Nothing good can ever last
So, when I was about 3 my life was really fuckin good. My parents liked me, everyone in preschool was my friend, Dave wasn't such a jackass... the world was kickass.
Now, 10 years later, it sucks. All of it. Nobody likes me, my friends are turning away, I'm getting harassed constantly, and my stepdad keeps taking my computer and iPod, which he probably won't give back until next year.
Now I'm asking myself, where did it all go wrong? When did everything go from glorious to terrible so that I can't stop crying whenever I'm alone? I'll sit in my room, listening to music and willing everything to go back uphill. I keep thinking that it can't get any worse than it is now, and then it goes another 5 miles downhill, just like that.
People always say to look for the silver lining, and everything will be good again. Well, every time I try, I just feel desperate and pathetic and I'm disgusted at myself. I'm surrounded by bitches and morons, my stepdad's on a huge grounding spree, my mom always gives in to him but if she ever gives me something I want, she says she does too much for me and that I'm a spoiled little bitch and only care about myself. Then she complains about alol the shit she gets from people who hate me for helping me out. It's a lose lose situation. My mom called me a selfish little bitch for wanting to go to church, and then for not getting my stepmom the birthday present she wanted when she said she wanted a coffee maker. Maybe if onhe of them said that she wanted to get something different, then that's what we would've got her.
I guess I'm just a whiny little selfish good for nothing bitch. Well, that's what I'm told. I just feel so goddamn low right now, and I don't know what to do. It feels like the whole world is against me, and that nobody ever listens. Whenever I try to say something, they just tell me to shut up and stop whining. I can't stand it anymore. I begged them to kill me yesterday, and I was dead serious. But they didn't care. They never do. And now I don't know where to turn. I sometimes think that maybe I'm really in hell right now. But if I'm not, then I really hope I don't go there.
So if you could help me, I'd really appreciate it. I need someone to care.
Now, 10 years later, it sucks. All of it. Nobody likes me, my friends are turning away, I'm getting harassed constantly, and my stepdad keeps taking my computer and iPod, which he probably won't give back until next year.
Now I'm asking myself, where did it all go wrong? When did everything go from glorious to terrible so that I can't stop crying whenever I'm alone? I'll sit in my room, listening to music and willing everything to go back uphill. I keep thinking that it can't get any worse than it is now, and then it goes another 5 miles downhill, just like that.
People always say to look for the silver lining, and everything will be good again. Well, every time I try, I just feel desperate and pathetic and I'm disgusted at myself. I'm surrounded by bitches and morons, my stepdad's on a huge grounding spree, my mom always gives in to him but if she ever gives me something I want, she says she does too much for me and that I'm a spoiled little bitch and only care about myself. Then she complains about alol the shit she gets from people who hate me for helping me out. It's a lose lose situation. My mom called me a selfish little bitch for wanting to go to church, and then for not getting my stepmom the birthday present she wanted when she said she wanted a coffee maker. Maybe if onhe of them said that she wanted to get something different, then that's what we would've got her.
I guess I'm just a whiny little selfish good for nothing bitch. Well, that's what I'm told. I just feel so goddamn low right now, and I don't know what to do. It feels like the whole world is against me, and that nobody ever listens. Whenever I try to say something, they just tell me to shut up and stop whining. I can't stand it anymore. I begged them to kill me yesterday, and I was dead serious. But they didn't care. They never do. And now I don't know where to turn. I sometimes think that maybe I'm really in hell right now. But if I'm not, then I really hope I don't go there.
So if you could help me, I'd really appreciate it. I need someone to care.
I'm sorry I usually try my best notto criticise parents but seriously HOW BLOODY DARE THEY?!
First of you're not selfish or whiny at all, [cos if you were you'd have been kicked off gsb long ago, but your not and everyone likes you so thus you are not selfish and whiny]
Secondly trust me life changes a heck of alot when you're 13, I know people go on about blahblahblah you've just become a teenager you know nothing, but tbh its at this age you probably learn the most about the world if you're unlucky, which alot of us are. So if someone knocks you back for trying to tell them whats wrong, take them off you're list of people you trust and go to someone new. Every human deserves respect
I'm really hoping you've got this mom thing a bit out of perspective, cos seriously if she's that horrid in real life she's not worthy of being a mom, She brought you into this world, it's her darn job to look after you and nuture you into a young woman.
I know parents can be stressful and harsh and scary, try having a chat with them thoguh, it may amount to nothing but atleast you've said your piece then. Trust me me and my parents are constantly at logger heads, everything I do is wrong, everything they do is wrong, but you know what? I know if I ever needed help they'll be there first, despite how much I claim to loathe them we still share a bond that's hard to forget, and im sure that bond is there somewhere within your parents, you just need to revive it.
Most important thing ignore bullies. Now I'm not saying ignore what parents and teachers etc tell you to do, because I'm sure 90% of the stuff they say must be of some benifit, but if they start criticising you repeatedly, just let it go in one ear and out the other. They like the sound of their voice too much, once they're done ranting they will probably leave you in peace for another week or something. Also when they relise you dont get angery or visably rise to chalenge them, they'll cool down and relise what retards they are being.
Im sorry this is realy rushed and not all that good advice, but if you ever need to chat just pm me.
Also as hard as it is it's so important you set out and try to find new friends, through school, or a club, or church anything that gives you a break from your family.
Good luck<3
paper heart., September 22nd, 2008 at 04:30:49am
I don't think you're selfish or whiny. We all have our problems, alright? I know everything sucks for you right now but things could be a whole lot worse. Try to appreciate the things you do have by making a list of everything good in your life. No matter how crappy things are there are always good things. Don't give up. <3
threeam., September 15th, 2008 at 10:18:59pm
I care.
And I listen.
What makes of you makes of me cause I look up to you, remember?
Ugh. I sound selfish.
OMG!
Try finding a boyfriend!! xD He'll make everything better.... or worse. WAIT! don't listen to me. I give bad advice. I'm here to listen.
Spider Billie, September 15th, 2008 at 10:06:37pm
aw hun.
people go through times where they feel like nothing will ever get better. where you'll feel like you're all alone and no one cares. but that isn't the case. it'll take a while for things to get better, but they WILL. You just need to keep fighting and hanging in there. I'm here if you ever need to talk, about anything♥
Bubble Wrap., September 15th, 2008 at 06:56:54pm