Dan's How To, Part 1: How To Lie

Lying is quite a hard thing to do. Most people aren't very good at it and most of the time get caught. So, here are some handy tips on how to easily lie.

1) Make Your Story Seem Dull
Why? Cause the truth always seems dull next to a lie.
Example:
Boss: Excuse me [insert name here] but why are you late?
You (Wrong): I was doing yoga this moning and got stuck in one of the poses, so i had to crawl next door for them to untie me.
You (Right) : I couldn't find my car keys so I had to walk.
Handy Hint: If you use the "i had to walk" one, look extremely tired. Oh and park far away from your place of employment haha.

2) Believe Your Story
Convince yourself that it's true, before you start trying to convince others. Forget what really happend if you have to, it helps.

3) Don't Use Too Much Detail
Cause it would seem forced and fake. No one remember's everthing, so don't pretend to. But still, don't leave out too much.
You: My dog lept onto the table and stole my car keys and lunch then ran into the backyard, where he ate it all.
You: The dog ATE my keys, and my lunch, b*****d.

4) If You Do Get Caught...
Admit to fault, and (buh buh buuuhhh) tell another lie! But make it slightly similar to your original lie, maybe changing the big event, but keeping the small events. Example:
You: (original lie) The traffic was backed up something chronic and i had to go the long way home
You: (New lie) Okay, fine, the traffic wasn't backed up, but I wanted to check out this new shop, which ment I still had to go the long way home.

5) Lastly, DON'T PANIC!
Yes, this handy hint from Hitchhikers Guide is applied to lying. Act clam and natural, keep eye contact (unless, you usually don't keep eye contact.) And maybe throw in some charm, mabey a joke or two and be nice, unless you're not usually nice...


So, next time you've left your homework at home, or have done something wrong but don't want to own up you are set with your handy knowledge on
How To Lie

Next Time...
How To Sell Anything!
Posted on October 31st, 2009 at 10:51pm

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