Forever
- Name
- Renée
- Age
- 31
- Gender
- Female
- Location
- Somewhere
Member since February 28th, 2006
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About
For I know the thoughts and the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for good and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
~Jeremiah 29:11
It does look cool. :D
Especially with my new haircut!!!!!
Hope you have a good weekend too!
PCG, May 9th, 2009 at 09:46:38pm
Kewl.
Tomorrow's the 8th grade farewell dinner/dance thingy.
I'm going in a black dress and Phantom of the Opera mask. :D
PCG, May 8th, 2009 at 03:33:57pm
Tired. o.e
I'mma watch The Omen, The Omen 666, Damien: Omen II, Omen III: The Final Conflict, and Omen IV: The Awakening.
I also wanna read Dogs of War.
Do you know of any books about mercenaries or movies like The Omen that I might like?
PCG, May 7th, 2009 at 11:06:43pm
lol, I actually been to New York like, twice.
Oh sweet irony, eh?
PCG, May 3rd, 2009 at 09:13:02pm
Oh my gosh, we are close!
I live in PA! That's like, right under you! :D
PCG, May 3rd, 2009 at 05:38:27pm
:) Thank you so so so SO much. You help a lot.
And where do you live? LIke, what country? Cuz maybe we really DO live close to each other and we don't know it. 0.o
PCG, May 3rd, 2009 at 02:44:12pm
Actually, I would like to talk about him.
About a week ago he got drunk (as usual) and took out his drunken rage on me (as usual). I don't sleep much at night, it's half about my paranoia I've always had.
There's always been this irrational fear of mine (that may not be so irrational) that someone was going to do something to me in my sleep. First I was afraid I was going to be raped in my sleep when I was six because of the sex talk I'd gotten from my friend Kelly who'd gotten it from her sister earlier that day. Then I was afraid of being abducted by some monster, coupled with my fear of Dave finally being so fed up with me that he ended me for good. That's been the main one for the past seven or eight years.
So that, coupled with the fact that I'm virtually nocturnal, is the reason I don't sleep at night. So I nap after school.
Dave came home from "work" one day in his usual drunken stupor (or maybe it was pot again, I don't really know anymore) and went straight to my room. No knock, no pleasant "how was school?" and certainly no "hi." Just "clean this f*cking room or..." I don't even remember the threat anymore. They all just run together nowadays. So, since I was in a deep sleep, I had no clue he said this to me. Instead of gently waking me up, he screamed that I had "One f*cking hour or the computer's gone." I woke up and stumbled for a second, then started crying again and cleaned out my bookcase, which takes the longest out of most of my room-cleaning.
An hour later, despite the obvious progress I'd made, he comes in and takes my computer, saying something about responsibility and how I'm so worthless and "It's no wonder no one likes you, you stupid b*tch. You're a f*cking pig." Yeah, because he's soooo one to talk.
So I'm cleaning my room again becasue I'm a good f*cking kid, and I clean until like, 8:45. So, since I'm pretty much finished, I go down for a shower. I get yelled at for taking a shower so late, because Dave apparently neglected to tell my mother anything that went on (does he ever?). So then I get a shower. After that, I'm a few minutes late for dinner. He starts flipping out on me and again it's the "responsibility rant" that he has no f*cking place giving. Then he gets in my face and starts screaming because "I see the hate in your eyes." he always says this in some f*cking freaky Exorcist voice, especially when he's drunk or high (which is ALL THE f*ckING TIME). Then my mom FINALLY steps in and he starts screaming at HER becasue I'm so f*cking worthless and misbehaved and every bad thing you couldn't possibly imagine. Meanwhile, his kid came into my room with a knife, kicks me repeatedly, swears, says he hates EVERYONE, and is just the most horrifying FOUR YEAR OLD you could imagine. I can't even begin to describe how he is, just think his dad in miniature form.
So yeah, I'm so f*cking bad. The Goddamned black sheep of the family. Then my mom turns on me becasue I'm "tearing the family apart," when the real one who's doing that is the f*ckwad she married.
So he took my computer for a week, until my mom got it back from him today.
The good news is:
In math class, either a few days before or a few days after (I don't really know anymore, the days just mush together now) I hadd a complete emotional breakdown. I started crying (but not enough that you could see me, just picture a teenage girl crying but it looking so obvious that she's trying to keep it in for the good of everyone else) and chucked something, I think it was a notebook. My math teacher asked me what's wrong and I said something about Dave. This was during homeroom. Then during 8th period I got taken from chorus to discuss my "living arrangements" with the counselor, but for the good of the family (since I'm really the one holding this sh*thole together sometimes) I brushed everyone off.
I told my mother this and she finally said that I could stay with my dad for two weeks this summer and I'm old enough to decide from there. :)
Thanks for listening, though. You're the only person who's actually offered me a chance to talk about any of this. Religion, politics, my stepdad... all that jazz.
No one's ever cared about me enough to help me out. Thanks. :)
PCG, April 28th, 2009 at 11:26:05pm
I know it makes sense, but at the same time it doesn't. Like, I'm a strong believer in the power of coincidence. If there were some prophecy relating to me I know the first thing I'd think, probably not conciously but still the first thing, would be "coincidence." But I'd still go along with whatever just to humor whoever.
Like, in Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire. He was some prophecy but he didn't believe it. If that were me, I'd probably laugh and go along with it for the sport. I'm the kind of person that enjoys a good game, y'know? Anything to keep me occupied and keep my mind off my stepdad.
Somehow, I believe that maybe we're all fulfilling prophecies of our own. Like, could there be some prophets that had these "epiphanies" and didn't tell anyone? Or psychics? Maybe someone had a dream and it pertained to me or you but they forgot it? Maybe they didn't tell anyone so that they wouldn't be sent to an asylum?
Times aren't like they were. No one believes in prophecies anymore. My big thing is that people believe in all these biblical prophets and whatnot, but no one believes in it anymore. If I had a dream that something was going to happen and it did, people would just brush it off or something. No one believes in the "supernatural" anymore, and yet they believe in God and Jesus?
Like, people believe in God even though His existence wasn't proven, but don't believe in the Loch Ness Monster or Aliens or Bigfoot or vempires etc. etc. because they haven't been proven. So what's the point?
I believe in all of it. I'm only debating on the Jesus part because of sheer coincidence. Like, I'm sure that lots of people have been born in Bethlehem and grown up in N... Ok, so I can't spell that, but you get it. There's surely been more than one. Maybe they just kept to themselves, y'know?
I dunno. I overthink things. That's why I have so many questions.
PCG, April 21st, 2009 at 06:39:17pm
Yeah.
Someone asked me today if I was an atheist. Apparently this one girl that's been giving me hell for "being emo" (I'm really not either) started a rumor that I don't believe in God. So a nice girl heard this and asked, "Are you an atheist?" I responded with "No." She asked if I was a Christian and I said, "I'm debating." She asked if I believe in God and I said Yes, and she asked if I believed in Jesus. That's where I said, "I'm debating." Because, quite frankly, there's just... the only way I could describe it is to use the phrase "plotholes." I just don't get how everyone can be so sure that Jesus was the Messiah. That's why I'm looking into Judaism. (even though my friends are giving me hell for it)
PCG, April 20th, 2009 at 11:27:32pm
Thanks, most people never answer my religious or political questions. It bothers me.
PCG, April 19th, 2009 at 11:41:46pm
Your comment kinda helped, but I still want to explore.
'Sides, in this town the only churches are Catholic and Presbyterian and they don't have a thing to do with the Bible.
I was never gonna dismiss God, I was just wondering about life and religion in general and what I really believe.
But you helped me a lot. Thanks. :)
PCG, April 18th, 2009 at 12:29:34am
i don't mean to be rude, but i don't think i've ever met such a religious person on gsb in my life.
Jessie.Tastic!, April 17th, 2009 at 11:03:34pm
I have some questions about your blog comment.
Well, see the thing is I don't really know what religion I am. I'm f*cking 13 for Whoever's sakes! Right now I'm looking into every religion I hear about, researching it, and basing what one I join on my beliefs, though some of what I read is shaping my beliefs as well.
So really, things from the Bible will only confuse me. One of the main reasons - and this will sound shallow unless I explain it, which I will - that I don't just jump right into Christianity is that I can't understand any of the Bible, and whatever I can understand brings me more frustrating questions.
See, my belief is why be a part of a religion that makes no sense? The Bible is one of the most important parts of Christianity, and if I can't understand it how can I understand the religion at all?
If something makes no sense to me to the point where it's frustrating, and it's frustrating to the point where I want to chuck it at a wall and burn it, is it really for me?
At the moment I'm looking into Judaism. Right now my beliefs are a sort of mixture of Christianity and Judaism, which means there's no church for me and no holy book or whatever for me to read that will throw a little of this religion sh*t into perspective for me.
I'm trying to find myself in every way I can, religion included. I need a religious identity as well as any other kind of identity. A religious identity helps make up an overall identity, the way I see it.
So yeah. Anything Biblical confuses the crap outta me. :(
PCG, April 17th, 2009 at 07:09:30pm
Did you take that picture?
BREASTS, April 16th, 2009 at 11:27:09pm
Hi Renee.
I saw your reply on someone else's blog about God and I thought you sounded like someone I knew on here named Renee.
Did you go on the message boards before?
By the way, I'm very happy that you're not afraid to express your belief in God. It's wonderful and their should be many more people like you. :)
Jesse Lacey, April 16th, 2009 at 05:38:50pm