To Where You Are: Josh Groban and a Sense of Reality

It's the 1 year, 5th month anniversary of my grandmother's passing. I still think about her time to time but lately I've been exceedingly analytical with songs and their lyrics. This song is a perfect example of what I've been feeling. "To Where You Are" by Josh Groban is an intensely beautiful yet lamentable song and it actually helps me cope with my grandmother’s death. It's been so long and I know you guys were very supportive of me because I posted another blog about her a while back. I can even remember the exact time because the experience has been forever embedded inside my brain. I'd like you all to take a look at these lyrics and ingest them as any other pensive song would be ingested; mentally of course. I want you to come with me and explore the meaning behind a few lines within this captivating song.

Who can say for certain, maybe you're still here. I feel you all around me. Your memory’s so clear
Being the very first lines of this song, Josh captures the very mood of the song. To me, this line defines the first stage of death; denial. When I received that terrible news at 11:25 pm, I fainted in hopes I’d wake up to see my grandmother looking at me with her reassuring and spirited eyes. I didn’t and for a few days, I’d deny the whole event ever happened. It became unhealthy but until the day the funeral was held, it hit me like a ton of bricks that she was gone and she was never coming back. As a young adolescent, it’s hard enough to deal with such devastation. I mean, telling myself I would never see her again wasn’t much better but I had to do this. I cried my last tears of such exposure but I knew I ready to take the next step of reminiscence.

Can it be that you are my forever love and you are watching over me from up above?
This line is very strong to me. It exemplifies two things: Reassurance and Deception. I have been reassured that my grandmother is in Heaven watching over me, making sure I’m well since what happened and making sure I’m also living out my life as best as possible. However, I sense a little deception. A few weeks after her mass was finished, I had a long chat with my 12 year old cousin. It was such a motivational conversation but I felt that my cousin had lost her faith in her religion and all things sensible. She was just as upset and the last thought was and I quote, “Liz, for all we know, grandma could be in the dirt, not in Heaven or Hell, just decaying in the cold dirt of the earth.” This panged me because this 12 year old had such emotion. I began to tear up and hugged her; reassured her grandma wasn’t some body in the dirt, but a beautiful soul that had risen to a place of infallibility. I told her what she needed to hear and yet, I felt deceived. Later that night, I thought to myself, “Maybe she really is just in the dirt wasting away with a life such forgotten.” I second guessed myself and I felt deceived because I didn’t know the whole truth behind where my grandmother actually was. I didn’t want to sound like a blasphemer but I was inquisitive. I talked to my mother and she said, “Why would you ask that honey? Grandma is in a better place, by means of Heaven, not dirt. Don’t worry. She’s here everywhere.” She’s here everywhere; which brings me to my next citation.

As my heart holds you just one beat away, I cherish all you gave me everyday.
My grandmother was indeed everywhere mainly in my heart. I definitely cherished the love she gave. I cherished the support she showed when it came to my musicality. She was ultimately there for everything triumphant and adverse in my life which is what the pure definition of a grandmother is. It seems that I felt incomplete when I found out the news but now I realize that every beat of my heart beats with her spirit and her beautiful soul.

I know you're there. A breath away is not far to where you are.
I’ve come to the long processed realization that deep down inside, my grandmother is in Heaven now living out the life without pain and sorrow. There isn’t even five books that could describe the stern impact my grandmother has made on my life. Her influential and comical personality had everyone falling in love with her. I do know she’s there in Heaven because her breath is not far from me and from what I feel. Grandma, I’m ready to let you go. I love you so much and only God could know the light you follow. I’ll be with you someday grandma and when I see you, we’ll live eternally together.

By writing this blog, I’ve come out stronger and much more insightful on adverse situations. I would like to thank you all for reading and going through this experience with me. I’d also like to thank Josh. Josh, by singing this song, you’ve helped me to realize the piousness in my grandmother’s soul and how to cope with death and everything around me. I love you all so much. Thank you.


Lyrics to the full song could be found here
Posted on July 7th, 2008 at 03:04am

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