Say What You Need To Say.

Have you ever wished you had said something? Have you ever wished you had done something? Do you ever regret letting that person walk out of your life, and not trying hard enough to make them stay? Have you ever wondered if the present would have been altered by something you could have done? Do you ever think that everything would be completely different if you had wanted something else at the time? I always wonder, what could have happened if maybe I had done something differently. Not to say I regret things, but I always wonder even about the smallest things. If I had chosen not to say that to that person, would things be the same as they are now? I think we all question our choices, even if they feel right at the time.. we always have the "What If" factor praying on our minds.

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say

Regrets are a tedious business, but I don't believe in them in a sense. In a certain sense, I suppose I do.. for the simple fact some mistakes require guilt. At the same time, we're all only human. We can, and will make mistakes for all of eternity. Some things should come with guilt, for example: being unfaithful. Being unfaithful, isn't just hurting you. You're hurting somebody you have a bond with, a promise to be intimate with only each other and nobody else. It’s something you should really think over, no one deserves it. Some things, you just shouldn't spend the time regretting for example: telling someone how you feel. If you never let your feelings be known, if you spend all your time keeping your feelings in your head, you could miss out on so much in life. I can admit, there are a few things I regret in my life. But for the most part I've come to realize the bad things in life, build up to who you are becoming. And growth is a part of life, although a lot of the time it's so hard to come to that realization because guilt and regret stand in the way. I think sometimes it's best to just let it go, and realize you can't change the past, but you can change the future.

Some days I sit around and wonder what could have happened if I had just chosen the other option. Like maybe it would change the things that are going on right now. Some days I wonder what would have happened if I had never called him that night, maybe we'd still be together today; Maybe his parents wouldn't have gone totally crazy and told us to break up. I wonder what would have happened if we had just taken the right way home, then maybe we wouldn't have lost touch for so long; Maybe our parents would still be the best of friends, and we'd be together all the time like before. I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't passed away, maybe my parents would still be together; Maybe my dad wouldn't have gone into depression, and our family would be the family I remember and associate with happiness. I wonder if I had said something to him sooner, maybe he wouldn't be so confused by what I'm trying to tell him; Maybe he'd want to be with me, just as much as I want to be with him. If she had never got us talking, would we be friends right now? There are so many things I question about my life. But somewhere deep down, I know the answers lie in the future. Somewhere I hope I'll find out what good these problematic situations in my life will do.

"Never let the fear of striking out, from playing the game.

I tend to wonder about a lot of things and I wish sometimes it were easier to say all the things I know I should say. But my inhibitions hold me back, I fear what people will think if I give them an honest opinion or tell them exactly how I feel. I think we all do, even if we say we don't care.. deep down we all care what people think. I always fear rejection if I'm honest, cause sometimes I know the truth is going to kill the person who needs to hear it. The truth is hard to tell, but the regret in the end is hardest to deal with when it's eating you up inside. Honesty is the best policy, even if in the end it'll hurt someone right? Then why do we feel such remorse when we do it and why do we always have the "What If" on our backs, if we did the right thing. I guess it's something to ponder, but I really wish I knew the reason.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts.

Posted on August 12th, 2008 at 09:04pm


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