So, My birthday is coming up.

Hey,

This is my first ever blog, so don't expect to much.

Okay, so. This is just gonna be like, random things that happen in a teenage life, possibly mine.

So on the 28th of may I turn 15. This comes with negatives and positives, the positives being;
- closer to getting my licence
- being allowed out without a curfew
- not having my parents check up on me a whole lot

then there the negatives;
- having to get a job
- 'growing up' and becoming more of an individual.

I'm actually looking foward to it, I'm 15 have only had 2 boyfriends but ironically still haven't had my first kiss, and im not afraid to admit it. Go on laugh, it won't make you feel any bigger than me. I really like this guy, i won't say his name, bcause i don;t want to, anyway, he's 18, and i met him through a friend. Now, i don't know him a whole lot, but still, that doesn't give me a reason not to like him. One night i told some people and it got to him [it's surprising how fast things get around] and he kept on saying i was nothing more than a 'top chick' to him and because of the age difference he would never consider anything more. Now today, him and another guy friend met up with two, let's say, preps from my school, who i happen to hate alot. When they got back, they kept going on about how hot they were and etc. Now that really pissed me off.

Nowadays, do you have to be a size 0, and eat practically nothing, and sell yourself to the locality of people to become popular, or in this case, the fantasy of teenage boys dreams? Why is it so hard, to get a boyfriend who doesn't care what you look like, but cares for who you are a whole person, some looks, some personality, and whatever you can like about the person. If he ends up dating one of them, i will end up very angry, hurt and pissed off. Just because i'm not a size 0, or sell myself does that make me less inclined to have a boyfriend who loves me for me?

So, people who have 'been there done that' with being 15, how the hell did you get through it and what the hell is your secret? .. My parents are pushing me to get a job, and believe me, I've tried, so very, very hard, they want me to be everything and do everything their way. It's like, i can never be myself around my parents, I'm always a different person to them than to who i am to my friends. My parents are laid back and all, but i still can't find the guts to be myself. Me and my mum are really close, but there are alot of things i can't bring myself to tell her.

According to my mum, all of this 'punk/emo' stuff is just a phase, cause everyone else is going through it. my;
- music taste
- my clothing style
- attitude.

Now let's see, actually, not every teenager is going through this, because not every teenager listens to punk/metal etc, not every teen is dressing like, well, let's face it, dressing like a freak, and mum, my attitude, it's part of me, everyone has one, it's probabaly just not as bad as you think mine is. I won't get out of this phase, it just happens to be who i am. and NO, not even you will change it.

Now, in school, im getting all good marks, they aren't perfect A's. but there's A,B and C's in there. nothing lower, nothing higher. i study in school, i do all my work, yeah i may slack off occasionally, but i always hand in every piece of work even if it is crappily done.

I do think i have changed, not a whole lot, but i have changed. im sure you would too, if you were dragged away from your whole family, with only a few months notice. one day i found out we were moving to another state, the next month we were packed up. and because of a stupid arse family rift, i never got to say good-bye to them, and i regret it. I just wish my family would follow their own advice, and instead of lecturing me, get off their bums and apologise to each other, don't break the family up over one stupid incident, which half of us dont even know about.



Sometimes, family is all you need, and when you don't have it, your pretty much screwed. and ive told mum this, but as usual, it's just, 'teenage hormones' or 'dont do as i do, do as i say.'

no.

Anyways, i'll try to have a really good birthday. =]