Life's waiting for me.
I'm fourteen. I'm young. I recently left the stages of being a child. I'm stuck in between kid and grown up, just like all other teenagers. And now I'm told to plan my life. Choose a new school, choose subjects, choose an education, choose a career, choose a job, choose a life. I am fourteen yet already standing on the edge of being young. I'm realizing how close I am to making all decisions on my own, and it both scares me and excites me.
Next year, I could pack my bags and move to Gothenburg. I could study music, like I've been dreaming of for so long. Or I could go to Stockholm. I could start my own life there. A small apartment of 18 square metres, in a city where all I dream of isn't more than a kilometer away. I've been dreaming of it for oh so long, but never realized how soon it'll actually happen. A year could seem like a lot, but it will be me, alone out there. I won't become another person, I have learned that now. Before, when I was planning things further in time, I was thinking of my-further-self like someone else, but when actually standing there on the date of the happening it was just me. I hadn't lost any weight and I had woken up that morning not knowing what to wear, still as bored with my wardrobe as usual. Still everything I've always been. So in a year from now, I will stand there with my life stuffed in bags, ready to move it on. It will be me, blood and flesh, and no super hero. Can I make this on my own?
It excites me, because I'd meet so many different kinds of people and make new friends. I'd study music, drama, dance and art - precious subjects to me. I'd live where "the action is", close to stores, restaurants, boulevards, all sorts of entertainment, all sorts of knowledge, all sorts of everything. I know that it'd inspire me to keep going a lot more than going to school here.
But it scares me. Because maybe I'd lose so many friends. I might miss seeing faces I'm sick of seeing nowadays. And what if I get terribly lonely? And what if "the action" gets dangerous? And in a way, I can't get back if I leave next year. The coming education is a three-year-programme. I'll be eighteen when graduating. That's when most people move out - what about me? Should I move back home? No. I dream of moving to London after graduation.
So maybe, all I've got left here is one year. It freaks the hell out of me. Yet it's the most fantastic thought in the whole wide world.
Is this really the end of being a child? It can't be. I'm not ready... yet oh so fucking ready. I just want to spread my wings and fly. All my life, my ambition has been being free. I could be free for real next year if I choose that. But I'm so scared. I thought it'd never be me. I thought it'd be someone sophisticated, someone ready for it.
But this is my dream, so close now. It's just around the corner. I just don't know if I'm fast enough to catch it.
Next year, I could pack my bags and move to Gothenburg. I could study music, like I've been dreaming of for so long. Or I could go to Stockholm. I could start my own life there. A small apartment of 18 square metres, in a city where all I dream of isn't more than a kilometer away. I've been dreaming of it for oh so long, but never realized how soon it'll actually happen. A year could seem like a lot, but it will be me, alone out there. I won't become another person, I have learned that now. Before, when I was planning things further in time, I was thinking of my-further-self like someone else, but when actually standing there on the date of the happening it was just me. I hadn't lost any weight and I had woken up that morning not knowing what to wear, still as bored with my wardrobe as usual. Still everything I've always been. So in a year from now, I will stand there with my life stuffed in bags, ready to move it on. It will be me, blood and flesh, and no super hero. Can I make this on my own?
It excites me, because I'd meet so many different kinds of people and make new friends. I'd study music, drama, dance and art - precious subjects to me. I'd live where "the action is", close to stores, restaurants, boulevards, all sorts of entertainment, all sorts of knowledge, all sorts of everything. I know that it'd inspire me to keep going a lot more than going to school here.
But it scares me. Because maybe I'd lose so many friends. I might miss seeing faces I'm sick of seeing nowadays. And what if I get terribly lonely? And what if "the action" gets dangerous? And in a way, I can't get back if I leave next year. The coming education is a three-year-programme. I'll be eighteen when graduating. That's when most people move out - what about me? Should I move back home? No. I dream of moving to London after graduation.
So maybe, all I've got left here is one year. It freaks the hell out of me. Yet it's the most fantastic thought in the whole wide world.
Is this really the end of being a child? It can't be. I'm not ready... yet oh so fucking ready. I just want to spread my wings and fly. All my life, my ambition has been being free. I could be free for real next year if I choose that. But I'm so scared. I thought it'd never be me. I thought it'd be someone sophisticated, someone ready for it.
But this is my dream, so close now. It's just around the corner. I just don't know if I'm fast enough to catch it.
Fly.
See where it gets you.
Go for it and try not to look back..
I'm not ready to grow up either, but we've all got to do it sometime.
Good luck.. Go and see what the world has to offer you. =)
threeam., May 23rd, 2008 at 12:21:21am
omg. you write so wonderfully. i honestly think that you should go for your
dreams because we may only get one life to achieve and experience all
the things we've ever wanted to. one chance. i wish you luck <3
get famous, May 22nd, 2008 at 03:35:31pm
thanks :]
btw, London does rain because it's not a desert and I don't find it too smelly!
Lissie!, May 22nd, 2008 at 12:03:44pm
Go for your dreams.
Childhood has to end, but something better can come along.
You will make new freinds, you will have a new life, you dont have to but if its what it takes to get your dream then do it.
You have the rest of your life to waste doing what other people want you to do
Do whatever makes YOU happy right now, worry about it when your older and smarter
btw London rains and is smelly
Yay!, May 22nd, 2008 at 11:58:15am