Your opinions?
Ok everyone I'm trying this new thing called capitalizing my letters. I heard its all the rage...lol...Plus, I'm an English major...I should be more proud of my writing skills and good grammar...Well anyways, grammar is not the subject of this blog.
I have a tendency to write long blogs but I'm going to try to keep this short. Plus, I just wrote a huge blog on myspace so I'm kinda tired of writing. PLUS its five thirty in the morning and I have class at 8. So yeah. Here we go.
This weekend has been full of Chris McCoy. If you do not know who Chris McCoy is go look at my blogs, they are all about him...Chris McCoy is the guy who broke my heart...yet I still adore him. I know, I'm pathetic. But I've come to the realization that I think I love him. Yup, I love the jerk that used me and manipulated me and is still killing me to this very day.
I stayed up all night with Chris Friday and Saturday. Literally, we didn't go to bed until the sun was up. The first night he destroyed me. We sat and talked forever and laughed and smiled and had a great time until he decided to let me know he didn't want to come up to my room to go to sleep. He would rather sleep in a chair in the lobby of my residence hall which is totally and completely against the rules not to mention makes him look homeless than sleep in my bed, not even with me in it. All because he doesn't trust himself or me. Even after tearing me apart and telling me that messing around will never ever happen again between us he still thinks that when we are alone in a room with a bed we will end up doing that anyway. Essentially he doesn't want to be alone with me because he fears he can't control himself. Why does this break my heart? Because obviously even after everything he said he still has at least physical feelings for me. And it kills me because I want him so bad.
The second night, we had a fight about something I said on myspace about him, having to do with Friday night. My friend also decided to be a bitch and tell him that I hate him and think he's a prick. I'm sure that didn't help him like me more...Then we seemed to resolve that and he completely opened up to me. It shocked me because he hardly ever talks about serious things with me...He actually admitted that he wasn't taking his life and responsibilities seriously. He admitted to me that he doesn't want the responsibilities he has- meaning Noah his son, a divorce, and the life he must lead to take care of all the bills he has to pay and everything he has to do to support Noah and his divorce. He admitted that that's why he spends all his time playing Magic. He doesn't want to give up his immaturity and be an adult. I told him that he just needs to find a balance. He can't be all mature but he can't be this immature. He also talked a lot about God and quoted the bible for everything. He is unbelievable and broke my heart even more...I now see how much he struggles inwardly with himself and his faith...He also told me more about Jackie, his soon to be ex wife. He told me how she made him lose a lot of friends because she told everyone he was abusive. I know Chris would never ever hurt anyone, especially someone he loved...And he told me she slept around with lots of people...and he admitted that he didn't want Jackie sleeping with people until they were officially divorced..now he does it too, but now I think I know more of a reason he is trying to stay away from me...we have come so close to having sex and I'm the only one who can stop...he has no self control when it comes to that...
I miss him so much. I miss holding his hand, I miss falling asleep in his arms. When he talks like that I fall in love even more. He is so weak...and he's opening up to me...I learn more and more about Jackie all the time now. I don't think Chris talks about this stuff enough, he keeps it bottled up inside and I think its tormenting him. I want to be there for him, when he opens up to me I feel closer. I love him so much and its killing me that I can't be with him. I don't know what to do. I wish I had the answers, I wish God would show me what to do but I'm afraid to pray anymore because every single time I do Chris calls after wards. Maybe its a sign. I don't know. All I know is I keep trying to give up on Chris but I just can't. He breaks my heart then I fall in love all over again when I spend time with him...And I am always with him...But I can't hold his hand and I can't hug him and he is killing me every single day.
Sorry, I guess that was long...
I have a tendency to write long blogs but I'm going to try to keep this short. Plus, I just wrote a huge blog on myspace so I'm kinda tired of writing. PLUS its five thirty in the morning and I have class at 8. So yeah. Here we go.
This weekend has been full of Chris McCoy. If you do not know who Chris McCoy is go look at my blogs, they are all about him...Chris McCoy is the guy who broke my heart...yet I still adore him. I know, I'm pathetic. But I've come to the realization that I think I love him. Yup, I love the jerk that used me and manipulated me and is still killing me to this very day.
I stayed up all night with Chris Friday and Saturday. Literally, we didn't go to bed until the sun was up. The first night he destroyed me. We sat and talked forever and laughed and smiled and had a great time until he decided to let me know he didn't want to come up to my room to go to sleep. He would rather sleep in a chair in the lobby of my residence hall which is totally and completely against the rules not to mention makes him look homeless than sleep in my bed, not even with me in it. All because he doesn't trust himself or me. Even after tearing me apart and telling me that messing around will never ever happen again between us he still thinks that when we are alone in a room with a bed we will end up doing that anyway. Essentially he doesn't want to be alone with me because he fears he can't control himself. Why does this break my heart? Because obviously even after everything he said he still has at least physical feelings for me. And it kills me because I want him so bad.
The second night, we had a fight about something I said on myspace about him, having to do with Friday night. My friend also decided to be a bitch and tell him that I hate him and think he's a prick. I'm sure that didn't help him like me more...Then we seemed to resolve that and he completely opened up to me. It shocked me because he hardly ever talks about serious things with me...He actually admitted that he wasn't taking his life and responsibilities seriously. He admitted to me that he doesn't want the responsibilities he has- meaning Noah his son, a divorce, and the life he must lead to take care of all the bills he has to pay and everything he has to do to support Noah and his divorce. He admitted that that's why he spends all his time playing Magic. He doesn't want to give up his immaturity and be an adult. I told him that he just needs to find a balance. He can't be all mature but he can't be this immature. He also talked a lot about God and quoted the bible for everything. He is unbelievable and broke my heart even more...I now see how much he struggles inwardly with himself and his faith...He also told me more about Jackie, his soon to be ex wife. He told me how she made him lose a lot of friends because she told everyone he was abusive. I know Chris would never ever hurt anyone, especially someone he loved...And he told me she slept around with lots of people...and he admitted that he didn't want Jackie sleeping with people until they were officially divorced..now he does it too, but now I think I know more of a reason he is trying to stay away from me...we have come so close to having sex and I'm the only one who can stop...he has no self control when it comes to that...
I miss him so much. I miss holding his hand, I miss falling asleep in his arms. When he talks like that I fall in love even more. He is so weak...and he's opening up to me...I learn more and more about Jackie all the time now. I don't think Chris talks about this stuff enough, he keeps it bottled up inside and I think its tormenting him. I want to be there for him, when he opens up to me I feel closer. I love him so much and its killing me that I can't be with him. I don't know what to do. I wish I had the answers, I wish God would show me what to do but I'm afraid to pray anymore because every single time I do Chris calls after wards. Maybe its a sign. I don't know. All I know is I keep trying to give up on Chris but I just can't. He breaks my heart then I fall in love all over again when I spend time with him...And I am always with him...But I can't hold his hand and I can't hug him and he is killing me every single day.
Sorry, I guess that was long...
Even the Devil can quote scripture to fit his needs.
You need to take how he feels about his religion and BOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD. He knows that makes him sounds 'mature' and 'deep' to you.
He may not WANT the responsibility of a kid, but dammit, he has that!
You need to get away from this guy, even if only for a week.
Weak? He sure sounds it, but in a pathetic way. And all this stuff about his ex? Sounds like 'poor me, poor me' to me.
Do not date this man until you are sure you can handle it, and since you don't seem to think you can, STEP AWAY FROM THE VEHICLE WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
Go find a nice, sweet guy who isn't as emotionally needy and love them. They'd be more deserving, sweetheart.
TO BE DELETED, March 1st, 2009 at 04:55:55pm
Yeah I know what you mean. it's easier said than done to get over someone who broke your heart, you can be given every reason to hate them but you carry on loving them.
schooldropout, February 23rd, 2009 at 01:25:45pm
Thats what my friends tell me...and my family...everyone pretty much. But when I'm avoiding him I just feel even worse. I guess I just want to know why I'm not good enough for him and I'm trying to figure it out by sticking around.
suburban.zombie, February 23rd, 2009 at 01:20:50pm
Maybe you should stay away from him. No person who makes you feel like sh*t all the time is worth the heartache.
schooldropout, February 23rd, 2009 at 12:08:15pm