Dying in another's arms
Dear Axel.
this is a small town. I'm glad you got out of here. I'm still here though because I'm always oh so young - I was always so small beside you. I could never have been good enough. I needed you. You always had to use your last powers to recharge me, and I'm sorry.
Yes, this town is small, so I see your face wherever I turn. There are streets that you've wandered, doors that you've opened, lawns that we've been lying on. Even if the sky nearly always is unique, I've already seen it with you. I'm trying to carry the entire sky on my shoulders because it might fall down over me and it's full of stars you've talked of, full of wishes and dreams, full of endless hours and nights. I don't want it to fall back over me, Axel.
I haven't only watched skies with you. I've seen how you died, I've seen myself dying when my face is reflected back at me in your eyes.
I always heard we were special. And yes, that's what I felt - special. It was special to me that out of six billion people, you chose me. It was special to me when you grabbed my hand and walked through the most crowded street. It was special to me when you'd spend time with me instead of your friends. It was special to me when you held me in your arms when I cried. It was special to me when you called me baby in public places. It was special to me when you kissed me. It was special to me, it was always spring; I was happy.
It's been 361 days. On July 26th 2007, 11:34 pm, I was running home. I remember the pain in my chest, my torn leggings, and the tears that would never stop. I ran away from you. I ran away because I couldn't take it. I ran away because it wasn't you and me against the world anymore. Suddenly, you were everything I thought you'd never be. I remember your glance - I wasn't reflected back at myself in it. I still don't know what was in your cigarette, I still don't know how much booze you had. I don't know if you're sorry. I have never heard from you since. First, I thought it'd kill me to always hear from you in second hand - a friend would tell me you had moved. I thought this town would strangle me.
It's been a long hard road without you. I still can't pass the part of the street where your eyes had changed without panicking. I still have your phone number written on my hand sometimes. I still see your face everywhere. I still haven't said "I love you" to anyone else. I still avoid looking at the sky. It doesn't hurt anymore, but I can't remove my bandage from the wounds even if they're healed. Because I need twice the safety now. My friends know exactly how to act to not bring memories of you to the surface. I've built safety walls around me. I don't know when I'm ready to remove them. This town is haunted since you left.
I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. Every day. Every night when lying in bed, I wonder how you are out there. Is there someone else reflected in your eyes now? Have you watched the sky without me? Stars may fall, Axel. I still love you. I miss your scent, I miss your soft hair, I miss your breaths, I miss listening to your heart, I miss your safe arms around me when I cry.
I'm no longer the person I was before I met you. I'm no longer the person I was those nights underneath the stars. My life has gone on, but the scars are still here. Axel, who are you now?
You're that someone, I just hope that you're alright.
this is a small town. I'm glad you got out of here. I'm still here though because I'm always oh so young - I was always so small beside you. I could never have been good enough. I needed you. You always had to use your last powers to recharge me, and I'm sorry.
Yes, this town is small, so I see your face wherever I turn. There are streets that you've wandered, doors that you've opened, lawns that we've been lying on. Even if the sky nearly always is unique, I've already seen it with you. I'm trying to carry the entire sky on my shoulders because it might fall down over me and it's full of stars you've talked of, full of wishes and dreams, full of endless hours and nights. I don't want it to fall back over me, Axel.
I haven't only watched skies with you. I've seen how you died, I've seen myself dying when my face is reflected back at me in your eyes.
I always heard we were special. And yes, that's what I felt - special. It was special to me that out of six billion people, you chose me. It was special to me when you grabbed my hand and walked through the most crowded street. It was special to me when you'd spend time with me instead of your friends. It was special to me when you held me in your arms when I cried. It was special to me when you called me baby in public places. It was special to me when you kissed me. It was special to me, it was always spring; I was happy.
It's been 361 days. On July 26th 2007, 11:34 pm, I was running home. I remember the pain in my chest, my torn leggings, and the tears that would never stop. I ran away from you. I ran away because I couldn't take it. I ran away because it wasn't you and me against the world anymore. Suddenly, you were everything I thought you'd never be. I remember your glance - I wasn't reflected back at myself in it. I still don't know what was in your cigarette, I still don't know how much booze you had. I don't know if you're sorry. I have never heard from you since. First, I thought it'd kill me to always hear from you in second hand - a friend would tell me you had moved. I thought this town would strangle me.
It's been a long hard road without you. I still can't pass the part of the street where your eyes had changed without panicking. I still have your phone number written on my hand sometimes. I still see your face everywhere. I still haven't said "I love you" to anyone else. I still avoid looking at the sky. It doesn't hurt anymore, but I can't remove my bandage from the wounds even if they're healed. Because I need twice the safety now. My friends know exactly how to act to not bring memories of you to the surface. I've built safety walls around me. I don't know when I'm ready to remove them. This town is haunted since you left.
I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. Every day. Every night when lying in bed, I wonder how you are out there. Is there someone else reflected in your eyes now? Have you watched the sky without me? Stars may fall, Axel. I still love you. I miss your scent, I miss your soft hair, I miss your breaths, I miss listening to your heart, I miss your safe arms around me when I cry.
I'm no longer the person I was before I met you. I'm no longer the person I was those nights underneath the stars. My life has gone on, but the scars are still here. Axel, who are you now?
You're that someone, I just hope that you're alright.
wahhh
du beskrev typ exakt det jag kände en gång i tiden, och alltid kommer göra.
det alla kommer känna någon gång i tiden, eller redan känner.
AMAZING.
underbart.
blev helt hänförd.
MiaThisIsUrgent., August 2nd, 2008 at 01:37:45pm
i don't know what to say...brilliant.
very touching.
beautifuly written my dear.
MikesCoffeeCup, July 23rd, 2008 at 01:00:36pm
Best blogger.
Skippy., July 23rd, 2008 at 03:11:05am
beautiful.
Yay!, July 22nd, 2008 at 11:24:36pm
thank you so so so much guys,
I can't believe you call this "amazing" because I wrote it in five minutes with no editing and it's far from my best work.
But, thanks :D
Lissie!, July 22nd, 2008 at 02:55:10pm
this was beautiful. it's touching. i wish i knew what to say to
make you happy or at least happier, but i don't. and i'm sorry.
get famous, July 22nd, 2008 at 02:52:46pm
you really are amazing.
princess consuela, July 22nd, 2008 at 01:39:08pm
I'm glad you posted this (:
Love, July 22nd, 2008 at 12:47:26pm
that's very touching.
you're an amazing writer
Rage, July 22nd, 2008 at 10:12:59am
This is very beautifully written.
I really love it. I'm sorry I don't have anything more intelligent to say. I never do. But it is very beautiful. You're a great writer.
Wino Forever, July 22nd, 2008 at 08:45:34am