blog it
this past week has changed my outlook on how this crappy summer turned out. It completely turned my life around. And if you're a reader of my blogs, you'll probably find I'm a little obsessed with guys. Since I always mention a different one. I'll get to that later.
Well.
Now there actually is a different one that I'm going to talk about.
Joe. Let me give you Joe's background. I've known Joe and his family (the Hagans) my whole life. I have vague memories of being at their house, doing little kid things, and the like. Just being around. I can't honestly say I remember much about Joe, I think he was kind of a jerk as a younger kid, but I couldn't say for sure.
So now, I'm back at their house. I've been here for a little more than a week and I'm here because my dad went on his honeymoon and my sister... well she was sort of rude and didn't wanna just hang around with me. So I'm staying with the Hagans. Our family friends.
And they're really nice and all. But let's get to what I really wanna talk about. Joe.
So, he came and picked me up whenever I first started off staying here. I didn't even recognize him or remember his name when I first got in his car to go back to their house. So that might hint at how well I remember him. Anywho, we headed back to their house, and I just hung around that night I think. Can't say I remember that too well and it was just about a week ago. Anyway.
I'm sort of beating around the bush..
I love him. I love Joe. Here's why. We both just started talking one night when he picked me up from work, and I learned a lot about him. How he'd gone through pretty rough times, like me. How he'd been through rehab, been a fucked up kid in high school, and how he'd been so low that he felt like not existing anymore. Basically what I'm going through, except I'm not in rehab and I'm still in high school.
We didn't talk a whole lot that night, or much in the next few days, which sort of brought me down, because I could feel my attraction growing. Fast. At first, it was just sort of, you know, finding him hot and stuff. But after I got to know these things about him, it grew even more. Just a profound and true respect for him. I thought "Wow, he's been through hell too. And he survived. How awesome."
I mean, I know there's people who have been through much worse than him and I combined, but I've never gotten to know them this well. It's truly amazing to bond with someone who's been down so low.
So. That was Friday night. We didn't talk much until Monday night.
Earlier that day I had therapy, and I told my therapist all about Joe. And she just sighed and explained to me how I have a guy obsession, how I just need to hear a guy tell me I'm a good person, and then just move right one to another one. But I think there's a little more to it than that. So I explained it to her, and told her how we bonded, how we talked, how we laughed, and how we confided. She told me straight-up "You need to listen to everything he says. Anything he tells you, listen. Because it'll be better to hear from him since you seem to have such strong feelings for him"
So I agreed with that, since I'd already done so the other night. I got home, hung around, and I was on the computer and watching tv when Joe came back home. He goes out every night and does various things. It was about 12:30 ish when he got back, and he was standing there with some McDonald's in hand. He looked at me and said "Wanna go smoke?" in his deep, incredibly attractive voice. So of course I say "yah sure" and we both head out, me running up to grab my smokes and lighter. So we both go to sit outside, him abandoning his food on a table. So by the way he smelled, I could tell he had some alcohol in him. Plus, he said he was a little drunk several times. So. We sat out there, had a cigarette, and talked.
We talked, talked, talked. We talked more than ever. He told me it all, how he'd been through crappy relationships, how he thought girls were fucked up (but said no offense to me), how he got paranoid when he looks on facebook or myspace and sees certain people he likes talking to someone who he doesn't know who it is.
He told me about how to bounce back, when it'll get better, how to make life easier. And honestly, I'd never shared that much with a guy for him to give me so much advice.
He'd actually had some weed as well, which we started to smoke, and made us talk about weird shit, like how we could remember random dreams we had from when we were little.
We talked about it all. Everything and anything. The only thing I didn't mention was my strong as hell feelings for him. Since that would just make it all really awkward. Although he was pretty drunk, and I was as high as airplanes.
We both were a little messed up. But maybe I'm off, I think people can better express their feelings under the influence of a little bit of something.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like that's true to an extent.
It was a great experience, and I feel like I figured a lot of things out by spilling everything to him.
It was great, I feel complete. I feel like I figured everything out.
Things it's taken me years to admit I have a problem with, let alone solve.
He's brilliant. He's helped me think about things, helped me realize things, helped me feel like a real, important person again.
It was honestly a life changing experience. It's hard though, seeing him and knowing how strong my feelings are. I sort of have to push them aside and not act like a bumbling fool around him, although that's how I feel. There's little things I appreciate about him, too. Like how he'll always look at me when he's talking to me. He always does. Or how he loves his little brother to death, how he'll always hang out with him, how he'll talk to him about what he wants to know. He appreciates his brother the most out of his siblings (he has a younger and older sister as well).
He's a genuine person, the best out of any guy I've met. He is sweet, kind, and most of all, he knows who he is.
Not many do. They just fake it because they don't want to admit who they really are.
He's real, he's awesome.
And I'm in love.
Well.
Now there actually is a different one that I'm going to talk about.
Joe. Let me give you Joe's background. I've known Joe and his family (the Hagans) my whole life. I have vague memories of being at their house, doing little kid things, and the like. Just being around. I can't honestly say I remember much about Joe, I think he was kind of a jerk as a younger kid, but I couldn't say for sure.
So now, I'm back at their house. I've been here for a little more than a week and I'm here because my dad went on his honeymoon and my sister... well she was sort of rude and didn't wanna just hang around with me. So I'm staying with the Hagans. Our family friends.
And they're really nice and all. But let's get to what I really wanna talk about. Joe.
So, he came and picked me up whenever I first started off staying here. I didn't even recognize him or remember his name when I first got in his car to go back to their house. So that might hint at how well I remember him. Anywho, we headed back to their house, and I just hung around that night I think. Can't say I remember that too well and it was just about a week ago. Anyway.
I'm sort of beating around the bush..
I love him. I love Joe. Here's why. We both just started talking one night when he picked me up from work, and I learned a lot about him. How he'd gone through pretty rough times, like me. How he'd been through rehab, been a fucked up kid in high school, and how he'd been so low that he felt like not existing anymore. Basically what I'm going through, except I'm not in rehab and I'm still in high school.
We didn't talk a whole lot that night, or much in the next few days, which sort of brought me down, because I could feel my attraction growing. Fast. At first, it was just sort of, you know, finding him hot and stuff. But after I got to know these things about him, it grew even more. Just a profound and true respect for him. I thought "Wow, he's been through hell too. And he survived. How awesome."
I mean, I know there's people who have been through much worse than him and I combined, but I've never gotten to know them this well. It's truly amazing to bond with someone who's been down so low.
So. That was Friday night. We didn't talk much until Monday night.
Earlier that day I had therapy, and I told my therapist all about Joe. And she just sighed and explained to me how I have a guy obsession, how I just need to hear a guy tell me I'm a good person, and then just move right one to another one. But I think there's a little more to it than that. So I explained it to her, and told her how we bonded, how we talked, how we laughed, and how we confided. She told me straight-up "You need to listen to everything he says. Anything he tells you, listen. Because it'll be better to hear from him since you seem to have such strong feelings for him"
So I agreed with that, since I'd already done so the other night. I got home, hung around, and I was on the computer and watching tv when Joe came back home. He goes out every night and does various things. It was about 12:30 ish when he got back, and he was standing there with some McDonald's in hand. He looked at me and said "Wanna go smoke?" in his deep, incredibly attractive voice. So of course I say "yah sure" and we both head out, me running up to grab my smokes and lighter. So we both go to sit outside, him abandoning his food on a table. So by the way he smelled, I could tell he had some alcohol in him. Plus, he said he was a little drunk several times. So. We sat out there, had a cigarette, and talked.
We talked, talked, talked. We talked more than ever. He told me it all, how he'd been through crappy relationships, how he thought girls were fucked up (but said no offense to me), how he got paranoid when he looks on facebook or myspace and sees certain people he likes talking to someone who he doesn't know who it is.
He told me about how to bounce back, when it'll get better, how to make life easier. And honestly, I'd never shared that much with a guy for him to give me so much advice.
He'd actually had some weed as well, which we started to smoke, and made us talk about weird shit, like how we could remember random dreams we had from when we were little.
We talked about it all. Everything and anything. The only thing I didn't mention was my strong as hell feelings for him. Since that would just make it all really awkward. Although he was pretty drunk, and I was as high as airplanes.
We both were a little messed up. But maybe I'm off, I think people can better express their feelings under the influence of a little bit of something.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like that's true to an extent.
It was a great experience, and I feel like I figured a lot of things out by spilling everything to him.
It was great, I feel complete. I feel like I figured everything out.
Things it's taken me years to admit I have a problem with, let alone solve.
He's brilliant. He's helped me think about things, helped me realize things, helped me feel like a real, important person again.
It was honestly a life changing experience. It's hard though, seeing him and knowing how strong my feelings are. I sort of have to push them aside and not act like a bumbling fool around him, although that's how I feel. There's little things I appreciate about him, too. Like how he'll always look at me when he's talking to me. He always does. Or how he loves his little brother to death, how he'll always hang out with him, how he'll talk to him about what he wants to know. He appreciates his brother the most out of his siblings (he has a younger and older sister as well).
He's a genuine person, the best out of any guy I've met. He is sweet, kind, and most of all, he knows who he is.
Not many do. They just fake it because they don't want to admit who they really are.
He's real, he's awesome.
And I'm in love.
:) !
Skippy., August 17th, 2008 at 02:51:37am