You. Yes, You

You're never going to read this. You have absolutely no idea that this site even exists .

So I'm just going to write down things that I may or may not have told you. Because I have to get it out.
You are defiant. You're defiant because I am an incorrigible pessimist and yet you've been with me for six months. To me, this is huge, You defied the cynic inside me who laughed and said, don't get your hopes up, little girl, this will last 1 month, tops. I expected nothing and got a hell of a lot more than that. Thank you.
You can always improve my mood. I'm always scared that my pessimism will push people away, so I try to keep it under control, but I know I'm a complainer. I really appreciate your constant optimism, and I try to let you know. I don't even know yet if I passed Cal 1 but you really made me feel like it was possible.
You're such a goofball. You have no idea how cute I think it is when you do that little happy dance, or try to beat me to the end of the block, or suggest a sledding race then try to cheat, like a 10 year old.
You're confusing. Most of the time I have no idea what you're thinking and I can't stand it. I'm an analytical person, and my mind goes a mile a minute wondering what your REALLY think about what I just said. Sometimes you're clear. But there are a lot of times when I really think you could care less, but then again, maybe you're just as terrified of this as I am.
You're so sincere. I'm pretty sure that you aren't the type to give empty compliments, and they really mean a lot to me. I'll smile to myself hours later when I remember some things you say.
I don't know. I don't know if you're as into this as I think you are. Like I said, I'm a cynic. I expect the worse. But I can still hope.
I could go on and on but I don't want to let myself, that would be putting myself too out in the open.
Like I said, you will never read this.
But maybe some day I can tell you.