On Going Home

I am 16 years old. I was born in India, but spent 13 years of my life in the US. New Jersey, to be specific. 3 years ago, I got on a plane to India. I haven't been home since.

Oh, I've been on a few planes since then. To Chennai. To Malaysia. To Singapore. Back to India. But none of them took me home, obviously. Three years is a long time. India is my home, in a sense. I have family here. I've made friends here. I feel a connection to my culture, to the sights and sounds and smells of a south Indian city.

But my first home was New Jersey. Every year since moving, I've asked my dad to take me home so I can visit my friends and just be in my town for a little while. Can you imagine three years without seeing your friends? It sucks.

My wish has finally been granted and I constantly thank God in the back of my mind. I have wanted to write all of this down but I was afraid I'd cry. There is a lump in my throat right now. But there is no better time to write this than now. The flight is tomorrow. I'll be at JFK Airport soon. I'll be home soon. But I wonder.

I have been playing Homecoming on repeat. I've been singing "We're coming hoooome agaaain" like a retard. But I wonder. How will it feel? What will I feel, other than happiness? Will I feel happiness?

I want to know what has changed. My friends, have they changed? I've kept in touch, but still I fear that they've become different people. I fear they won't care that I've flown across an ocean for them. I fear that I won't be as happy as I thought.

I want to go home so bad. I will be impatient during the flight. I will keep wondering if we're there yet. I am impatient now, waiting for the sun to rise. I am hopeful.

Has my town changed? Has it stayed the same? Have I changed? Will I still love it? I have this feeling in the back of my mind.

I think that when I finally step out of the airport, I will know. I will know what it's like to go home after three long years. I will know what its like to finally be cured of homesickness. And most of all, I will finally know if I still call it home.

But I don't know all those things yet. I have to wait and endure my time in the plane and the airport. Then, on June eleventh, I might finally be home again.
Posted on June 9th, 2008 at 02:42pm

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