Shadows

I love hide and seek.

All my life I've loved hide and seek. No one ever found me. I blended in well with everything. Last year I went to a party and we played hide and seek. I quickly found a closet and hid inside. They opened that door, looked through every coat, searched the shelves and boxes... Everything. But they never found me. About an hour later I realized they forgot I was there. It hurt, but I wouldn't let myself know it. I plastered on a big grin and came out. "Hey, didjya miss me?" I asked, but I knew they didn't.

I love dress up.

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and not just for the candy. I love coming up with some elaborate costume. Once I was a vampirate. Once I was a pirate. Once I was a monster. Last year I was from the Black Parade. I wear my costumes at random intervals in the year, usually to school, and always on Halloween. I simply love dressing up as something I'm not. I love cosplaying, changing my entire personality and image, starting with a clean slate. I find a theme and roll with it.

I love the dark.

You can never see anything in the dark, really, unless you spend as much time as me in it. I'm so good at being in the dark, no one can see me. I hide in a dark corner and, despite my iridescent pale skin, blend right in with the shadows. With my shadows.

In my mind, there is hide and seek. I hide in closets and rarely come out. Sometimes I get found and sometimes I reveal myself to others. Neither happens often.

In my mind, I am nothing. I am simply whatever I want to be that day, that week, that month, that year. I am an ever-changing creature, never set in one place. I wear whatever costume my mind produces, unable to resist the siren call of make-believe. Even I barely know what lies under each costume my mind puts me in.

In my mind, the shadows rule all. There are darkened corridors that I just have to explore. I am always in the shadows. I make friends with my shadows, my darkness, my demons. It's more than coming to terms, it's becoming companions.

In real life, people think they know me. They think they see me for what I really am. They're stupid if they think they can have that honor, the one even I barely have. In real life, I am merely a shadow.

My real life intermingles with my mind. My dreams mirror my future. My inner self mirrors my ever-changing personality.

My eyes change color. Blue. Grey. Green. Blue-grey. Blue-green. Green-grey. Neon blue one day, dull grey the next. Bright blue-green one minute, dull green-grey the next. My eyes are my personality. They say the eyes are the gateway to the soul, to the person within. I believe that whole-heartedly, my ever-changing eyes mirroring my ever-changing soul.

In my mind, I am nothing. A ghost. A shadow.

In real life, I am nothing more. In real life, I am a ghost. A shadow.

Yes, I am a shadow.

And that's fine by me.