
Jason, Jay and Ronny showed up shortly and Mike was setting the condoms in his room, suddenly a knock came on his door.
Jason, jay and Ronny were eating popcorn and drinking coke, watching.
Suddenly an OLD LADY comes in! They screamed and stuff their faces with more popcorn.
Tre started biting his nails, scared. Mike and the old lady started making out.
Soon they were "fooling around." "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" I screamed like a girl
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