Blame It On Tre, chapter 1
[Tré's p.o.v]
I woke up around half past two in the morning with an urge for toffee yogurts in my butt... err, I mean gut, not butt. My tummy was rumbling for toffee yogurts.
"Its okay tummy, you'll get some toffee yogurts, don't you worry yourself," I told my tummy. I got up and then went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I don't know why it's called a kitchen or a fridge, because those are weird words, like Billie Joe is weird, and Violet, and Jess, and Ri and Mike. Tré isn't weird at all, but everyone else seems to think it is even though it isn't. Or maybe it is? Nah, it can't be, it's really, really cool, and Tré means very in French, or maybe Spanish, so it makes me every cool. Violet once upset me by saying my name should be Tré stupid and I cried for a whole minute and then ate a toffee yogurt. But when I opened the fridge I saw that there was no toffee yogurts left! I decided to ring Safe way up, now they are 24 hours, and ask for them to reserve some toffee yogurts for me, but the person on the phone told me that they had ran out and they wouldn't have any in until next week! Then I screamed...
[Violet's p.o.v]
"NOOOO!" a voice screamed in the apartment. I woke up, unsure whether the scream was a fragment of my very vivid imagination or not. I pinched myself on the arm to see if I was dreaming or not.
"Ouch! That wasn't so clever," I moaned to myself as I rubbed my arm. The scream sounded girly, so it was either Jess, Ri or Tré. The situation could be that Richard Fleeshman has died, there's a spider in the bath again; Tré lets them in and then screams when he sees them in the bath or they'll be no toffee yogurts, or Tré's possibly crawled into Ri's bed or Jess's, mind you if it was Jess's she'd be really happy...
Or perhaps Tré has looked in a mirror.
I got up out of bed and then started to head to the kitchen. After grabbing my dressing gown, I headed to the lounge to see what has happened.
I bumped into Billie Joe, Mike and Ri and Jess. Billie Joe was in his boxers so I was slightly distracted. Even though I've known Billie Joe since I was eleven, he still seems hot without his top and trousers on, yet he's the only one, Tré looks minging and I've never seen Mike so I can't exactly comment on the matter, yet Megan would agree with me.
"Nice body," Ri said about Billie Joe.
"Yeah, shame about the head though," I teased and Billie Joe hit me.
"Oy, I'm gorgeous, and my face is my second best feature," Billie Joe told us.
"What's your first best feature, then?" I asked Billie Joe.
"You don't wanna know," Mike told me.
"Eww, and why have you seen it?" I asked him.
"Well like you I've known him since I was eleven and so have you. You've seen everything as well," Mike added.
"Unfortunately, oh yeah, I remember, vaguely, it's a wiener isn't it?" I asked Mike and he nodded.
"But the one on Billie Joe's head isn't a wiener," Jess said and me and Ri laughed.
"Yeah," Mike replied and Billie Joe hit him.
"It is not a wiener," Billie Joe said.
"Well I'm lucky, I've hardly seen Billie Joe's dick. I've like, seen it, like, once," Ri said.
"I bet you wish you had seen it more," Billie Joe said.
"I highly doubt that," Ri said and Billie Joe hit her.
"You weren't saying that last night," Billie Joe said.
"Shhh, and you still owe me for those services," Ri said.
"Jess, you still owe me too," I said.
"I'll repay you in a special way tonight my bootiful wife," Jess said and Mike laughed.
"Anyway, what do you think the scream was?" Mike asked.
"The scream has gotta be some thing to do with Tré," Ri said I nodded.
"Isn't everything?" Jess said. "That's how brilliant he is!"
"Or maybe he saw how small Billie Joe's dick is and found Billie Joe's dick enlarger?" I suggested and Billie Joe glared at me and didn't bother to comment as I would have a sharp comment to reply with.
Mike opened the kitchen door and Tré was standing in there, with his cell phone in his hand and the fridge was open. We all walked in the room to see what was up.
"What's happened Tré?" I asked him sleepily as I sat up the counter and so did Ri and Jess. Billie Joe stood by Tré and so did Mike, Tré stayed by the fridge. Billie Joe grew bored and tired so he started flexing his muscles to me, Jess and Ri and then he started pouting and blowing kisses at us. He's not gay or anything, but when he's bored or what's to show off he does silly things like that, it's the way his brain is programmed, well that would be if he had one.
"It's terrible!" Tré cried and looked down at the floor, with tears going down his cheeks. Knowing Tré, it'll be something small, yet he'd probably carry on acting the way of his definition of the normal emotion of upset to him over something little.
"What? Has anyone died?" Ri asked sleepily and Mike put his arm around Tré to comfort him even though he woke us yet again.
"Nobody's died, Ri, its Safe Way, they don't have anymore toffee yogurts!" Tré announced and we all glared at him.
In case you don't know or gathered Tré is obsessed with toffee yogurts. It started in the summer when I had bought myself a pack of toffee yogurts from Safe Way. I had got the last one out of the fridge when Tré screamed at me and started wrestling me for the toffee yogurt, which, I ended up eating myself after locking Tré in a cupboard.
"WHAT?" Ri screamed from behind me as she jumped off the counter and faced Tré. Before Megan could say anything else, I, Jess, Billie Joe, and Mike started to scream:
"TRÉ!" we all screamed so loudly that our neighbour, Ned, started banging on the ceiling with his cleaning broom or his wife's broomstick, I'm sure I've seen something flying around the sky at night, but all though that could have been Tré's fairy mates, or people he has paid to hang around with him and shouted "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ned shouted and we ignored at him.
"YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU WOKE US UP BECAUSE OF SOME YOGURTS? WELL, I HOPE YOU AND YOUR YOGURTS ARE HAPPY TOGETHER!" Ri screamed and slapped Tré across the face and then stormed out of the room, leaving me, Jess, Billie Joe and Mike to sort out Tré. Well, Jess wasn't any help she was just staring at Tré with a dazed look on her face of love...
Before we could say anything else to Tré, Ned shouted at us again.
"I SAID SHUT UP!!!" Ned shouted again.
"NO YOU DIDN'T... " Tré began to say and we quickly covered his mouth up to stop him. Tré pulled all our hands off his mouth and shouted again.
"NO YOU DIDN'T, YOU SAID 'SHUT THE FUCK UP'," Tré shouted and Billie Joe hit Tré.
"ARE YOU ARGUING WITH ME?" Ned shouted back.
"I DON'T KNOW, ARE YOU ARGUING WITH ME?" Tré shouted back.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING UP THERE ANYWAY?" Ned asked us.
"SAFE WAY'S RAN OUT OF TOFFEE YOGURTS, ISN'T IT TERRIBLE?" Tré shouted.
"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? ARE YOU MAD?" Ned shouted back.
"YES, HE IS! AND SO IS VIOLET, THEY BOTH HAVE A DISEASE CALLED FRECKLES!" Billie Joe shouted quickly and I, Jess and Mike laughed. Ri came back in the room and stared at me, Jess and Mike who were laughing our heads off at what Billie Joe just shouted.
"What's up with you guys? And why are Tré and Ned arguing?" Ri asked us.
"Because you were shouting at him, the conversations kinda extended into this big mad discussion where Tré's confusing Ned to death, which happens every time Tré talks to anyone, except Jess though. She seems to understand it which is scary," I said and Ri nodded.
"I love this place, I'm gonna go back to bed," Ri said happily at the thought of causing an argument.
"Well you're the only one," Jess told Ri and then Megan left the room after grabbing an apple out of the fruit bowl and throwing another one at Tré.
"GOOD, WE'RE CLEAR ON THAT THEN," Tré shouted, confusing Ned even more. "OW, MY HEAD HURTS!"
"WHAT? I DON'T CARE, I'M GOING TO BED BUT YOU'D BETTER BE QUIET!" Ned shouted and Tré started to cry again, probably because there were no toffee yogurts and Billie Joe had hit him before.
"Thanks Tré, now Ned's gonna be all stress head even more on us because of you," Billie Joe grumbled at Tré.
"You're welcome," Tré said and smiled at Billie Joe.
"Are you going to tell us what happened, Tré?" Mike asked Tré as he patted Tré on the back up cheer him up, also ignoring Billie Joe.
"Well, I woke up in the middle of the night-" Tré began and Billie Joe interrupted him.
"You can say that again, you woke us all up," Billie Joe muttered under his breath and Mike nudged him.
"Let Tré carry on," Mike said to Billie Joe and Billie Joe glared at him.
"Don't worry Billie Joe, the quicker you let Tré explain, the quicker you can get back to your dream about the nuts model," I whispered in Billie Joe's ear and Billie Joe started nodding.
"Yeah... hang on, I don't recall telling you about my dream, I didn't tell you, did I?" Billie Joe asked me and I nodded.
"I only knew that because unfortunately I know what goes on inside your head," I told him.
"Poor you Violet," Tré joked.
"Well you're the only one," Billie Joe told me and I laughed.
"I guess I'm special then," I joked and then realised that Tré had stopped crying and was now glaring at me and Billie Joe for talking, it was literally like being at school but the teacher is stupider than me.
"Look, do you two want to hear my story?" Tré asked us.
"Not really, but I know you're gonna tell us," I muttered under my breath.
"Well, it happened like this, I woke up in the night and realised I was hungry. I then decided to have a toffee yogurt and then made my way to the fridge which is in the kitchen and the toffee yogurts weren't in the fridge so I decided to call Safe Way on my cell phone to order some toffee yogurts, and then they told me that there wasn't any toffee yogurts. And that's when I screamed," Tré told us and started to cry and Mike handed him a strawberry yogurt.
"Here try this, you might like it," Mike said and Tré started to eat the yogurt and then spat it out in disgust.
"It's not the same as toffee yogurt!" Tré moaned and then carried on eating the yogurt.
"Well duh, that's strawberry flavoured not toffee flavoured," Billie Joe muttered under his breath.
"If it's not toffee yogurt why doesn't it taste like toffee yogurt?" Tré asked us.
"Tré, did you eat a toffee yogurt and didn't clean you teeth afterwards?" Mike asked Tré and he nodded.
"Well that settles it, you're tasting an old toffee yogurt," Billie Joe said to Tré and he started to whine.
"It can't be old! It didn't have wrinkles, it didn't use a zimmer frame and it didn't have mould... okay, it did have mould on it but that's what flavours it. I want a toffee yogurt! I want a toffee yogurt now!!!" Tré started to scream.
"Hey, the toffee yogurt sounds like Ned!" Billie Joe joked and we laughed.
"It's okay Tré; you can easily go to Morrison's, Or Tesco, even Aldi. I bet their toffee yogurts are as good as the ones in Safe Way," I said comforting Tré. Tré sniffled and rubbed his nose on his pyjamas and then looked up at me.
"No toffee yogurt company will ever beat Safe Way! Well, apart from Asda," Tré began to cry again until Mike hushed him.
"Well why don't you go to Asda tomorrow? Or see if Safe Way have anymore toffee yogurts left? You never know, there might be one with 'Reserved for Tré Cool' written on it," Mike suggested and Tré nodded.
"Who is Tré Cool?" Tré asked.
"It's you, you doofus," Billie Joe said.
"Oh yeah, forgot, because it's not my real name," Tré told us.
"Yeah, we had gathered," I said.
"What am I going to do about the toffee yogurts?" Tré asked.
"You can buy some new ones," Mike said.
"Yeah, I can, can't I? Billie Joe can I borrow your BMW tomorrow? You know- pick them up in style," Tré asked Billie Joe happily. In my mind I see Billie Joe's car all dinted, with the bonnet smashed in. Billie Joe always offers to drive us around in his BMW to show off because he's got a personal number plate saying, '1972 BJA.' I have a battered old purple VW bug, Ri has a Nissan Micra and Mike drives a green Pinto. Jess drives a three wheeler clown car.
"Why can't you use your bike?" Billie Joe asked Tré.
"All of the bags won't fit on my bicycle. So can I use your car?" Tré told him. Tré drives this really old red bike that has no brakes, yet the rest of us have cars.
There was an uncomfortable silence as Tré looked at Billie Joe for an answer. I racked my brains for an idea to get Billie Joe out of this situation.
"Erm, no can do, I'm borrowing it tomorrow, aren't I, Billie?" Mike said, giving Billie Joe the chance to get out of the situation.
"Yeah, Mike's borrowing it tomorrow; you'll just have to take to bus," Billie Joe said.
"Umm... the bus?" Tré asked us.
"It's a red thing with wheels, you used to sing that song... the wheels on the bus go round and round... don't you remember?" Billie Joe asked Tré and Tré started to clap.
"I love that song! The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round... the wheels on the bus go round and round all day long!" Tré sung out of tune, but thankfully he only sung one verse because Tré cannot sing, yet if he tries to sing out of tune he sings in tune, and he wants to go on American idol even though we've warned him about it, telling him that Simon Cowell will be really nasty to him, but then again, he's used to it because of us.
"Oh go, he's turned into Gareth and Tom combined! Run!" Billie Joe laughed.
"Yeah I know, it's a carrot and tomato cake, and Tré, you know about the buses, you used to go on them all the time," I asked Tré.
"Yeah... I'll go on the bus," Tré said and pulled a nervous face but I ignored it.
"Now, I think its time we go back to bed, don't you Tré?" Mike said and we all nodded.
"Yeah, I'll need the strength to carry all those bags," Tré said and then we all went to our rooms but none of us had a restful night sleep because Tré is up and down going to the loo- When he is happy it has a big effect on his bladder. You probably didn't want to know this but when Tré's sleepy his aim goes all over, mind you so does Mike and Billie Joe's, it seems that all men can't aim into the toilet at night. This then means that I, Jess or Ri has to clean the floor and it's not a nice job at all! Billie Joe, Mike and Tré are too lazy to clean up their own pee so me and Ri, and Jess have to take it in turns, and it's worse when they've all been drinking! One it's stinks and it's then also a huge piss.
I woke up around half past two in the morning with an urge for toffee yogurts in my butt... err, I mean gut, not butt. My tummy was rumbling for toffee yogurts.
"Its okay tummy, you'll get some toffee yogurts, don't you worry yourself," I told my tummy. I got up and then went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I don't know why it's called a kitchen or a fridge, because those are weird words, like Billie Joe is weird, and Violet, and Jess, and Ri and Mike. Tré isn't weird at all, but everyone else seems to think it is even though it isn't. Or maybe it is? Nah, it can't be, it's really, really cool, and Tré means very in French, or maybe Spanish, so it makes me every cool. Violet once upset me by saying my name should be Tré stupid and I cried for a whole minute and then ate a toffee yogurt. But when I opened the fridge I saw that there was no toffee yogurts left! I decided to ring Safe way up, now they are 24 hours, and ask for them to reserve some toffee yogurts for me, but the person on the phone told me that they had ran out and they wouldn't have any in until next week! Then I screamed...
[Violet's p.o.v]
"NOOOO!" a voice screamed in the apartment. I woke up, unsure whether the scream was a fragment of my very vivid imagination or not. I pinched myself on the arm to see if I was dreaming or not.
"Ouch! That wasn't so clever," I moaned to myself as I rubbed my arm. The scream sounded girly, so it was either Jess, Ri or Tré. The situation could be that Richard Fleeshman has died, there's a spider in the bath again; Tré lets them in and then screams when he sees them in the bath or they'll be no toffee yogurts, or Tré's possibly crawled into Ri's bed or Jess's, mind you if it was Jess's she'd be really happy...
Or perhaps Tré has looked in a mirror.
I got up out of bed and then started to head to the kitchen. After grabbing my dressing gown, I headed to the lounge to see what has happened.
I bumped into Billie Joe, Mike and Ri and Jess. Billie Joe was in his boxers so I was slightly distracted. Even though I've known Billie Joe since I was eleven, he still seems hot without his top and trousers on, yet he's the only one, Tré looks minging and I've never seen Mike so I can't exactly comment on the matter, yet Megan would agree with me.
"Nice body," Ri said about Billie Joe.
"Yeah, shame about the head though," I teased and Billie Joe hit me.
"Oy, I'm gorgeous, and my face is my second best feature," Billie Joe told us.
"What's your first best feature, then?" I asked Billie Joe.
"You don't wanna know," Mike told me.
"Eww, and why have you seen it?" I asked him.
"Well like you I've known him since I was eleven and so have you. You've seen everything as well," Mike added.
"Unfortunately, oh yeah, I remember, vaguely, it's a wiener isn't it?" I asked Mike and he nodded.
"But the one on Billie Joe's head isn't a wiener," Jess said and me and Ri laughed.
"Yeah," Mike replied and Billie Joe hit him.
"It is not a wiener," Billie Joe said.
"Well I'm lucky, I've hardly seen Billie Joe's dick. I've like, seen it, like, once," Ri said.
"I bet you wish you had seen it more," Billie Joe said.
"I highly doubt that," Ri said and Billie Joe hit her.
"You weren't saying that last night," Billie Joe said.
"Shhh, and you still owe me for those services," Ri said.
"Jess, you still owe me too," I said.
"I'll repay you in a special way tonight my bootiful wife," Jess said and Mike laughed.
"Anyway, what do you think the scream was?" Mike asked.
"The scream has gotta be some thing to do with Tré," Ri said I nodded.
"Isn't everything?" Jess said. "That's how brilliant he is!"
"Or maybe he saw how small Billie Joe's dick is and found Billie Joe's dick enlarger?" I suggested and Billie Joe glared at me and didn't bother to comment as I would have a sharp comment to reply with.
Mike opened the kitchen door and Tré was standing in there, with his cell phone in his hand and the fridge was open. We all walked in the room to see what was up.
"What's happened Tré?" I asked him sleepily as I sat up the counter and so did Ri and Jess. Billie Joe stood by Tré and so did Mike, Tré stayed by the fridge. Billie Joe grew bored and tired so he started flexing his muscles to me, Jess and Ri and then he started pouting and blowing kisses at us. He's not gay or anything, but when he's bored or what's to show off he does silly things like that, it's the way his brain is programmed, well that would be if he had one.
"It's terrible!" Tré cried and looked down at the floor, with tears going down his cheeks. Knowing Tré, it'll be something small, yet he'd probably carry on acting the way of his definition of the normal emotion of upset to him over something little.
"What? Has anyone died?" Ri asked sleepily and Mike put his arm around Tré to comfort him even though he woke us yet again.
"Nobody's died, Ri, its Safe Way, they don't have anymore toffee yogurts!" Tré announced and we all glared at him.
In case you don't know or gathered Tré is obsessed with toffee yogurts. It started in the summer when I had bought myself a pack of toffee yogurts from Safe Way. I had got the last one out of the fridge when Tré screamed at me and started wrestling me for the toffee yogurt, which, I ended up eating myself after locking Tré in a cupboard.
"WHAT?" Ri screamed from behind me as she jumped off the counter and faced Tré. Before Megan could say anything else, I, Jess, Billie Joe, and Mike started to scream:
"TRÉ!" we all screamed so loudly that our neighbour, Ned, started banging on the ceiling with his cleaning broom or his wife's broomstick, I'm sure I've seen something flying around the sky at night, but all though that could have been Tré's fairy mates, or people he has paid to hang around with him and shouted "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ned shouted and we ignored at him.
"YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU WOKE US UP BECAUSE OF SOME YOGURTS? WELL, I HOPE YOU AND YOUR YOGURTS ARE HAPPY TOGETHER!" Ri screamed and slapped Tré across the face and then stormed out of the room, leaving me, Jess, Billie Joe and Mike to sort out Tré. Well, Jess wasn't any help she was just staring at Tré with a dazed look on her face of love...
Before we could say anything else to Tré, Ned shouted at us again.
"I SAID SHUT UP!!!" Ned shouted again.
"NO YOU DIDN'T... " Tré began to say and we quickly covered his mouth up to stop him. Tré pulled all our hands off his mouth and shouted again.
"NO YOU DIDN'T, YOU SAID 'SHUT THE FUCK UP'," Tré shouted and Billie Joe hit Tré.
"ARE YOU ARGUING WITH ME?" Ned shouted back.
"I DON'T KNOW, ARE YOU ARGUING WITH ME?" Tré shouted back.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING UP THERE ANYWAY?" Ned asked us.
"SAFE WAY'S RAN OUT OF TOFFEE YOGURTS, ISN'T IT TERRIBLE?" Tré shouted.
"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? ARE YOU MAD?" Ned shouted back.
"YES, HE IS! AND SO IS VIOLET, THEY BOTH HAVE A DISEASE CALLED FRECKLES!" Billie Joe shouted quickly and I, Jess and Mike laughed. Ri came back in the room and stared at me, Jess and Mike who were laughing our heads off at what Billie Joe just shouted.
"What's up with you guys? And why are Tré and Ned arguing?" Ri asked us.
"Because you were shouting at him, the conversations kinda extended into this big mad discussion where Tré's confusing Ned to death, which happens every time Tré talks to anyone, except Jess though. She seems to understand it which is scary," I said and Ri nodded.
"I love this place, I'm gonna go back to bed," Ri said happily at the thought of causing an argument.
"Well you're the only one," Jess told Ri and then Megan left the room after grabbing an apple out of the fruit bowl and throwing another one at Tré.
"GOOD, WE'RE CLEAR ON THAT THEN," Tré shouted, confusing Ned even more. "OW, MY HEAD HURTS!"
"WHAT? I DON'T CARE, I'M GOING TO BED BUT YOU'D BETTER BE QUIET!" Ned shouted and Tré started to cry again, probably because there were no toffee yogurts and Billie Joe had hit him before.
"Thanks Tré, now Ned's gonna be all stress head even more on us because of you," Billie Joe grumbled at Tré.
"You're welcome," Tré said and smiled at Billie Joe.
"Are you going to tell us what happened, Tré?" Mike asked Tré as he patted Tré on the back up cheer him up, also ignoring Billie Joe.
"Well, I woke up in the middle of the night-" Tré began and Billie Joe interrupted him.
"You can say that again, you woke us all up," Billie Joe muttered under his breath and Mike nudged him.
"Let Tré carry on," Mike said to Billie Joe and Billie Joe glared at him.
"Don't worry Billie Joe, the quicker you let Tré explain, the quicker you can get back to your dream about the nuts model," I whispered in Billie Joe's ear and Billie Joe started nodding.
"Yeah... hang on, I don't recall telling you about my dream, I didn't tell you, did I?" Billie Joe asked me and I nodded.
"I only knew that because unfortunately I know what goes on inside your head," I told him.
"Poor you Violet," Tré joked.
"Well you're the only one," Billie Joe told me and I laughed.
"I guess I'm special then," I joked and then realised that Tré had stopped crying and was now glaring at me and Billie Joe for talking, it was literally like being at school but the teacher is stupider than me.
"Look, do you two want to hear my story?" Tré asked us.
"Not really, but I know you're gonna tell us," I muttered under my breath.
"Well, it happened like this, I woke up in the night and realised I was hungry. I then decided to have a toffee yogurt and then made my way to the fridge which is in the kitchen and the toffee yogurts weren't in the fridge so I decided to call Safe Way on my cell phone to order some toffee yogurts, and then they told me that there wasn't any toffee yogurts. And that's when I screamed," Tré told us and started to cry and Mike handed him a strawberry yogurt.
"Here try this, you might like it," Mike said and Tré started to eat the yogurt and then spat it out in disgust.
"It's not the same as toffee yogurt!" Tré moaned and then carried on eating the yogurt.
"Well duh, that's strawberry flavoured not toffee flavoured," Billie Joe muttered under his breath.
"If it's not toffee yogurt why doesn't it taste like toffee yogurt?" Tré asked us.
"Tré, did you eat a toffee yogurt and didn't clean you teeth afterwards?" Mike asked Tré and he nodded.
"Well that settles it, you're tasting an old toffee yogurt," Billie Joe said to Tré and he started to whine.
"It can't be old! It didn't have wrinkles, it didn't use a zimmer frame and it didn't have mould... okay, it did have mould on it but that's what flavours it. I want a toffee yogurt! I want a toffee yogurt now!!!" Tré started to scream.
"Hey, the toffee yogurt sounds like Ned!" Billie Joe joked and we laughed.
"It's okay Tré; you can easily go to Morrison's, Or Tesco, even Aldi. I bet their toffee yogurts are as good as the ones in Safe Way," I said comforting Tré. Tré sniffled and rubbed his nose on his pyjamas and then looked up at me.
"No toffee yogurt company will ever beat Safe Way! Well, apart from Asda," Tré began to cry again until Mike hushed him.
"Well why don't you go to Asda tomorrow? Or see if Safe Way have anymore toffee yogurts left? You never know, there might be one with 'Reserved for Tré Cool' written on it," Mike suggested and Tré nodded.
"Who is Tré Cool?" Tré asked.
"It's you, you doofus," Billie Joe said.
"Oh yeah, forgot, because it's not my real name," Tré told us.
"Yeah, we had gathered," I said.
"What am I going to do about the toffee yogurts?" Tré asked.
"You can buy some new ones," Mike said.
"Yeah, I can, can't I? Billie Joe can I borrow your BMW tomorrow? You know- pick them up in style," Tré asked Billie Joe happily. In my mind I see Billie Joe's car all dinted, with the bonnet smashed in. Billie Joe always offers to drive us around in his BMW to show off because he's got a personal number plate saying, '1972 BJA.' I have a battered old purple VW bug, Ri has a Nissan Micra and Mike drives a green Pinto. Jess drives a three wheeler clown car.
"Why can't you use your bike?" Billie Joe asked Tré.
"All of the bags won't fit on my bicycle. So can I use your car?" Tré told him. Tré drives this really old red bike that has no brakes, yet the rest of us have cars.
There was an uncomfortable silence as Tré looked at Billie Joe for an answer. I racked my brains for an idea to get Billie Joe out of this situation.
"Erm, no can do, I'm borrowing it tomorrow, aren't I, Billie?" Mike said, giving Billie Joe the chance to get out of the situation.
"Yeah, Mike's borrowing it tomorrow; you'll just have to take to bus," Billie Joe said.
"Umm... the bus?" Tré asked us.
"It's a red thing with wheels, you used to sing that song... the wheels on the bus go round and round... don't you remember?" Billie Joe asked Tré and Tré started to clap.
"I love that song! The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round... the wheels on the bus go round and round all day long!" Tré sung out of tune, but thankfully he only sung one verse because Tré cannot sing, yet if he tries to sing out of tune he sings in tune, and he wants to go on American idol even though we've warned him about it, telling him that Simon Cowell will be really nasty to him, but then again, he's used to it because of us.
"Oh go, he's turned into Gareth and Tom combined! Run!" Billie Joe laughed.
"Yeah I know, it's a carrot and tomato cake, and Tré, you know about the buses, you used to go on them all the time," I asked Tré.
"Yeah... I'll go on the bus," Tré said and pulled a nervous face but I ignored it.
"Now, I think its time we go back to bed, don't you Tré?" Mike said and we all nodded.
"Yeah, I'll need the strength to carry all those bags," Tré said and then we all went to our rooms but none of us had a restful night sleep because Tré is up and down going to the loo- When he is happy it has a big effect on his bladder. You probably didn't want to know this but when Tré's sleepy his aim goes all over, mind you so does Mike and Billie Joe's, it seems that all men can't aim into the toilet at night. This then means that I, Jess or Ri has to clean the floor and it's not a nice job at all! Billie Joe, Mike and Tré are too lazy to clean up their own pee so me and Ri, and Jess have to take it in turns, and it's worse when they've all been drinking! One it's stinks and it's then also a huge piss.
