Dead Brother
My name is Callie, short for Caitlyn. I'm fuming right now. People are the worst thing to happen to me; they think that being a prick is just the funniest thing ever.
Exact Quote:
" Kill yourself already. No one cares about you or your dumbass brother. The whole world was happier when he died, you stupid cunt."
It started three years ago when my brother killed himself. I never imagined he would do it, the night before he did it, he wasn't acting suicidal or even slightly depressed. But maybe I should have seen the signs, that night he asked me if I could go on living my life without him. I didn't think anything of it, but maybe I could have stopped him...
I loved him so much, he was basically the only family I had. My father left us when I was a couple of months old, and my mom isn't a mother, she was a party girl with two legal obligations, me and my brother. When something was wrong, he was there, and we were content with ourselves.
The next morning, I went to wake my brother up for school, because I thought maybe his alarm hadn't woken him up.
Then, I saw it. His note. I don't want to go into what it said, but I panicked and started trying to force his door open. Being only fourteen, I couldn't budge the door in spite of it being locked. I was screaming and crying and I finally calmed down enough to use a coathanger to unlock the simple push-in-lock our bedroom doors had came with. I ran in and saw him, pale and cold, lying in his bed. I broke down and started crying on the spot. Then I ran to the phone and called my mother, thinking she should know first, but she didn't bother to answer her cell phone, so I dialed 911, and waited for the authorities to tell me what i already knew: my brother was dead. suicide.
Maybe our relationship was too attached, but I still feel the pain of his loss everyday. Sometimes I feel like joining him, no one cares about me. Everyone I thought loved me was using me for their own needs and I'm sick of this pain.
Exact Quote:
" Kill yourself already. No one cares about you or your dumbass brother. The whole world was happier when he died, you stupid cunt."
It started three years ago when my brother killed himself. I never imagined he would do it, the night before he did it, he wasn't acting suicidal or even slightly depressed. But maybe I should have seen the signs, that night he asked me if I could go on living my life without him. I didn't think anything of it, but maybe I could have stopped him...
I loved him so much, he was basically the only family I had. My father left us when I was a couple of months old, and my mom isn't a mother, she was a party girl with two legal obligations, me and my brother. When something was wrong, he was there, and we were content with ourselves.
The next morning, I went to wake my brother up for school, because I thought maybe his alarm hadn't woken him up.
Then, I saw it. His note. I don't want to go into what it said, but I panicked and started trying to force his door open. Being only fourteen, I couldn't budge the door in spite of it being locked. I was screaming and crying and I finally calmed down enough to use a coathanger to unlock the simple push-in-lock our bedroom doors had came with. I ran in and saw him, pale and cold, lying in his bed. I broke down and started crying on the spot. Then I ran to the phone and called my mother, thinking she should know first, but she didn't bother to answer her cell phone, so I dialed 911, and waited for the authorities to tell me what i already knew: my brother was dead. suicide.
Maybe our relationship was too attached, but I still feel the pain of his loss everyday. Sometimes I feel like joining him, no one cares about me. Everyone I thought loved me was using me for their own needs and I'm sick of this pain.
This blog makes me cry....no seriously I cried so hard. whoever told you to shutup is a cold, heartless human being and all I can say is be strong.
Jessika with a K, May 26th, 2007 at 01:18:07pm
i hve the same feelings. my father died when i was only 5 yrs. old. and my grandmother died when I was only 3. i cry my self to sleep most of the time because i miss them so much.
CanYouFeelIt, May 25th, 2007 at 07:25:02pm
I'm sorry for your loss. ]:
Seeing you're 17, I don't think you should join him at all. You have the rest of your life to live & so much ahead of you, you shouldn't ruin it all now. I'm sure your brother would be happier if you continued living anyway.
I'm not so sure what to say, I'm not very good at supporting people but don't commit suicide. It's not worth it. Sorry. *Hugs*
Skippy., May 24th, 2007 at 05:27:53am
*hugs* I know only hugs aren't the same but it's the only thing I can do from here.
I'm very sorry for your loss. You must know that this is none of your fault. And you still have all your life infront of you. Like Kurtni said, teenage years are tough, especially when you also have to go through a loss of a family member. But you'll get through it I'm sure. Always keep the memory of your beloved brother and live and love your life. I'm very sure thats also what your brother wants you to do.
And if you ever feel like talking to someone who is not involved, you can always PM me :hug:
Love, May 24th, 2007 at 05:00:54am
-hugs-
I am really sorry.
You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. It's not all your fault.
And remember, there is ALWAYS someone who cares. Weather it's on the internet, or in real life.
Steph:DonaNobisPacem, May 23rd, 2007 at 07:14:11pm
we have too much in common. you see, my boyfriend killed himself because of a rumor that i was killing myself. he shot himself the night he heard. he loved me so much he wanted to be with me. i was traumatized without him. he didnt even have time to say i love you that day. the last i heard from him was the night before. you can tell how i felt. i thought about killing myself as well, but i am just trying to live and start over a new life. dear, i feel your pain. i am sorry. i felt as if i could stop Richard from killing himself but there was nothing i could do. i blame people. they are the problem. pressure can drive people to do unimaginable things. if people had not always tormented me, i wouldnt had been labeled as a suicidal person. then they woudnt have told Richard that i was killing myself. Callie...I think we have too much in common to not be friends.
MacabreCuddleBear, May 23rd, 2007 at 06:26:30pm
Im terribly sorry for your loss. I don't know what I would do if I ever found any of my siblings in a position like that. Don't blame yourself, try not to think thoughts that start with "could I have stopped him if I.." because thats unfair to you. You can't control his actions and all you can do now is know that he's in peace. And there is no such thing as a "too attached" relationship with a family member. Its healthy to have relationships like that, you didn't do anything wrong. Considering your moms abscence, its not surprising you two were so close. You'll always have your memories of him.
Im looking at your age and you're only 17. You don't want to join him, you have so much ahead of you. Teenage years are tough, because alot of your life you have little control over. Other people can use you and make choices for you. Once you get older and you're out on your own, that isn't the case. You can make your own choices and live your life how you want to, and you don't have to worry about pleasing others. I don't blame you for being tired of the way things are. But ending your life isn't the solution. Changing your life is. You only get one of them, you should make it last as long as you can.
Kurtni, May 23rd, 2007 at 06:12:32pm
heh.
no one on the damned internet cares either :/
ripcujiepoo, May 23rd, 2007 at 06:11:09pm