Asleep, chapter 1

This was the first time he did something not to receive attention.
He did it secretly, so that noone would notice.
And for that fact alone he knew it wasn't right.
He knew he wasn't alright.

It all had started out with the headaches he used to have every night.
He hadn't been able to sleep for nearly a month when he first had started to take aspirin to get rid of the headache.
And after a few weeks he still took it.
But then before the headache even appeared.

That was about the time when he got headaches, not only at night, but also in school, and he used to take stronger pills with him.

He knew this was a wrong thing to do.
In his head he fought with himself.
Could he stop it if he wanted to or was he already addicted to these pills,
that seemed to make his head lighter?

He never came to a solution, but he didn't want to try.

Just sometimes, like that night, when he lay in bed, and he felt his body tighten under a stabbing pain that was increasing in his stomach,
and he couldn't move for minutes because of the growing pain it sent,
and he felt like this was killing him slowly but surely,
he thought about quitting it.

But as soon as the pain eased and he was able to sit straight up again,
he popped another pill, drinking a glass of water,
while he still was thinking about quitting.

When he was coming down to earth with a bump, because someone on the street was yelling at a neighbor,
he realized the glass was in his hand.
He had done it again. While thinking about stopping it.

He swallowed in disbelief, but still lay down on his bed and closed his eyes.

He didn't want to think about it anymore.
And there was noone he could talk to about it, because noone knew.
And he didn't want anyone to know.
It would only make people worried and helpful.
But he didn't want their help and fewest of all their sympathy.

Billie huddled up in his bed, the blanket wrapped tight around him.
He sighed in his sleep.