Affections, chapter 51
The Affections of Tre Part 8.
So me and Mikey were having dinner over at Billie's, with him and Adie. Claudia said she'd be happy to look after all our kids for a night. It was like a way to jell as a group again, to put right what had been put wrong. It was kinda working, too.
Me and Mike had had an argument before though. He said it would be the perfect time to tell them, and I said it wouldn't, I was still holding out to wait. Maybe if this hadn't happened I wouldn't have told them ever. I would have tried to hide it. Maybe I'm in love with pain, with misery, with the dangerous feeling of it all. Maybe because I have never had a relationship that worked out, that was perfect, I refused to believe that this one could be.
So we weren't our usual cheery chirpy selves, is what I am saying. Not so many laughs as usual. And then when Claudia walked in, with a bottle of vodka in one had and a big fuck off knife in the other, well, the mood didn't improve really, did it?
She looked fucked up man. Really bad. Her eyes were all red and teary, and her makeup had run, and her hair was just like a hedge. She was staggering and couldn't stand up straight. Well, all we could think about to start with was our kids. What the fuck was she doing here, like that, when she was supposed to be looking after them? And then she started talking, crying.
"You all think you're so fucking nice don't you? Sitting here eating your nice meal with your nice friends." she spat towards Adie and Bill. "But you don't know do you? You don't know what they're like. What they are. What I caught them at on the fucking table!" She started laughing hysterically.
I stood up to stop her talking, she'd already said to much, but then she swung the knife at me. She couldn't hold it straight, the point was going in little circles in front of my chest.
"Don't you fucking move Tre. You did this to me. You... You and your stupid fucking boyfriend sitting there and looking so scared cause I might just rearrange your innards."
Mike glared at her. "You bitch" he whispered. "You fucking bitch, you get away from him, right now."
She laughed again, it sounded weird mixed with her crying at the same time. "Oh yeah? And what will you do, huh? I mean, you're such a big tough man aren't you Mike? Huh?"
Billie Joe stood up carefully, slowly. Adie took two small steps towards Claudia. She swirled round and pointed the knife at her instead. I saw Mike breathe out a fraction.
"Woah." said Bill quickly, raising his hands palms outwards. "Ok, lets calm down a second here C. You don't want to hurt anyone."
"Oh but I do... " Claudia replied. "I want to hurt him-" she jabbed the knife at me again "-just as much as he hurt me."
"I didn't hurt you C!" I said quietly. "I didn't do anything to you."
"You stopped loving me!" screamed Claudia, almost dropping the knife. "I never stopped loving you! You meant everything to me...." she broke of, sobbing. "You still do... " she whispered.
"What?" I asked. "What about Jack?" Jack was... Still is I guess... Claudia's guy.
Claudia ignored this, she started talking again, her voice getting stronger, and angrier as she went on.
"I thought that... As long as you were single you would realise that we were meant to be together. You'd come back to me... And I it was ok because you never really fell in love again. But then you did. The way you look at him... You never looked at me that way Tre! Never!"
Billie raised his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"
"Shut up Claudia!" I shouted, desperate to stop her. "Just shut up!"
She grinned maliciously through her tears. "Yeah, you don't want them to know do you? You don't want them to ever find out!"
Mike gritted his teeth. "Not like this" he hissed.
"Find out what?" Adrienne asked, puzzled.
"At your big coming home party... I found them fucking on the table!"
Nobody moved. Nobody said anything. Adrienne blinked, very, very slowly. But Billie just looked at me. It was a look that said 'If it weren't for the fact your ex-wife is standing here with a knife I would be having words with you right now, but as it is I have more important things to deal with'.
Claudia started laughing again. "Yeah... Bit of a shock is it? Well I'm gonna go now... Don't even try and follow me... I'm going to hurt you like you hurt me." She stumbled out, slamming the door behind her. But none of us could move. Then Adie broke the spell.
"The kids... The kids!"
It was then I made my first mistake. I followed Claudia.
So me and Mikey were having dinner over at Billie's, with him and Adie. Claudia said she'd be happy to look after all our kids for a night. It was like a way to jell as a group again, to put right what had been put wrong. It was kinda working, too.
Me and Mike had had an argument before though. He said it would be the perfect time to tell them, and I said it wouldn't, I was still holding out to wait. Maybe if this hadn't happened I wouldn't have told them ever. I would have tried to hide it. Maybe I'm in love with pain, with misery, with the dangerous feeling of it all. Maybe because I have never had a relationship that worked out, that was perfect, I refused to believe that this one could be.
So we weren't our usual cheery chirpy selves, is what I am saying. Not so many laughs as usual. And then when Claudia walked in, with a bottle of vodka in one had and a big fuck off knife in the other, well, the mood didn't improve really, did it?
She looked fucked up man. Really bad. Her eyes were all red and teary, and her makeup had run, and her hair was just like a hedge. She was staggering and couldn't stand up straight. Well, all we could think about to start with was our kids. What the fuck was she doing here, like that, when she was supposed to be looking after them? And then she started talking, crying.
"You all think you're so fucking nice don't you? Sitting here eating your nice meal with your nice friends." she spat towards Adie and Bill. "But you don't know do you? You don't know what they're like. What they are. What I caught them at on the fucking table!" She started laughing hysterically.
I stood up to stop her talking, she'd already said to much, but then she swung the knife at me. She couldn't hold it straight, the point was going in little circles in front of my chest.
"Don't you fucking move Tre. You did this to me. You... You and your stupid fucking boyfriend sitting there and looking so scared cause I might just rearrange your innards."
Mike glared at her. "You bitch" he whispered. "You fucking bitch, you get away from him, right now."
She laughed again, it sounded weird mixed with her crying at the same time. "Oh yeah? And what will you do, huh? I mean, you're such a big tough man aren't you Mike? Huh?"
Billie Joe stood up carefully, slowly. Adie took two small steps towards Claudia. She swirled round and pointed the knife at her instead. I saw Mike breathe out a fraction.
"Woah." said Bill quickly, raising his hands palms outwards. "Ok, lets calm down a second here C. You don't want to hurt anyone."
"Oh but I do... " Claudia replied. "I want to hurt him-" she jabbed the knife at me again "-just as much as he hurt me."
"I didn't hurt you C!" I said quietly. "I didn't do anything to you."
"You stopped loving me!" screamed Claudia, almost dropping the knife. "I never stopped loving you! You meant everything to me...." she broke of, sobbing. "You still do... " she whispered.
"What?" I asked. "What about Jack?" Jack was... Still is I guess... Claudia's guy.
Claudia ignored this, she started talking again, her voice getting stronger, and angrier as she went on.
"I thought that... As long as you were single you would realise that we were meant to be together. You'd come back to me... And I it was ok because you never really fell in love again. But then you did. The way you look at him... You never looked at me that way Tre! Never!"
Billie raised his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"
"Shut up Claudia!" I shouted, desperate to stop her. "Just shut up!"
She grinned maliciously through her tears. "Yeah, you don't want them to know do you? You don't want them to ever find out!"
Mike gritted his teeth. "Not like this" he hissed.
"Find out what?" Adrienne asked, puzzled.
"At your big coming home party... I found them fucking on the table!"
Nobody moved. Nobody said anything. Adrienne blinked, very, very slowly. But Billie just looked at me. It was a look that said 'If it weren't for the fact your ex-wife is standing here with a knife I would be having words with you right now, but as it is I have more important things to deal with'.
Claudia started laughing again. "Yeah... Bit of a shock is it? Well I'm gonna go now... Don't even try and follow me... I'm going to hurt you like you hurt me." She stumbled out, slamming the door behind her. But none of us could move. Then Adie broke the spell.
"The kids... The kids!"
It was then I made my first mistake. I followed Claudia.
