Asleep, chapter 36
Billie wasn't sure why he was crying.
Maybe because it all seemed so sad.
The whole ceremony thing.
A teacher had died the night before.
A heart attack, people were saying,
and now they made this huge sad ceremony for him,
with pupils singing and colleagues making heart - melting speaches.
Mike had been crying all the time since he had got the news.
He and this teacher had gotten on great
and they had been kind of close,
even if that guy had been a teacher.
Some seniors had just ended their touching speach,
using phrases like
"He wasn't only my teacher in school,
He was my teacher for life."
all the people that were supposed to sing got up,
a hankie in their hands and tears in their eyes,
cursing the choir leader silently for letting them sing now,
that they were in this state.
Billie was supposed to sing, too.
It was a beautiful, but very sad song.
Hallelujah.
Billie started when the lyrics set in,
his lips forming the words.
But suddenly he had to stop.
He didn't know why
but the tears had suddenly taken over,
not allowing him to sing any further.
He pressed his hand against his mouth to stop himself from crying too hard,
and tried to stop himself from shaking.
He obviously couldn't hide it too well,
for the mate who stood next to him patted his back for a second,
which was supposed to calm him down,
but effectuated the contrary only.
Billie couldn't say why this touched him so much.
He hadn't known the teacher too well,
he hadn't thought about anything sad while he had sung,
and this all hadn't affected at all him so far.
He sobbed quietly into the hankie the mate had handed him,
and wiped the tears from his face.
There was this bad feeling inside of him,
that just wouldn't let go.
It hadn't been there for too long now.
But it held onto Billie's heart like an icy hand.
He felt a hand on his shoulder,
coming from behind.
When he tried to look back he couldn't.
Something inside him blocked his neck.
But the hand's owner didn't seem to mind.
The hand cupped Billie's cheek softly and wiped a new tear away.
As if that was absolutely normal.
It was too dark for Billie to see the hand clearly
and right now he didn't really care to whom it belonged.
It felt so good to be taken care of.
The hand stroked his cheek one last time before leaving him
and Billie gave a small whine inside.
When the lights went back on he turned around to see who was standing behind him.
But the only person in that row he knew was a boy from his biology class.
Billie's eyes searched the room for someone else he knew,
but there was noone else.
He shook his head unbelievingly.
Was he totally insane now?
Did he turn out to be a paranoid freak?
He already suffered from the uncontrollable shaking of his left hand,
which occured much more often these days.
But feeling a hand on his back when there really wasn't one?
He followed the others outside,
drowned in thoughts and not paying attention to anything,
when he ran over a junior kid.
"Oh, I'm so-.."
"Watch your damn way!" the small kid yelled angrily.
It was strange.
Kids seemed to have less and less respect for older people.
As Billie stood there,
his heart suddenly began to speed up and his pulse began to rush.
He gasped for air when he fell onto his knees,
his hand pressed against his heart.
It hurt so much he tought he was about to die right there.
It felt like knifes got stuck into it,
a mischiveous laugh in the background.
He shut his eyes so tightly he got dizzy enough to pass out,
when someone pulled him up.
"Are you okay, Bill?"
"Yeah, I'm.. I.. yeah.."
The pain slowely faded and Billie managed to open his eyes.
"...I..." he started.
But there was noone to talk to.
The hall was all empty,
everyone had gone to their classes.
Billie shivered slightly at this.
Sometimes he scared the hell out of himself.
Maybe because it all seemed so sad.
The whole ceremony thing.
A teacher had died the night before.
A heart attack, people were saying,
and now they made this huge sad ceremony for him,
with pupils singing and colleagues making heart - melting speaches.
Mike had been crying all the time since he had got the news.
He and this teacher had gotten on great
and they had been kind of close,
even if that guy had been a teacher.
Some seniors had just ended their touching speach,
using phrases like
"He wasn't only my teacher in school,
He was my teacher for life."
all the people that were supposed to sing got up,
a hankie in their hands and tears in their eyes,
cursing the choir leader silently for letting them sing now,
that they were in this state.
Billie was supposed to sing, too.
It was a beautiful, but very sad song.
Hallelujah.
Billie started when the lyrics set in,
his lips forming the words.
But suddenly he had to stop.
He didn't know why
but the tears had suddenly taken over,
not allowing him to sing any further.
He pressed his hand against his mouth to stop himself from crying too hard,
and tried to stop himself from shaking.
He obviously couldn't hide it too well,
for the mate who stood next to him patted his back for a second,
which was supposed to calm him down,
but effectuated the contrary only.
Billie couldn't say why this touched him so much.
He hadn't known the teacher too well,
he hadn't thought about anything sad while he had sung,
and this all hadn't affected at all him so far.
He sobbed quietly into the hankie the mate had handed him,
and wiped the tears from his face.
There was this bad feeling inside of him,
that just wouldn't let go.
It hadn't been there for too long now.
But it held onto Billie's heart like an icy hand.
He felt a hand on his shoulder,
coming from behind.
When he tried to look back he couldn't.
Something inside him blocked his neck.
But the hand's owner didn't seem to mind.
The hand cupped Billie's cheek softly and wiped a new tear away.
As if that was absolutely normal.
It was too dark for Billie to see the hand clearly
and right now he didn't really care to whom it belonged.
It felt so good to be taken care of.
The hand stroked his cheek one last time before leaving him
and Billie gave a small whine inside.
When the lights went back on he turned around to see who was standing behind him.
But the only person in that row he knew was a boy from his biology class.
Billie's eyes searched the room for someone else he knew,
but there was noone else.
He shook his head unbelievingly.
Was he totally insane now?
Did he turn out to be a paranoid freak?
He already suffered from the uncontrollable shaking of his left hand,
which occured much more often these days.
But feeling a hand on his back when there really wasn't one?
He followed the others outside,
drowned in thoughts and not paying attention to anything,
when he ran over a junior kid.
"Oh, I'm so-.."
"Watch your damn way!" the small kid yelled angrily.
It was strange.
Kids seemed to have less and less respect for older people.
As Billie stood there,
his heart suddenly began to speed up and his pulse began to rush.
He gasped for air when he fell onto his knees,
his hand pressed against his heart.
It hurt so much he tought he was about to die right there.
It felt like knifes got stuck into it,
a mischiveous laugh in the background.
He shut his eyes so tightly he got dizzy enough to pass out,
when someone pulled him up.
"Are you okay, Bill?"
"Yeah, I'm.. I.. yeah.."
The pain slowely faded and Billie managed to open his eyes.
"...I..." he started.
But there was noone to talk to.
The hall was all empty,
everyone had gone to their classes.
Billie shivered slightly at this.
Sometimes he scared the hell out of himself.
