Plaguing Memories, chapter 1
"I only wanted to feel loved for once in my fucking life just once!" She screamed, at her ex best friend. "For once and I was going to be but then you, you couldn't have that could you? You're happy and everything not a single worry. You were my only friend and betrayed me," With that she slapped him and stormed off.
"Grow up! Just grow up, Bee." He'd yelled after her.
I woke up, beads of cold sweat dripped from me, onto the uncomfortable bed sheets below. I glanced slowly around in the dark, my eyes gradually adjusting, as I cast my eyes over each of the four sleeping figures near me. That dream always replayed every time I went to sleep, it had started a few weeks ago I don't know why it had happened years ago. Though it always ended there never playing the end and never starting from the true beginning. All it showed was the argument the long painful argument. He lay here the one who had betrayed her, the one I begged to say something else to her, but nonetheless the one I stood by overall.
It had happened 12 years ago when I was 13 they were both older, well she was just a year older him a few. I remember the last time I saw her two years later she was crying, her usual dull blue eyes were bright from the tears and looked brighter on the red background that usually was white, they glimmered like the sea in the sun. Her black and purple hair blew in her eyes every so often, but she just brushed it out. Her hair was also tangled and soaking wet, as the rain poured from the black and grey sky. It wouldn't have seemed like she was crying if it wasn't for the redness of them. She was on her knees, screaming her heart out, but the screams seemed faint as the wind whipped them away from me. She was screaming for him, for her ex best friend, but he wasn't there, she'd called him but he'd sent me, refusing to ever see her again.
Her clothes stuck to her, ripped and tatty. She'd been kicked out once her parents had found out and she'd been living in a grotty little flat. The thing that had made them kick her out stood beside her, the confused, wet, cold, shivering one and a half year old. She'd thought drinking would solve all the problems she'd had with him, but It had only resulted in the little boy that stood beside her. The screaming stopped a few seconds later and then she produced it the thing that destroyed her the gun. I should have stopped her but I couldn't I just watched her as she raised the gun to her head, closing her eyes, her hands violently shaking. BANG the gun shot went off piercing her in her head, a split second scream escaped her lips as she fell to the floor blood forming around her head, dead she was dead and I had watched her kill herself, the one I stood for and never let down was the one who had driven her to this.
The loud sound had startled the little boy and he had started crying, the sight of his mom dead, pale and covered in blood beside him scared him even more causing him to cry louder. The cries of him pierced my heart, he could still have his mom now, he should still have his mom. He shook his mom a few times, but nothing happened confusing him a lot, the look on his face showed me he didn't understand why his mom wasn't moving or waking up and it also showed he didn't understand what the noise that had just sounded was.
That sight had traumatized me for weeks after and I had refused to talk very rarely eating and it had resulted in me losing a lot of weight and becoming dangerously ill, but in the end I was force fed and regained health. I never found out what happened to the little boy, I never even found out his name, but that image of him shaking his mom was as clear as always in my mind. He looked exactly like Bee as we called her. He had the same blue eyes she had maybe slightly brighter, but they were the exact same shape and size, he had the same chocolate brown hair she had had before she dyed it and it was straight just the same. The perfect image of her in boy.
I closed my eyes but the image just came flooding back to me as always so, I just lay with them open, thinking about everything that had happened since then and everything that happened before. Time slowly passed by and it gradually became lighter and lighter. The curtains didn't do much to stop the light shining through they were thin really, really thin. The ruffle of sheets brought me out of my deep thought, I quickly glanced to the side to see who was waking up, but I couldn't make them out, I was too tired even if the dream came back I couldn't keep awake, I hadn't slept that much last night or the night before, coffee had kept me awake through the day but it couldn't do that anymore, I was growing pale from lack of sleep anyway and I could tell the other four knew something was wrong, they'd asked me so many times before but I just denied anything was wrong and said I was sleeping fine. I slipped into an uneasy sleep in a matter of seconds and began to toss and turn, every few minutes, but it became more frequent as her death played in the dream as clear as it would have been if it had been yesterday. Tears slipped from my closed eyelids as it continued, I wanted to scream but couldn't move my lips.
"Mikey?" Someone was shaking me, I could feel it I wanted to wake up but I couldn't, I wouldn't let myself. "MIKEY!" They screamed over and over again, the thing that finally woke me up was the feeling of ice cold water against my skin.
"WHAT?" I yelled, startled. "I was sleeping what's your problem?" I pushed my soaking wet hair from my eyes the same as I had that night.
"You were crying and shaking, I couldn't let you sleep like that," The voice came again, I hadn't looked at them yet, but I could tell it was Ray.
"I was fine... I was fine, they weren't," I mumbled, my voice shaking as I was.
Ray slipped his arms around me, rocking me gently back and forth as if I was a small child, usually I would object to this but this time it was soothing and calmed me down a lot. I slowly stopped shaking and he let go of me. "Do you want to talk to me about something?"
I shook my head again. "Not really... But thanks anyway."
"Do you want to talk to Gerard?"
I shrugged. "I dunno... I'm not asking you to get him if it's too much trouble."
"It's not. I'll go get him then." With that he left, in search of Gerard.
I lay back down on the soaking wet bed, shivering as the icy water had seeped through my clothes and onto my skin. I lay like that for a few minutes getting colder and colder until I heard the footsteps of someone, then them sit on the edge of my bed. "God Mikey why's the bed wet?"
"Ray," I mumbled, in reply to Gerard.
"Ah, figures. He said you were upset and crying."
"Yeh," I mumbled. "But I'm fine now."
"Mikey what's wrong? Come on you can tell me."
"It's nothing. I was just being stupid."
"Mikey I can tell something's wrong, I'm your brother I know you too well," He lifted me up and hugged me, but I moved away.
"Gerard I'm fine I told you that," I mumbled as I edged away from him.
"Mikey don't lie to me, are you scared of me or something?"
"No... I just don't want to be hugged at the moment that's all."
"I can still tell you're lying now tell me the truth or do I have to force it out of you?"
"Why did you do it Gee?"
"Do what?"
"You know what. I know you do."
"I honestly don't, so tell me."
"Do that to her... You made her kill herself Gee," I was getting angry now and had begun to shake but out of anger not fear and upset."
"Mikey... It wasn't like that honestly. It wasn't like that."
"Then what was it like?"
"Well... Erm... She... She... "
"Grow up! Just grow up, Bee." He'd yelled after her.
I woke up, beads of cold sweat dripped from me, onto the uncomfortable bed sheets below. I glanced slowly around in the dark, my eyes gradually adjusting, as I cast my eyes over each of the four sleeping figures near me. That dream always replayed every time I went to sleep, it had started a few weeks ago I don't know why it had happened years ago. Though it always ended there never playing the end and never starting from the true beginning. All it showed was the argument the long painful argument. He lay here the one who had betrayed her, the one I begged to say something else to her, but nonetheless the one I stood by overall.
It had happened 12 years ago when I was 13 they were both older, well she was just a year older him a few. I remember the last time I saw her two years later she was crying, her usual dull blue eyes were bright from the tears and looked brighter on the red background that usually was white, they glimmered like the sea in the sun. Her black and purple hair blew in her eyes every so often, but she just brushed it out. Her hair was also tangled and soaking wet, as the rain poured from the black and grey sky. It wouldn't have seemed like she was crying if it wasn't for the redness of them. She was on her knees, screaming her heart out, but the screams seemed faint as the wind whipped them away from me. She was screaming for him, for her ex best friend, but he wasn't there, she'd called him but he'd sent me, refusing to ever see her again.
Her clothes stuck to her, ripped and tatty. She'd been kicked out once her parents had found out and she'd been living in a grotty little flat. The thing that had made them kick her out stood beside her, the confused, wet, cold, shivering one and a half year old. She'd thought drinking would solve all the problems she'd had with him, but It had only resulted in the little boy that stood beside her. The screaming stopped a few seconds later and then she produced it the thing that destroyed her the gun. I should have stopped her but I couldn't I just watched her as she raised the gun to her head, closing her eyes, her hands violently shaking. BANG the gun shot went off piercing her in her head, a split second scream escaped her lips as she fell to the floor blood forming around her head, dead she was dead and I had watched her kill herself, the one I stood for and never let down was the one who had driven her to this.
The loud sound had startled the little boy and he had started crying, the sight of his mom dead, pale and covered in blood beside him scared him even more causing him to cry louder. The cries of him pierced my heart, he could still have his mom now, he should still have his mom. He shook his mom a few times, but nothing happened confusing him a lot, the look on his face showed me he didn't understand why his mom wasn't moving or waking up and it also showed he didn't understand what the noise that had just sounded was.
That sight had traumatized me for weeks after and I had refused to talk very rarely eating and it had resulted in me losing a lot of weight and becoming dangerously ill, but in the end I was force fed and regained health. I never found out what happened to the little boy, I never even found out his name, but that image of him shaking his mom was as clear as always in my mind. He looked exactly like Bee as we called her. He had the same blue eyes she had maybe slightly brighter, but they were the exact same shape and size, he had the same chocolate brown hair she had had before she dyed it and it was straight just the same. The perfect image of her in boy.
I closed my eyes but the image just came flooding back to me as always so, I just lay with them open, thinking about everything that had happened since then and everything that happened before. Time slowly passed by and it gradually became lighter and lighter. The curtains didn't do much to stop the light shining through they were thin really, really thin. The ruffle of sheets brought me out of my deep thought, I quickly glanced to the side to see who was waking up, but I couldn't make them out, I was too tired even if the dream came back I couldn't keep awake, I hadn't slept that much last night or the night before, coffee had kept me awake through the day but it couldn't do that anymore, I was growing pale from lack of sleep anyway and I could tell the other four knew something was wrong, they'd asked me so many times before but I just denied anything was wrong and said I was sleeping fine. I slipped into an uneasy sleep in a matter of seconds and began to toss and turn, every few minutes, but it became more frequent as her death played in the dream as clear as it would have been if it had been yesterday. Tears slipped from my closed eyelids as it continued, I wanted to scream but couldn't move my lips.
"Mikey?" Someone was shaking me, I could feel it I wanted to wake up but I couldn't, I wouldn't let myself. "MIKEY!" They screamed over and over again, the thing that finally woke me up was the feeling of ice cold water against my skin.
"WHAT?" I yelled, startled. "I was sleeping what's your problem?" I pushed my soaking wet hair from my eyes the same as I had that night.
"You were crying and shaking, I couldn't let you sleep like that," The voice came again, I hadn't looked at them yet, but I could tell it was Ray.
"I was fine... I was fine, they weren't," I mumbled, my voice shaking as I was.
Ray slipped his arms around me, rocking me gently back and forth as if I was a small child, usually I would object to this but this time it was soothing and calmed me down a lot. I slowly stopped shaking and he let go of me. "Do you want to talk to me about something?"
I shook my head again. "Not really... But thanks anyway."
"Do you want to talk to Gerard?"
I shrugged. "I dunno... I'm not asking you to get him if it's too much trouble."
"It's not. I'll go get him then." With that he left, in search of Gerard.
I lay back down on the soaking wet bed, shivering as the icy water had seeped through my clothes and onto my skin. I lay like that for a few minutes getting colder and colder until I heard the footsteps of someone, then them sit on the edge of my bed. "God Mikey why's the bed wet?"
"Ray," I mumbled, in reply to Gerard.
"Ah, figures. He said you were upset and crying."
"Yeh," I mumbled. "But I'm fine now."
"Mikey what's wrong? Come on you can tell me."
"It's nothing. I was just being stupid."
"Mikey I can tell something's wrong, I'm your brother I know you too well," He lifted me up and hugged me, but I moved away.
"Gerard I'm fine I told you that," I mumbled as I edged away from him.
"Mikey don't lie to me, are you scared of me or something?"
"No... I just don't want to be hugged at the moment that's all."
"I can still tell you're lying now tell me the truth or do I have to force it out of you?"
"Why did you do it Gee?"
"Do what?"
"You know what. I know you do."
"I honestly don't, so tell me."
"Do that to her... You made her kill herself Gee," I was getting angry now and had begun to shake but out of anger not fear and upset."
"Mikey... It wasn't like that honestly. It wasn't like that."
"Then what was it like?"
"Well... Erm... She... She... "
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