Mom and Dad Will Never Understand

I can never concentrate. I ALWAYS procrastinate on everything, and it sucks. I have the worst memory and attention span ever. All I can really remember is songs and stuff. I never do my homework the night before, I can't sleep at nighttime (but I can't sleep with light in my eyes) which may be part of it, and projects are impossible for me unless I think they're really interesting. My mind always wonders to Green Day or something random and crazy. People have suggested giving up Green Day, and once there was almost an intervention, but if I didn't have Green Day my life would be hell. My parents think that Green Day is the cause of my problems, but it's really the opposite. It even helps me concentrate a little. They keep taking it away, watching me fall apart, and then giving it back after I'm all but a pile of dust. They don't care. They want me to be miserable, I know it. Parents will never understand. They don't even see the logic that they miss in their judgements. They blame me without proof. I don't want to be something I'm not, but if I'm myself they make fun of me and drive me crazy. Sometimes I'm alone locked in my room in hysterics. Sometimes I have dreams of killing some people. Sometimes... No, most times, I wish I was somewhere, ANYWHERE else. I'm usually thinking, "5 more years? I'll probably be DEAD in 5 years!!!" Me and my friend have a plan. As soon as we graduate, we're pulling together all of our money, picking a state, and getting a place there. If they saw this, they'd just take away something very near and dear to me instead of talking about it. Well, if yelling counts as talking, then there's always that. I wish they would just understand, but they don't and they never will. I'm always planning what I'll do when I'm a parent. If I'm watching South Park, I'm not gonna send them to bed. I'm gonna either let them watch what I'm watching or not watch it at all. They preach all this shit, "don't swear, don't do this, don't do that" and tell me not to do all the stuff they do. They'll tell me that they'll kill me if I ever drink, even after I'm 21, while they're pouring their beer or vodka or zima or whatever. They tell me to never do drugs, but that's MY choice. They can't shoot me for it. Then they tell me I'm lazy and don't ever do anything. I dust and sweep every other day, feed and water the dogs, plant stuff in the garden, watch my brother, and get them stuff constantly. I just want a mom, dad, stepmom, and stepdad who listen. I'm not saying that my parents are bad parents or abusive, because technically they're not. They're just like most other parents. They'll never understand. And if I talked to them about it, they'd say that it's not true and that I'm just paranoid or something. What can I do?
Posted on August 8th, 2008 at 11:35pm

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