Death
I'm not sure who posted it, but a while ago someone made a Blah Blah about not being afraid of death, thinking it of something inevitable and all that stuff. Sorry, my memory fails me at the moment. Well, once again, it got me to thinking. I mean, I've thought about dying for a long time. This sounds really weird and all, but I honestly feel like I'm not going to live past my 20s. It's so strange! I can't imagine myself as an adult and all, it's easier for me to imagine myself dying in some sort of freak accident.
Well, my point is: What are your opinions on death? Feelings? Some people are afraid to die, and some people aren't. I have no shame in admitting that I am scared shitless over the mere concept of death. It's probably a personal thing, because I'm deathly afraid over things I can't control (my next entry is going to be on Phobias, btw) or know what will happen after them if it involves some sort of life-threatening risk or downside. Death could definitely qualify, huh?
It freaks me out, because I can't decide about what'll happen to me after I die. I mean, the logic in me says that I'll just go and that's it. Nothing else. But that's pretty awful in itself, isn't it? That there's nothing left after you die, your body just rots away and end of story. I don't know what to believe, because there's another part of me that wants, that HOPES, to believe that there's something else, that we can somehow exist in another time.
Because, if we were to just die, then what's our purpose? It's so confusing... I mean, why did all of this start in the first place? The Big Bang, the earth, life, all that. Something HAD to start it, start those chemical reactions in that small portion of dense matter billions ago. Hell, something had to MAKE those chemicals and MAKE that matter! How did all of this begin? And why? If I knew, I'd be more secure about death, because then there would be reason to believe that there is some sort of "second life." Wow, this goes back to that whole "god" debate, doesn't it...?
Then there's "ghost sightings" and the like. I believe in spirits existing on earth... I think... I mean, there's some times when "coincidences" happen that I couldn't even begin to explain to you, and it really makes you wonder whether those sorts of things exist. Not wonder, just KNOW. Especially dreams. Things have come to me in dreams, and other people I know, that are just so startling it really makes me think about the existence of spiritual-like things (remember: spiritual does not equal religious). In a way, I am comforted by that. But, that's a bit off-topic.
Death also scares me because it's so final. I mean, say that there's no life after death, or no place that our spirits will go to after we're dead. That's awful! I mean, this is our only life and we can't really say when we'll go. What if we don't finish making amends in our lives? Scares the hell out of me, leaving everyone I care about without saying "goodbye" or "I love you," or something. Or leaving everyone permanently. THIS IS IT. We don't live again, we can't start life over. We can't rewind a day, a month, a year, a lifetime. I've seriously cried for hours just thinking about it, and I can admit that I'm not one to cry. Reality bites, huh?
There's other things I wanted to say, but I honestly can't remember. I have so many thoughts about the afterlife it's scary. Maybe I'll remember and comment my own entry about it... wow, that sounded a little lame...
Well, my point is: What are your opinions on death? Feelings? Some people are afraid to die, and some people aren't. I have no shame in admitting that I am scared shitless over the mere concept of death. It's probably a personal thing, because I'm deathly afraid over things I can't control (my next entry is going to be on Phobias, btw) or know what will happen after them if it involves some sort of life-threatening risk or downside. Death could definitely qualify, huh?
It freaks me out, because I can't decide about what'll happen to me after I die. I mean, the logic in me says that I'll just go and that's it. Nothing else. But that's pretty awful in itself, isn't it? That there's nothing left after you die, your body just rots away and end of story. I don't know what to believe, because there's another part of me that wants, that HOPES, to believe that there's something else, that we can somehow exist in another time.
Because, if we were to just die, then what's our purpose? It's so confusing... I mean, why did all of this start in the first place? The Big Bang, the earth, life, all that. Something HAD to start it, start those chemical reactions in that small portion of dense matter billions ago. Hell, something had to MAKE those chemicals and MAKE that matter! How did all of this begin? And why? If I knew, I'd be more secure about death, because then there would be reason to believe that there is some sort of "second life." Wow, this goes back to that whole "god" debate, doesn't it...?
Then there's "ghost sightings" and the like. I believe in spirits existing on earth... I think... I mean, there's some times when "coincidences" happen that I couldn't even begin to explain to you, and it really makes you wonder whether those sorts of things exist. Not wonder, just KNOW. Especially dreams. Things have come to me in dreams, and other people I know, that are just so startling it really makes me think about the existence of spiritual-like things (remember: spiritual does not equal religious). In a way, I am comforted by that. But, that's a bit off-topic.
Death also scares me because it's so final. I mean, say that there's no life after death, or no place that our spirits will go to after we're dead. That's awful! I mean, this is our only life and we can't really say when we'll go. What if we don't finish making amends in our lives? Scares the hell out of me, leaving everyone I care about without saying "goodbye" or "I love you," or something. Or leaving everyone permanently. THIS IS IT. We don't live again, we can't start life over. We can't rewind a day, a month, a year, a lifetime. I've seriously cried for hours just thinking about it, and I can admit that I'm not one to cry. Reality bites, huh?
There's other things I wanted to say, but I honestly can't remember. I have so many thoughts about the afterlife it's scary. Maybe I'll remember and comment my own entry about it... wow, that sounded a little lame...
Gosh. This reminds me of a time last year when I thought about this. It was terrible. I couldn't eat, sleep, talk, and burst into tears on more then one occasion.
It lasted for a couple of weeks. My parents started to fight because I would not ler my mom leave my side for a minute.
But then, I just started to talk to other people. And that's what helped me. Seeing others that had so much faith that something was out there, and death was not the end kinda helped me along from that. Also, I became a avid reader of insperational stories (yes, I read chicken soup for the soul).
So I guess, I think something is out there. Otherwise, what would be the point of creativeness, writing, art, creating itself, music? And what would be the point of emotions, or love?
It just would not exist.
And think of all the unexplained.
I leave this commet with my favourite quote:
"We are an endless melody"
GreenDayCookieFairy, February 27th, 2007 at 02:28:23am
Exactly. Well said, well said, I definitely feel the same.
Funky Platypus, January 28th, 2007 at 01:11:45pm
I realised all this one evening, lying awake in the summer of 2005 on holiday in scotland. I was 12. And i honestly think that is the moment i grew up.
The thing about it that made me lay awake for many more nights afterwords was the thought that one day, everyone i loved would be gone. Just like that, poof, never to see them again or talk to them. I can't bear that, and i've worried myself with thoughts that i would honestly kill myself if that happened. But like you say, unless we have something left behind, some sort of legacy, something to be remembered by, we're gone forever. My grandad will only be remembered until everyone who knew him dies. But Elvis, Churchill, C.S Lewis, people who created something, whether ideas, music or books, they are the ones that are remembered for possibly hundreds of years after thier death. I think that's the true meaning of immortality, and the only reason i strive for the fairly shallow goal of fame or recognition, because i don't feel like i'm going to live long either, but i don't want to leave without leaving some sort of long-lasting mark on this world.
[/deep]
Boo Radley, January 28th, 2007 at 07:20:06am
It's good to know I'm not either XD I thought I was a little weird always worrying about death and when I'm going to die.
Funky Platypus, January 27th, 2007 at 10:08:50pm
It's frightening to me how your blog reflects my EXACT opinions on death. :D I know exactly how you feel. The first paragraph actually shocked me the most. That is exactly how I feel about life too. It's good to know I'm not alone on this. :)
Hello, My Name Is Asshole, January 27th, 2007 at 06:01:57pm
I personally find death to be one of the most fascinating subjects to talk about, because there are so many questions that arsie from it. I don't think Im scared to die in general,but Im scared to die before I accomplish everything I wanted to.
Kurtni, January 27th, 2007 at 10:00:51am