Asleep, chapter 42

It was a strange question that had entered his mind.
And he didn't know where it had come from.
But now that it was here, it wouldn't leave him alone.

"Does misery love me?"

He wasn't really thinking about it,
although that was the reason why it was here,
supposedly, at least.

Misery.

He was responsible for all of his misery.
It wasn't other people's fault.
For once.

The insight felt uncomfortable on him.
But what didn't those days?
He was so hoplessly apathetic.
Even the teachers had asked him if everything was alright.
Because he looked so depressed all the time.

But what was he supposed to tell them?

He didn't really have a reason for everything he did.
The bad feeling he had led to taking pills and the pills led him somehow to feeling bad again,
even after they had comforted him for a while before.

He was a victim of catch 22.

And what a catch 22 it was.

He turned over in his bed,
thinking how this all had started.

He couldn't remember, really.
There was nothing but fog floating the memories.

His well of persuading himself had run dry,
and the dancefloor of his life had cleared as the people had left.
He was dehydrating from the lack of knowledge.

What was he going to do?
What would he do with his life?
What would his future look like?

He had never thought about that before.

But now that he did,
it seemed all scary.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to grow up and get a job.
To earn money.

He knew he had to, though.

Not that this helped him in any way.