Asleep, chapter 39

But yeah,
he had had a few drinks again that night.

And this was were it had brought him.

He punched himself mentally for really telling Mike,
for really letting the word escape his lips.

He had sworn himself to never do that.
He really had.
With his hand above his heart he had sworn it,
for everyone's sake,
for doing the right thing.

And what had he done now?

Like always he had broken the promise to himself
and what resulted was a situation incredibly stupid.

And,
how else could it've been,
Mike wasn't getting the things he said right.

He never did.
Billie couldn't tell why, but somehow Mike didn't seem to understand him at all.
Not only when it came to this,
but in everything.

"....It won't help you with your heartache."

"I don't do it because of that, Mike."

"It doesn't help, Bill.
I know how it feels to have your heart broken, but..."

Bla. Bla. Bla.

Bla.

Heartache, what the fuck?

Why did Mike never listen, for heaven's sake?

Billie had given up trying to explain that heartache wasn't his reason for doing stuff,
unlike Mike, who always did things because either of heartache
or because of misery.

Billie sighed and tried to raised his hand
as a kind of interrupting gesture,
but stopped halfway to put it down again as fast as he could.

His hand was shaking like mad again.

And I mean really mad.

It was shaking so hard he could hardly hide it under his shirt,
with his other hand pressed against it.

So, no interrupting for him this time.

What a clever guess, Billie;
he told himself.

Cynically and with all the bitterness he had inside.

He wanted Mike to shut up.

And to stop scribbling and that notepad at once.

And he wanted it real bad.