Smile For A Brand New Day
Today scared me out of my mind.
I was watching President Obama's Inauguration (sp?) and all I could think about was... everything.
He promises us change. He said that the full weight of his presidency will hit him in the first few days. But it's hit me, too. As soon as I heard that it hit me.
My life will never be the same.
Bush is gone, and whether you like it or not things are changing.
I was afraid. So many people that are "close to me" per se, were really pissed about the results of this election. I was afraid that they would take it out on me again. And they say that Obama will change the world, but will it be for the better?
He could save us all... Or we could all be killed.
But that's how it is with every new President, so why do we focus on Obama and the change he brings? Could it be because he promises change? Could it be because he is different in so many ways from all our other Presidents, both better and worse than all of them? Could it be because we are in such a trying time, and we are all afraid and just want to pin the blame on someone?
Whatever the reason, there will be change.
Not only with Obama, but with me too. I think I've become... different. A better person? A worse person? Who knows.
I do cry in public. I do have low self-esteem. I am suicidally depressed much of the time.
But then there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. And as alone as I feel, I've found that people really do care. So even though I all the things above may be true, they can't get me anymore.
Take, for example, the responses to my last blog:
If people rip on you, completely ignore them. You're better than that. And there's always going to be someone who cares. Heck, everyone who comments this blog cares, I promise you. If you're not getting good grades, it doesn't matter, so long as you're giving it your best shot. And like Dani said, that's a really unfair thing for your parents to do. Although it may be hard, be positive. You will get Michael back, and when you do, you'll feel really happy, and you'll make up for all the time he was gone. (:
skippy., January 20th, 2009 at 09:41:45pm
When those days turn into weeks and those weeks turn into months and those months turn into years, I'm sorry to say you might get used to it. I positive you mean no harm on the world, just your parents are unbelievable. Killing yourself would do you and especially everyone else that really cares about you no good. I for one, would terribly miss you, and so will Flynn. I promise. And for as your parents, something really bad would happen to them either now or later. And you who suffer all I can say is something that's bad always leads to something good, no matter how long it takes. Try not to kill yourself, you still have dreams to live for. I wish you the best of luck.
Spider Billie, January 20th, 2009 at 08:50:45pm
:/ awh hun.
that's totally unfair of them to do that to you.
but hey, life can royally suck ass sometimes.
and sometimes, parents really DON'T understand.
as for the self-esteem portion, I can totally relate.
those 'one of those days' is my every second of every day.
I won't get into how low my self esteem is, but I can't think of one thing that I like, that I'm good at. I can't even fathom the thought that I'm worth anything. Just thinking I might be anything but disgustingly hideous, fat, useless and a waste of space makes me gag because I feel it's so untrue. I understand how you feel with the self-esteem. I'm here if you'd like to talk. about anything. hang in there, and please don't try to kill yourself again. i've had many attempts, and in the end the suffering pays off and something good will happen. < 3
Bubble Wrap., January 20th, 2009 at 07:30:30pm
So that's changed for me. I don't feel so alone anymore. This blog is dedicated to those people, my other friends on GSB (maybe the real life ones too), and my best friend Flynn. Thanks for caring, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, and Thank You For The Venom!
What's the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I STAY.
I AM NOT AFRAID TO KEEP ON LIVING.
I AM NOT AFRAID TO WALK THIS WORLD ALONE.
HONEY, IF YOU STAY I'LL BE FORGIVEN...
NOTHING YOU CAN SAY CAN STOP ME GOING HOME.
I was watching President Obama's Inauguration (sp?) and all I could think about was... everything.
He promises us change. He said that the full weight of his presidency will hit him in the first few days. But it's hit me, too. As soon as I heard that it hit me.
My life will never be the same.
Bush is gone, and whether you like it or not things are changing.
I was afraid. So many people that are "close to me" per se, were really pissed about the results of this election. I was afraid that they would take it out on me again. And they say that Obama will change the world, but will it be for the better?
He could save us all... Or we could all be killed.
But that's how it is with every new President, so why do we focus on Obama and the change he brings? Could it be because he promises change? Could it be because he is different in so many ways from all our other Presidents, both better and worse than all of them? Could it be because we are in such a trying time, and we are all afraid and just want to pin the blame on someone?
Whatever the reason, there will be change.
Not only with Obama, but with me too. I think I've become... different. A better person? A worse person? Who knows.
I do cry in public. I do have low self-esteem. I am suicidally depressed much of the time.
But then there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. And as alone as I feel, I've found that people really do care. So even though I all the things above may be true, they can't get me anymore.
Take, for example, the responses to my last blog:
If people rip on you, completely ignore them. You're better than that. And there's always going to be someone who cares. Heck, everyone who comments this blog cares, I promise you. If you're not getting good grades, it doesn't matter, so long as you're giving it your best shot. And like Dani said, that's a really unfair thing for your parents to do. Although it may be hard, be positive. You will get Michael back, and when you do, you'll feel really happy, and you'll make up for all the time he was gone. (:
skippy., January 20th, 2009 at 09:41:45pm
When those days turn into weeks and those weeks turn into months and those months turn into years, I'm sorry to say you might get used to it. I positive you mean no harm on the world, just your parents are unbelievable. Killing yourself would do you and especially everyone else that really cares about you no good. I for one, would terribly miss you, and so will Flynn. I promise. And for as your parents, something really bad would happen to them either now or later. And you who suffer all I can say is something that's bad always leads to something good, no matter how long it takes. Try not to kill yourself, you still have dreams to live for. I wish you the best of luck.
Spider Billie, January 20th, 2009 at 08:50:45pm
:/ awh hun.
that's totally unfair of them to do that to you.
but hey, life can royally suck ass sometimes.
and sometimes, parents really DON'T understand.
as for the self-esteem portion, I can totally relate.
those 'one of those days' is my every second of every day.
I won't get into how low my self esteem is, but I can't think of one thing that I like, that I'm good at. I can't even fathom the thought that I'm worth anything. Just thinking I might be anything but disgustingly hideous, fat, useless and a waste of space makes me gag because I feel it's so untrue. I understand how you feel with the self-esteem. I'm here if you'd like to talk. about anything. hang in there, and please don't try to kill yourself again. i've had many attempts, and in the end the suffering pays off and something good will happen. < 3
Bubble Wrap., January 20th, 2009 at 07:30:30pm
So that's changed for me. I don't feel so alone anymore. This blog is dedicated to those people, my other friends on GSB (maybe the real life ones too), and my best friend Flynn. Thanks for caring, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, and Thank You For The Venom!
What's the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I STAY.
I AM NOT AFRAID TO KEEP ON LIVING.
I AM NOT AFRAID TO WALK THIS WORLD ALONE.
HONEY, IF YOU STAY I'LL BE FORGIVEN...
NOTHING YOU CAN SAY CAN STOP ME GOING HOME.
I'm so glad you're feeling better than before.
I know how difficult it is to think like this, so I'm so proud of you!
Keep hanging in there, things are getting better for you.
Keep your chin up, buttercup! < 3
Bubble Wrap., January 21st, 2009 at 06:39:20pm
I told you everything's gonna get better!
haha
I fell proud of you, no matter what you do. I just like it rub it in people's faces a little when I'm right. xD haha I'm not sure If I was right or not, I just feel better knowing you're changing.
Doesn't it suck to grow up?
Spider Billie, January 21st, 2009 at 06:18:53pm
I was surprised when I saw that you quoted me in this is. It makes me feel happy. And it's brilliant that you can see the good side of things. If you are changing, it's clearly for the better. :)
Skippy., January 21st, 2009 at 05:27:30am