Changes.

I remember being five years old and watching the older kids play games wishing to be just like them: free. I remember the feeling of joy as I played with my best friends in the playground at school: skipping, singing and playing games like red rover. I remember how the only way I could get to sleep was if my mother or her mother stroked my hair, soothing me to sleep with fairytales and stories of a world so far away from mine. I would fall asleep as I listened and dreamt of what they told me, of freedom, love and happiness.
And now, the early hours of the morning are drawing near as I toss and turn The soothing sounds of my stereo do nothing for me as I try to block out the ringing of my phone. I can't sleep, not now or tomorrow. The thoughts in my head are no longer of what will be in my lunchbox tomorrow for school or what games we'll play during break but whether or not my choices are right, whether you're worth it, i'm worth it or anything is. I struggle now, to drift into seamless sleep and to block the thoughts that terrorise me night after night. I dream whilst I'm awake. This change is permanent, something I can't take back but wish to, every night and every day.