A little effort

I have little something called....low self esteem haha...its not that funny but i guess that is how i deal but anyway i have great troubles with this foe in front of me.I realize my problem and know of some ways to fix this but for some reason the body i am in will not do it, change that is.It bothers me so i get so close and then i stop.It is like driving a car down a street, heading to my destination but i come across a railroad track.The rails are down and the train goes on and on.I don't quite get why i can't put forth the effort to change.I mean i have hypothesized that maybe i really don;t want to change and i am just wanting to fit in but then if this is so then why am i unhappy?...It also (naturally i am assuming) it drastically hinders my social activity. the friends i speak to most become almost as much an nusance as this problem i have here.They are cool to some extent but their immaturity and kind of ignorance of me is what drops them. I wish to make new friends but like i said before it jsut stops. I get it to the point where the words are in my mouth but the mouth opens and the words escape to the back of my throat and my chance is ruined.gone.never to be heard.I can sometimes start some friendships with the help of others but friends aren't always going to be there for you in these cases.I know this well.
fragile and weak
and a few pieces gone from me.
maybe the curse will flee from me in time.But i really hope i get a kick in the ass soon.

if you read this whole rant, babble, whine whatever you like to call it..thanks and sorry you read it all
Posted on October 13th, 2007 at 07:55am


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