Who I am, who you may be, where I've been, and all that weather.
So, to start this blog, here's a little about me.
I'm 14, bi, a boy, and named Relly. I have gray eyes, I'm about 5'8" and 110 pounds.
I was born a bastard, from a one night's stand and a broken rubber.
My parent's had me back and forth untill my mom moved too far to commute and I stayed with my "loving father". I've had around 20 "moms" that my dad was with.
My uncle Joey bought me my first guitar, wich I've poured my soul out on for 3 years.
My dad is...less than perfect. He's threatened me with Foster homes and boot camp.
From about the age of 12, I've been seperated from the normal kids. My school is divided by "jocks" "preps" "stoners" "gagnsters" "metallers" and "emos". I hang with the emos.
I've been at constant war with the gangsters for a while.
I've been beaten for being a fag, harassed for eyeliner, at one point a boy I didn't even know came up to me with a razor and sliced my arm "Are you satisfied emo" flew from his mouth. I have two or three good friends, and a boy/girlfriend if I'm lucky.
9 months ago my Boyfriend died. He was a great person.His name was Trevor. Just days before he got into the car accident I felt his chest, and there was his heartbeat. I felt it. He was there, it was alive, then some drunkard who had there liscense for a month took him from me.
Sometimes I can feel the soft "th-thump" in my dreams. But now I'm just the single fag.
I've attempted suicide twice. I'm a cutter, since 11. No one's bothered to notice since about 2 weeks ago. My friends took me aside, turned out my pockets and backpack untill they found all my cutters and safety pins, then threw them away. Since then they check my arms daily for cuts.
I'm a failure, no doubt in my mind. I don't eat very often cause I'm sick of myself. I can't keep my grades up, I can't be straight, I failed my dad in being the army son he wanted. As far as I'm concerned anything I've ever done has been failure.
Though I doubt anyone will care about me, thanks if you even read to this point.
I'm 14, bi, a boy, and named Relly. I have gray eyes, I'm about 5'8" and 110 pounds.
I was born a bastard, from a one night's stand and a broken rubber.
My parent's had me back and forth untill my mom moved too far to commute and I stayed with my "loving father". I've had around 20 "moms" that my dad was with.
My uncle Joey bought me my first guitar, wich I've poured my soul out on for 3 years.
My dad is...less than perfect. He's threatened me with Foster homes and boot camp.
From about the age of 12, I've been seperated from the normal kids. My school is divided by "jocks" "preps" "stoners" "gagnsters" "metallers" and "emos". I hang with the emos.
I've been at constant war with the gangsters for a while.
I've been beaten for being a fag, harassed for eyeliner, at one point a boy I didn't even know came up to me with a razor and sliced my arm "Are you satisfied emo" flew from his mouth. I have two or three good friends, and a boy/girlfriend if I'm lucky.
9 months ago my Boyfriend died. He was a great person.His name was Trevor. Just days before he got into the car accident I felt his chest, and there was his heartbeat. I felt it. He was there, it was alive, then some drunkard who had there liscense for a month took him from me.
Sometimes I can feel the soft "th-thump" in my dreams. But now I'm just the single fag.
I've attempted suicide twice. I'm a cutter, since 11. No one's bothered to notice since about 2 weeks ago. My friends took me aside, turned out my pockets and backpack untill they found all my cutters and safety pins, then threw them away. Since then they check my arms daily for cuts.
I'm a failure, no doubt in my mind. I don't eat very often cause I'm sick of myself. I can't keep my grades up, I can't be straight, I failed my dad in being the army son he wanted. As far as I'm concerned anything I've ever done has been failure.
Though I doubt anyone will care about me, thanks if you even read to this point.
hey.. omg thts really terrible what tht kid sed to u and i am really sorry about ur boyfriend and people always call people if they are not something they like if that makes sense ^o) oh wel
YazFreak, June 4th, 2007 at 11:45:41am
Woah.
I agree with icebox.
wow, May 28th, 2007 at 06:26:08pm
Ugh! With the twelve and fourteen year old cutters, its alright!! It is oookay, its okay to be hurt and for things to not be perfect and to be whoever the hell you arem that doesnt mean your a god damned failure because of the situations you were born into!! Just gmfghlkjfjfa f*cking bloody hell....Dying wont fix it, your pain wont fix it, just hold on to whatever can give you the teeniest bit of light til your old enough to get away from everything.....
>.<
-is rather upsetish/on the verge of hysteric-
banquo, May 28th, 2007 at 04:56:36pm
Lately I started to notice how much to world is sucking right now..
most of the time I am a very very happy girl..
but reading stuff like this make me angry...
I'm sick and tired that people can't be who they want to be..
strangers that cut you??? WHAT THE f*ck
Dude.. you are not a failure..
do you know how much gut it takes to write something like this?
You are lucky that you have friends like that... Take care of them.. they don't come along that often...
And about your boyfriend...
AGAIN STUPID f*ckED UP WORLD!!!!
I have got my driverslicence for a month now..
and I want to a few parties with the car.
and then I NEVER drunk one bit. The thought alone freaks me out..
I don't understand how people can be so bloody irresponsible...
f*ckers
champagne supernova*, May 28th, 2007 at 01:08:56pm
...at one point a boy I didn't even know came up to me with a razor and sliced my arm "Are you satisfied emo" flew from his mouth.
yeah that is awful people like that dont deserve freinds or anything much
wow-thats-original, May 28th, 2007 at 10:52:12am
Dude, people will always be separated into groups. It sucks but that's life. I'm hapy to hear that your friends have helped you stop. You shouldn't give up on life that easily. Just ignore those losers and chill wioth your friends. The ones who saved you are the ones that you can be with. Hang in there dude! .. and I'm very sorry about your boyfriend... :(
good luck !
*hugs*
Destination_Unknown, May 28th, 2007 at 09:13:32am
...at one point a boy I didn't even know came up to me with a razor and sliced my arm "Are you satisfied emo" flew from his mouth.
Dude, that's terrible. I want to punch whoever did that in the face for you. I can't even explain how ;kljdsf;FJDKL,GHBNBL...sorry...
By the way, you shouldn't say things about yourself like "bastard" and "fag", you're only bringing yourself down more, but I can understand; I do that a little too.
I started doing...that when I was eleven, too...Now I feel like I was too young to know what I was doing and I feel terrible about myself for doing it. It good that your friends are trying to help...I'm being a hypocrite right now, actually, because I hate when my friends try to "help".
I can relate to about half the stuff in this...
It's a really well-written blog, by the way. :]
lishaaaaa, May 28th, 2007 at 08:37:36am
School years can be tough and bullying happens way too often. *hugs* Never let anyone get you down who doesn't have a right to.I also think you should report them
I'm sorry about your boyfriend. But I'm sure he is watching you now. and he wants you to smile and to enjoy your life.
It looks like you have good friends who care for you. Maybe they can help you to stop hurting yourself.
I wish you all the best. If you need someone to talk to,, you can PM me.
<3
Love, May 28th, 2007 at 07:40:37am
I am so sorry....And I care about you...You are a great person...
You have friends that care about you..Please don't cut again...
I'm really sorry about what happened to your boyfriend *hugs* R.I.P. him...
And I want you to know that if you wanna talk I will be here!
*hugs*
<33
Nicole
brompton cocktail., May 28th, 2007 at 07:38:59am
Well it's clear your friends do care about you. Otherwise they wouldn't have gone thrugh your stuff looking for all the things you could use.
I'm sorry to here about Trevor. But it's obviosuly hard to get through it, but think about if he would want you to throw your life away because of some insults?
i don't think he would. So try to live with it, and they'll grow out of it.
Stef., May 28th, 2007 at 05:19:24am
aww, I'm sorry
there's no point in hurting yourself over things that have happened to you.
I started cutting myself when i was 11, too, and I stopped a few months ago.....to be honest, it really doesn't help anything. it just makes things worse
Joni., May 28th, 2007 at 05:18:21am
Well I'm glad your friends are helping.
You really should try to stop, it's not doing you any good. You don't achieve anything from it.
I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend. *Hugs* ]]:
For the people that bully you, ignore them.. & as wimpy as it sounds, report them.
Good luck.
Skippy., May 28th, 2007 at 04:22:09am
You'll always get the kids at school who will diss you for being different. There's no need to worry about it, but coming up to you and cutting your arm open is a little bit too much. I think the kid should think about what he's done and why he did it.
And I'm sorry about what happened to your boyfriend. R.I.P to him. And commiting suicide isn't going to make it better, your friends really care about you if they check your arm daily. They don't want you dead, so don't do it.
*hugs*
dramamine;, May 28th, 2007 at 04:16:29am