Asleep, chapter 40
"Tre?"
"Yeah?"
"Sometimes I'm afraid...of being stupid, you know... I feel like that a lot."
They hadn't seen each other for a long time.
For several months.
And now they lay on Billie's bed,
hands under their heads,
eyes fixed on the ceiling.
It was strange that they had nothing really to talk about.
Everything had been said in about an hour.
Then they had bought beer.
Billie had played a song on the guitar and read a short story to Tre.
And Tre had told Billie about his girlfriend.
Or whatever she was.
They happened to not really have a relationship,
but shared their beds and their kisses only with each other.
To Billie this seemed kinda odd,
but he didn't think about it in that way because it was Tre who had told him.
Tre always had had this relationships and one- night- stands that were
either completely shocking, dirty or odd,
never something normal and solid.
That just seemed to pass him by.
Billie stared at the ceiling,
concentrating on it.
"And I'm.... I'm so afraid that I can't have deep and true feelings for something.. or someone...
I mean... for everyone there's a person of which you think kind of... protectively, you know...?
But I don't have a person like that! I don't feel the need to protect anyone... not even Mike! I.... I just don't have someone like that!"
He sighed heavily.
His voice had been shaking quite a bit while he had spoken,
though he had tried his best not to let it show too much.
He had always been deadly honest to Tre.
Tre knew everything.
But he wasn't into getting too emotional.
They both weren't.
Billie rolled to the side and curled up,
like a cat looking for warmth,
wrapping his arms around his legs.
He always did this.
That way he needed barely any space at all.
And right now he didn't feel like standing in the spotlight.
After a short pause Tre looked over at him.
"Billie?.....
You are that kind of a person, really."
"Yeah?"
"Sometimes I'm afraid...of being stupid, you know... I feel like that a lot."
They hadn't seen each other for a long time.
For several months.
And now they lay on Billie's bed,
hands under their heads,
eyes fixed on the ceiling.
It was strange that they had nothing really to talk about.
Everything had been said in about an hour.
Then they had bought beer.
Billie had played a song on the guitar and read a short story to Tre.
And Tre had told Billie about his girlfriend.
Or whatever she was.
They happened to not really have a relationship,
but shared their beds and their kisses only with each other.
To Billie this seemed kinda odd,
but he didn't think about it in that way because it was Tre who had told him.
Tre always had had this relationships and one- night- stands that were
either completely shocking, dirty or odd,
never something normal and solid.
That just seemed to pass him by.
Billie stared at the ceiling,
concentrating on it.
"And I'm.... I'm so afraid that I can't have deep and true feelings for something.. or someone...
I mean... for everyone there's a person of which you think kind of... protectively, you know...?
But I don't have a person like that! I don't feel the need to protect anyone... not even Mike! I.... I just don't have someone like that!"
He sighed heavily.
His voice had been shaking quite a bit while he had spoken,
though he had tried his best not to let it show too much.
He had always been deadly honest to Tre.
Tre knew everything.
But he wasn't into getting too emotional.
They both weren't.
Billie rolled to the side and curled up,
like a cat looking for warmth,
wrapping his arms around his legs.
He always did this.
That way he needed barely any space at all.
And right now he didn't feel like standing in the spotlight.
After a short pause Tre looked over at him.
"Billie?.....
You are that kind of a person, really."
