Jealousy, Or Something Close To It.
I just want to say, before anyone reads this, that I love my friends. I love them to death and this blog is just a silly way to vent myself of plain and simple envy.
I've always been envious of others, that's a known fact. There's always been someone who's prettier, sweeter, or more original, and those people have always been my friends. I 've never seemed good enough to even compare with them whether they're online or offline aqqaintinces. And I've never seemed to get over the fact that they're always better than me.
I watch my friends, my best and favourite people in the world talk to other people and hang out with them and be more comfortable with them than me. And it kinda hurts. Not like, I get a pain in my knee or anything like that but my heart'll kind of ache, you know what I mean? It's not a feeling I can easily describe except as jealously. I'm not so much as jealous as the person, it's rather the friendship they share and how I wish I could be that person. And then later when we part ways, my friend'll say 'I love you, see you tomorrow,' I know they don't mean it. And that's really the worst part. The part that makes me want to cry, but I know I can't. Because they'd ask what's wrong and I know I could never tell them. So, it kind of hurts to smile with them, just a bit. but I still do, because I still am jealous of them and their other friends and I hope that if I smile that someday, they'll truly be able to say that they love me, and mean it.
To conclude this pathetic sob story, I don't really know if what I'm feeling really is envy. And I'm not sure.
I've always been envious of others, that's a known fact. There's always been someone who's prettier, sweeter, or more original, and those people have always been my friends. I 've never seemed good enough to even compare with them whether they're online or offline aqqaintinces. And I've never seemed to get over the fact that they're always better than me.
I watch my friends, my best and favourite people in the world talk to other people and hang out with them and be more comfortable with them than me. And it kinda hurts. Not like, I get a pain in my knee or anything like that but my heart'll kind of ache, you know what I mean? It's not a feeling I can easily describe except as jealously. I'm not so much as jealous as the person, it's rather the friendship they share and how I wish I could be that person. And then later when we part ways, my friend'll say 'I love you, see you tomorrow,' I know they don't mean it. And that's really the worst part. The part that makes me want to cry, but I know I can't. Because they'd ask what's wrong and I know I could never tell them. So, it kind of hurts to smile with them, just a bit. but I still do, because I still am jealous of them and their other friends and I hope that if I smile that someday, they'll truly be able to say that they love me, and mean it.
To conclude this pathetic sob story, I don't really know if what I'm feeling really is envy. And I'm not sure.
that's almost exactly how i feel...
well, i'm glad to know i'm not the only one. =/
Kr!sta's Inferno, August 17th, 2007 at 09:23:28pm
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I sorta know how you feel. I love my friends more than anything, I would give my life for them and so much more.
I am so jelous of them. They are so much better than me in everything, at everything..their prettier than me, and have much better personalities.
I envy them, and I wish I was them. I don't deserve to have such amazing people in my lives, but for some reason I do.
I know how you feel,
I wish I could help=\
Bubble Wrap., August 16th, 2007 at 07:58:40am