the next chapter in my story...

If you haven't read my first story blog, you should totally go read it so this makes sense. lol. Like I said before, I am a writer. Writing is my passion and in fact what I'd like to do with my life. So any comments would be lovely. =]...one thing I don't like about this is I feel like the style is a bit different. It's not as poetic as I'd like it to be.

Part Two.

Once again she found herself torn apart by him. Her normal routine picked up again...things started to seem better. Until she hung out with him. It was awkward. The feelings of passion were gone, a shell of their former relationship was left. He would call it friendship but she didn't know what to call it. It was empty, just like how she felt. They hung out three days in a row, something that didn't usually happen. But instead of being close, kissing, talking they spent time playing a game. Of course they talked..but mostly about the game. The game was a distraction from the reality of the situation. It was there to escape the awkward silence and tension felt she felt and he surely felt as well. She thought spending time with him would solve a few problems but it turned out it made things worse...it broke her down even more, once again bringing her to tears.

The days where he was gone kept her thinking. She was reevaluating every thought about him. Was he really the great guy she thought he was? After all, the way he acts is hardly Christian like he claims to be. She also began to think about his son. Of course that little kid was insanely cute and awesome...but something was said to her that stuck in her mind. He told her he had dated a girl who was in the same situation as he was- single parent, small kid. And he said he grew to absolutely despise the child. His exact words were "I wanted to punch him in the nose". Which shocked her and kind of scared her. It made her wonder, though..would she grow to hate that little two year old? She thought of his angelic face and decided that she could never hate him...but it would surely be hard to accept that his son would come first, then his divorce, then his education, then his work...he really didn't have time for her. He treated her like shit now, does that mean he'd always treat her that way, even if he grew to love her?

She became depressed. Crying was her only release, so she spent a lot of time soaking her pillow with tears or sobbing in the shower, letting the warm water wash away her tears. She knew she was overreacting. She felt like she was going insane. She wasn't even dating this man yet he was ruling her life, tearing her apart, and finding a way to break her heart. She decided to forget about him.

The next day her friends bought massive amounts of alcohol. Alcohol had never been a form of comfort to her but she knew it worked for others. She decided to drown her pain with the burning feeling of whiskey rushing down her throat and the strong rubbing alcohol taste of vodka which made her skin tingle and become numb. For the first time she felt happy, but this didn't last long. She invited a close guy friend over, one whom she had liked before meeting the man she wanted. He was completely sober and stayed that way the entire night. But she was pretty and he apparently liked her because he pulled her onto his lap then onto the bed...she ended up making out with this guy. In the past she would have felt great. He was painfully beautiful. He had a slim, muscular figure, similar to the one she wanted minus the muscular part. His blond hair and pretty eyes were stunning...yet they didn't compare to the dark black hair and bright brown eyes of the other. She found herself even in her drunken state thinking only of HIM, not the guy she was with. His body wasn't right, he didn't hold her right, he didn't kiss her right..she figured out that he was nothing compared to HIM...how could she ever move on?

It hit her the next day that she made a mistake. She wasn't ready for another relationship or even another affair. She never wanted to do that again after she fell into HIS tragic trap...yet this was worse, she was drunk and she used a close friend for comfort that didn't even come. Her life was spiraling out of control.

She couldn't move on yet she knew she couldn't stay. Once again her tears stained her pillow as she thought about her options. Should she continue pursing the man that was breaking her heart, knowing that he would most likely continue? Or should she avoid men altogether, including him, and let her heart heal? She wanted the second one, but she doubted her heart would ever heal completely. It had been broken one too many times.