I taught my heart to smile again.

OK so...I just wrote this blog, but I forgot to save it so now it's all gone ._. So here I go again. It won't be as good as what I wrote before, but hey let's not give up.

We all get hurt sometimes, we feel heartbroken and betrayed. We cry and yet it never seems to get better. We wonder if there will be better days even though it doesn't seem like it. And yet it will get better eventually. It takes time, a lot of time. I've learnt that the hard way.

It's been about a year since my past relationship with a boy went wrong. A boy- yes, he was a boy. It's mean to say so but it's true. I trusted him to not hurt me, but in the end he hurt me like no one ever did before. My whole world broke into a million pieces, my heart was broken and my life was a mess. I wasn't able to do anything anymore without getting sad. It took me months to get a little better. I started dating other guys, but I was never able to open up to them. I wouldn't trust them to be nice to me, I wouldn't trust them to be true.

Nevertheless, my life was getting better again after half a year. I went out a lot, saw friends, went to concerts, met new people and simply had fun. I didnt't think much about guys. Even though I was happy, tere was still a little hole in my heart. Something was missing, someone to love, someone who loves me. But it wouldn't get me down. I was happy again and that was all that mattered.

And suddenly, when I didn't expect it, this man entered my world. He amazed me, he was strong, confident and loving. He was everything I ever wanted. We started phoning for hours day after day and suddenly I felt something that none of the other guys were able to make me feel. There was this feeling in my stomach, this warmth in my heart and suddenly I found myself willing to open up to a guy again. My heart was ready for someone new.

He knew about my troubles trusting a guy again, and he understood. He said he hoped I could trust him, and that he'd do anything to make me feel comfortable with him. And actually, I felt comfortable with him from day one. When we first kissed I knew everything has fallen into place again and that I have gotten over my pain from the past. There it was again, this feeling that I missed so much. Love. I can feel love again.

I actually told myself to never let a guy hurt me that much again...ever. But to keep myself from getting hurt I must prevent myself from opening up to someone. But that is wrong. You cannot love someone and you cannot have a real and good relationship if you can't open up to them. So I gave him my heart, and trust him to not break it. It's worth the risk. Love means taking the risk of getting hurt. But it's worth that risk.

My life is perfect right now. I'm happy everything turned out good. It was a long journey that I had to take. And it was worth the wait. If you ever feel down because of a guy or a girl, never give up. Times will change eventually. It takes long, but it is worth the wait.

Tom, even though you won't read this, I love you so much. ♥

Posted on September 10th, 2008 at 02:00pm


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