Me, Mike, and Amnesia, chapter 13
Okay, so Mike loved me. Loved me? How was this possible? I couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't rushing into this whole thing. I mean, he had really only known me, for what, a month? I guess that's how long he'd had amnesia. So what was I supposed to do? Did I like him back? I was pretty sure I didn't. I couldn't. He was Mike, my best friend. I thought really, really hard, and knew that I didn't. But then why had I kissed him? I had been caught up in the moment, hadn't I? It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. But now I knew it had been the worst thing I possibly could have done. Oh, shit. What was I supposed to do now?
My brain was running around in circles when I heard the door open, and Tre and Billie Joe's voices. I pressed my ear to the door to listen.
"... The worst possible day." Billie Joe was saying. "Hey, Mike."
"Hi." I could hear the smile in Mike's voice.
"Hey, what's up with you?" Tre asked excitedly. "Oh my God, I know."
"What?" Mike sounded worried.
"Holy shit, Billie! Mike got some!"
"Some what?" Billie Joe asked distractedly. I heard the flipping of pages, and knew that he was looking through the phone book for the billionth time, trying to find another amnesia specialist.
Tre laughed. "Okay, who was it?" Mike didn't say anything. I waited nervously. I knew that this could lead to nothing but more arguing.
"C'mon, Mike. Tell me."
"It's none of your business, Tre!" Mike exploded. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, how you can just go around making assumptions about my life!" He muttered something else that sounded like "fuck you, leave me alone" then I heard the front door open and shut.
"Tre... " Billie Joe said angrily, and I heard him follow Mike outside.
I took this as my chance to talk to someone about what had happened with Mike, even though I knew Tre would be in a bad mood. I walked into the kitchen to find Tre sitting at the table, his head in his hand, staring out the window.
"Hey, Tre," I said nervously.
He turned and smiled at me. "Hey, Violet. What's up?" I shrugged, sighed, and sat next to him.
"Something wrong?" he asked worriedly.
I nodded and sighed again. I rested my forehead on the table.
"Well, what is it?" he asked impatiently.
"Um...." I really didn't know how to tell him.
"Come on, Violet. It's just me. You know you can tell me anything."
Tre was being so nice, I almost couldn't tell him. But I knew I had to, so I mumbled, "I kissed Mike."
"Violet, who are you talking to, me or the table? Say it again."
I turned my head slightly. "I kissed Mike," I repeated.
"WHAT?!" Tre stood up so fast, his chair fell over. I had been expecting a reaction, but this was a little much. All I could do was nod, a little afraid.
"What the fuck, Violet?! What the hell did he say to you.... Do to you...." His face was getting red, and he got angrier by the second.
"Tre, calm down. You're scaring me." I stood up slowly.
He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I just... What did he say to you?"
"Nothing. He just told me he loved me, and... "
"WHAT?!" he shouted again. Then he started muttering to himself. "This whole amnesia thing doesn't give him the right... How the hell could he... Gonna fuck him up... "
"Tre! What the hell are you doing?" My face was screwed up in fear.
"Violet, I'm just trying to protect you. When Mike gets back, we're going to have nice little chat, and... "
"Stop it!" I screeched. "Just stop it! I came to you to talk, not to make you want to fucking kill Mike. How the hell does this involve you so much anyway?!"
"I'm just trying to help you, Violet. He had no right to speak to you like that... "
"Well, maybe he did. At least he was being kind to me. I have no idea what the hell's gotten into you!"
"I'm just trying to help! I'm trying to do what's best for you!"
"How do you know what's best for me?! Why do you fucking care so much?!"
"Why do I care?! Why do I care?! Do you know why?!" He stopped yelling just long enough to look at me. "Because I love you, Violet!"
Everything was silent then. We both stood there, breathing hard from screaming at each other. I let Tre's words fall over us, until they seemed to fill the whole room, suffocating us.
"What?" I said quietly. I couldn't think of anything else to say. This was all too much, too soon. First Mike, and now this was happening. How could this be happening?
Tre didn't look at me when he spoke. "I love you," he repeated. "I think I always have, I just never noticed it, until that day we... Kissed. And now... I can't imagine my life without you, and...." He looked at me expectantly, and oh God, I knew what he wanted me to say, but I couldn't. I tried, I really did, I looked deep inside myself for some hidden love for Tre Cool, but it wasn't there, and I knew it never would be.
"I'm sorry, Tre," I whispered.
He nodded, as if he understood, but I knew that nothing could be further from the truth. He seemed to be too overcome with emotion, and walked quickly into the bathroom and slammed the door. I waited a moment, then walked over to the door and listened. I heard the muffled sounds of Tre crying, and it ripped my heart in half to hear, knowing that I had caused it. I wanted to talk to him, to comfort him, but I knew that there was no cure for a broken heart, and I was probably the last person he wanted to see right then.
I returned to the kitchen table, where I sat and rested my head on my arms. My body shook with sobs. How could this all be happening to me? I guess I had always wanted this: a good-looking guy to confess his undying love for me, but not two in one day, and certainly not two of my best friends. And now Mike thought I loved him back, and Tre knew that I didn't. How was I going to tell Mike? How was I going to face Tre? I cried and cried until I heard the front door open. I turned and felt relief wash over me as Billie Joe walked in. For a second I irrationally thought he was going to tell me he loved me too, but I felt stupid for thinking it.
Billie Joe looked worried when he saw me crying. "Violet, what's wrong? What is it?"
I sniffled. "It's just... Mike... And then Tre... And... Amnesia, and they told me... And... I can't... And I kissed him too.... And I don't know...." I muttered insensible things in between sobs.
Billie Joe gently took hold of my shoulders. "Violet, you're going to have to calm down, stop crying, and tell me what happened."
I wiped my eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Okay. Did Mike tell you?"
He shook his head. "He wouldn't tell me, but he seemed really upset at Tre, and really happy about something else. He was so freaked out he told me to leave him at the park 'to think. '"
"Yeah, well, about that." I paused. "Um... Mike sort of told me... That he loved me, and then... " The words started pouring out. "And I kissed him... I didn't know what I was doing, and now I feel so stupid, because he must think that I like him back, but I don't, just as a friend, and I don't know how to tell him, because he's so happy, and before he was so unhappy, but I can't keep letting him believe that... "
Billie Joe shushed me. "Okay, so Mike told you he loved you. And you kissed him. Is that it?"
I shook my head, sniffled, and chuckled dryly. "No, there's so much more. And then I came out of my room after you and Mike left, and Tre was here. And I wanted to talk to him, so I told him about Mike, and he started getting so mad, and yelling, so I asked him why he cared so much, and he told me he loved me too, and I told him that I didn't, so now he's in the bathroom crying, and I don't know what to do, I just feel so bad...."
Billie Joe wrapped his arms around my shoulders and smiled. "You really need to learn how to speak in more than one sentence."
"Oh, I'm so glad you can joke at a time like this," I muttered. "So none of this is surprising to you?"
"I guess not. I think the Mike thing is normal, I mean, he feels like he's just getting to know you, and you've been the one who was always here for him, and you're not bad looking either, so naturally he'd fall for you. And I've always known about Tre, he... "
"What?" I interrupted him. "Excuse me? He told you?"
"Yeah." He shrugged. "A long time ago."
I was kind of hurt. "But he never told me."
"No, Violet. He was so scared. He knew that you wouldn't return his feelings, and he was right. He just didn't want to be hurt." More tears leaked out as I realized how much pain Tre must have been in. Over me, of all people. And as I thought about Tre, I realized how much it made sense. How he'd gone on dates, but he'd always found a reason to dump the girl, something stupid like she called too much or her laugh was too annoying. And I thought about that day at the park, how he'd looked like he'd wanted to tell me something, and Karisa's party, and how he'd so blatantly rejected that girl, and how he'd comforted me after I found out Richard cheated on me, and how he'd almost kissed me afterward. Mostly I thought about that song that I'd found, the one he had written... About me, apparently.
I rubbed at my eyes. "Billie, what am I going to do?"
"You know you have to tell Mike, don't you?" he said. I nodded reluctantly. He was right, of course. Mike couldn't keep believing something that wasn't true. "And there's nothing you can really do about Tre." Billie Joe continued. I knew he was right again. It wasn't my fault I didn't love him. "Other than that, you just have to let things settle for a while. Things will get back to normal, I promise. Until then... " he hugged me. "I'll be here for you."
I sighed. "You're the best friend ever, Billie Joe, you know that?"
He grinned smugly. "Of course. And the best part is, I'd never want to date you. Gross." He stuck out his tongue.
I made a face. "Gee, thanks."
Billie Joe stood up. "Anyway, I'm really sorry, but I gotta go. I promised Adrienne I'd take her out."
"Oh, great," I said sarcastically. "Go have your happy, perfect relationship. I'll be here wallowing in my sorrow when you get back."
Billie Joe looked hurt. "Okay, I know you're having some problems, but you don't have to take it out on me. See you later, Violet." He stomped to the front door and slammed it behind him.
The tears started again. I felt so bad for being rude to Billie Joe, after he'd just been so nice to me. What the hell was wrong with me? I made a futile attempt to stop crying. Before long, I heard the door open and turned to see Mike standing there. My heart sank. I knew what I had to do.
My brain was running around in circles when I heard the door open, and Tre and Billie Joe's voices. I pressed my ear to the door to listen.
"... The worst possible day." Billie Joe was saying. "Hey, Mike."
"Hi." I could hear the smile in Mike's voice.
"Hey, what's up with you?" Tre asked excitedly. "Oh my God, I know."
"What?" Mike sounded worried.
"Holy shit, Billie! Mike got some!"
"Some what?" Billie Joe asked distractedly. I heard the flipping of pages, and knew that he was looking through the phone book for the billionth time, trying to find another amnesia specialist.
Tre laughed. "Okay, who was it?" Mike didn't say anything. I waited nervously. I knew that this could lead to nothing but more arguing.
"C'mon, Mike. Tell me."
"It's none of your business, Tre!" Mike exploded. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, how you can just go around making assumptions about my life!" He muttered something else that sounded like "fuck you, leave me alone" then I heard the front door open and shut.
"Tre... " Billie Joe said angrily, and I heard him follow Mike outside.
I took this as my chance to talk to someone about what had happened with Mike, even though I knew Tre would be in a bad mood. I walked into the kitchen to find Tre sitting at the table, his head in his hand, staring out the window.
"Hey, Tre," I said nervously.
He turned and smiled at me. "Hey, Violet. What's up?" I shrugged, sighed, and sat next to him.
"Something wrong?" he asked worriedly.
I nodded and sighed again. I rested my forehead on the table.
"Well, what is it?" he asked impatiently.
"Um...." I really didn't know how to tell him.
"Come on, Violet. It's just me. You know you can tell me anything."
Tre was being so nice, I almost couldn't tell him. But I knew I had to, so I mumbled, "I kissed Mike."
"Violet, who are you talking to, me or the table? Say it again."
I turned my head slightly. "I kissed Mike," I repeated.
"WHAT?!" Tre stood up so fast, his chair fell over. I had been expecting a reaction, but this was a little much. All I could do was nod, a little afraid.
"What the fuck, Violet?! What the hell did he say to you.... Do to you...." His face was getting red, and he got angrier by the second.
"Tre, calm down. You're scaring me." I stood up slowly.
He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I just... What did he say to you?"
"Nothing. He just told me he loved me, and... "
"WHAT?!" he shouted again. Then he started muttering to himself. "This whole amnesia thing doesn't give him the right... How the hell could he... Gonna fuck him up... "
"Tre! What the hell are you doing?" My face was screwed up in fear.
"Violet, I'm just trying to protect you. When Mike gets back, we're going to have nice little chat, and... "
"Stop it!" I screeched. "Just stop it! I came to you to talk, not to make you want to fucking kill Mike. How the hell does this involve you so much anyway?!"
"I'm just trying to help you, Violet. He had no right to speak to you like that... "
"Well, maybe he did. At least he was being kind to me. I have no idea what the hell's gotten into you!"
"I'm just trying to help! I'm trying to do what's best for you!"
"How do you know what's best for me?! Why do you fucking care so much?!"
"Why do I care?! Why do I care?! Do you know why?!" He stopped yelling just long enough to look at me. "Because I love you, Violet!"
Everything was silent then. We both stood there, breathing hard from screaming at each other. I let Tre's words fall over us, until they seemed to fill the whole room, suffocating us.
"What?" I said quietly. I couldn't think of anything else to say. This was all too much, too soon. First Mike, and now this was happening. How could this be happening?
Tre didn't look at me when he spoke. "I love you," he repeated. "I think I always have, I just never noticed it, until that day we... Kissed. And now... I can't imagine my life without you, and...." He looked at me expectantly, and oh God, I knew what he wanted me to say, but I couldn't. I tried, I really did, I looked deep inside myself for some hidden love for Tre Cool, but it wasn't there, and I knew it never would be.
"I'm sorry, Tre," I whispered.
He nodded, as if he understood, but I knew that nothing could be further from the truth. He seemed to be too overcome with emotion, and walked quickly into the bathroom and slammed the door. I waited a moment, then walked over to the door and listened. I heard the muffled sounds of Tre crying, and it ripped my heart in half to hear, knowing that I had caused it. I wanted to talk to him, to comfort him, but I knew that there was no cure for a broken heart, and I was probably the last person he wanted to see right then.
I returned to the kitchen table, where I sat and rested my head on my arms. My body shook with sobs. How could this all be happening to me? I guess I had always wanted this: a good-looking guy to confess his undying love for me, but not two in one day, and certainly not two of my best friends. And now Mike thought I loved him back, and Tre knew that I didn't. How was I going to tell Mike? How was I going to face Tre? I cried and cried until I heard the front door open. I turned and felt relief wash over me as Billie Joe walked in. For a second I irrationally thought he was going to tell me he loved me too, but I felt stupid for thinking it.
Billie Joe looked worried when he saw me crying. "Violet, what's wrong? What is it?"
I sniffled. "It's just... Mike... And then Tre... And... Amnesia, and they told me... And... I can't... And I kissed him too.... And I don't know...." I muttered insensible things in between sobs.
Billie Joe gently took hold of my shoulders. "Violet, you're going to have to calm down, stop crying, and tell me what happened."
I wiped my eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Okay. Did Mike tell you?"
He shook his head. "He wouldn't tell me, but he seemed really upset at Tre, and really happy about something else. He was so freaked out he told me to leave him at the park 'to think. '"
"Yeah, well, about that." I paused. "Um... Mike sort of told me... That he loved me, and then... " The words started pouring out. "And I kissed him... I didn't know what I was doing, and now I feel so stupid, because he must think that I like him back, but I don't, just as a friend, and I don't know how to tell him, because he's so happy, and before he was so unhappy, but I can't keep letting him believe that... "
Billie Joe shushed me. "Okay, so Mike told you he loved you. And you kissed him. Is that it?"
I shook my head, sniffled, and chuckled dryly. "No, there's so much more. And then I came out of my room after you and Mike left, and Tre was here. And I wanted to talk to him, so I told him about Mike, and he started getting so mad, and yelling, so I asked him why he cared so much, and he told me he loved me too, and I told him that I didn't, so now he's in the bathroom crying, and I don't know what to do, I just feel so bad...."
Billie Joe wrapped his arms around my shoulders and smiled. "You really need to learn how to speak in more than one sentence."
"Oh, I'm so glad you can joke at a time like this," I muttered. "So none of this is surprising to you?"
"I guess not. I think the Mike thing is normal, I mean, he feels like he's just getting to know you, and you've been the one who was always here for him, and you're not bad looking either, so naturally he'd fall for you. And I've always known about Tre, he... "
"What?" I interrupted him. "Excuse me? He told you?"
"Yeah." He shrugged. "A long time ago."
I was kind of hurt. "But he never told me."
"No, Violet. He was so scared. He knew that you wouldn't return his feelings, and he was right. He just didn't want to be hurt." More tears leaked out as I realized how much pain Tre must have been in. Over me, of all people. And as I thought about Tre, I realized how much it made sense. How he'd gone on dates, but he'd always found a reason to dump the girl, something stupid like she called too much or her laugh was too annoying. And I thought about that day at the park, how he'd looked like he'd wanted to tell me something, and Karisa's party, and how he'd so blatantly rejected that girl, and how he'd comforted me after I found out Richard cheated on me, and how he'd almost kissed me afterward. Mostly I thought about that song that I'd found, the one he had written... About me, apparently.
I rubbed at my eyes. "Billie, what am I going to do?"
"You know you have to tell Mike, don't you?" he said. I nodded reluctantly. He was right, of course. Mike couldn't keep believing something that wasn't true. "And there's nothing you can really do about Tre." Billie Joe continued. I knew he was right again. It wasn't my fault I didn't love him. "Other than that, you just have to let things settle for a while. Things will get back to normal, I promise. Until then... " he hugged me. "I'll be here for you."
I sighed. "You're the best friend ever, Billie Joe, you know that?"
He grinned smugly. "Of course. And the best part is, I'd never want to date you. Gross." He stuck out his tongue.
I made a face. "Gee, thanks."
Billie Joe stood up. "Anyway, I'm really sorry, but I gotta go. I promised Adrienne I'd take her out."
"Oh, great," I said sarcastically. "Go have your happy, perfect relationship. I'll be here wallowing in my sorrow when you get back."
Billie Joe looked hurt. "Okay, I know you're having some problems, but you don't have to take it out on me. See you later, Violet." He stomped to the front door and slammed it behind him.
The tears started again. I felt so bad for being rude to Billie Joe, after he'd just been so nice to me. What the hell was wrong with me? I made a futile attempt to stop crying. Before long, I heard the door open and turned to see Mike standing there. My heart sank. I knew what I had to do.
