I feel like I'm losing faith.
No, not in God. Just in everyone I've ever known, everything I've ever believed in and everything I've ever wanted.
I have this permanent sickness in my mind that's telling me what they're saying is a lie and what they're doing is deliberate. I'm constantly being let down by friends and put down by family. I'm told I'm a disappoint, well I am. I disappoint myself and everyone around me. I try my hardest but its never enough for anyone. I'm not selfish, I never put myself first but apparantly I think everything is about me. I'm told to cut down on things I like but to get the balance right I am forced out of things I love doing. I work a part time job - too many hours along with overtime and I'm a full time school attendee and apparantly I'm lazy. I've lost sight of what I want because people are forcing me into directions I don't want to go in. I won't ever live up to people's expectations and it kills me to know that.
These past few weeks have been horrible and gradually I'm shutting myself away. I'm becoming someone I swore I never would. I'm emotionally inapt and I can't look most people in the eye. I won't give up, I know it sounds like I will but I won't. I'm not a quitter and I never will be. I'll keep fighting this until I can finally see things clearly.
I feel like people are trying to change me but I won't. I'll change for myself when the time is right, but I won't be walked over and treated this way.
I'm sorry if my mindless rantings don't make much sense. :/
I have this permanent sickness in my mind that's telling me what they're saying is a lie and what they're doing is deliberate. I'm constantly being let down by friends and put down by family. I'm told I'm a disappoint, well I am. I disappoint myself and everyone around me. I try my hardest but its never enough for anyone. I'm not selfish, I never put myself first but apparantly I think everything is about me. I'm told to cut down on things I like but to get the balance right I am forced out of things I love doing. I work a part time job - too many hours along with overtime and I'm a full time school attendee and apparantly I'm lazy. I've lost sight of what I want because people are forcing me into directions I don't want to go in. I won't ever live up to people's expectations and it kills me to know that.
These past few weeks have been horrible and gradually I'm shutting myself away. I'm becoming someone I swore I never would. I'm emotionally inapt and I can't look most people in the eye. I won't give up, I know it sounds like I will but I won't. I'm not a quitter and I never will be. I'll keep fighting this until I can finally see things clearly.
I feel like people are trying to change me but I won't. I'll change for myself when the time is right, but I won't be walked over and treated this way.
I'm sorry if my mindless rantings don't make much sense. :/
*hugs tight*
hunny i want you to know I will never lose faith in you and to me you set the expectations not fail to meet them
your life is yours to shape and mould as you will
as a human being yes you do have responsibilty to others around you, but not at the cost of your own happiness and if they can't see that then you need to tell them that actually this is you and who you want to be and make them relise the person they want you to be wont make you happy
if they are worth it they will relise
of course parents and teachers and even some friends do set high expectations of you for your betterment incase you lag behind in areas where you can exceed others
however everyone reaches their potential at different stages and it is so easy to expect a clever person to be ontop of all thier stresses in life
and so easy to load all our problems and someone who doesnt complain much and forget they are only human
bby girl you know you are my best friend for life
idk where id be if i hadnt met you
you're a true suphaheroe and you deserve to be suphaman :D
seriously though the problem with you is that you arent selfish enough
you always put others first and now because your so tired out it makes ppl think your lazy
you need some you time
prehaps go part time on one of your jobs or ask to have a leave for a bit
make other ppl relise that unless they share some of your troubles you're not gonna change your attiitude
we all know how they'd suffer without you
so prehaps take a backseat on life and let them organise things for once
and if they turn round and say they are dissappointed in you
tell them "well actually im dissappointed in YOU but that hasnt changed you has it?"
let them see what happens when you cross suphaman (Y)
& hunny im always here for you
all you need to do is ring me
i know lately i havent had credit plus issues with my parents and the phone
but seriously just ring me and if i cant reply then il ring back the next day at school
i love you hunnny <333
i hope everything turns out ok
you are a wonderful person and you've been my role model this past year
xo.
paper heart., February 19th, 2008 at 11:08:11am
We all feel that way at some point, but keep on pushing through. Never give up. Keep on going and don't let go. You will see things clearly if you give things time. I know how you feel though.. I hope everything turns out alright.
threeam., February 17th, 2008 at 08:30:15pm
aww sarah D:
*hugs*
same here.
hollywood tragedy., February 17th, 2008 at 07:18:23pm
I know how you feel. Or at least how you describe how you feel.
I work full-time & go to school full-time.
& my job sucks. Yet I'm still criticized by everyone for not being ambitious enough, etc.
I hope you feel better for both of us.
chaya.muriel, February 17th, 2008 at 05:39:42pm
=\ i sorta know how you feel.
*hugs*
i'm here to talk.
Bubble Wrap., February 17th, 2008 at 02:22:00pm
I wrote a blog based off of this one.
Cause it made me think.
Kay, it's not exactly linked, but I gave you credit for making me write mine.
I hope you feel better and things.
*hugs*
captain america, February 17th, 2008 at 02:05:50pm