'What is stress?

Stress is simply a fact of nature -- forces from the outside world affecting the individual.'

Forces are affecting me, all right.

To start off, tomorrow morning I have a debate to participate in. Debates are a huge thing in the AP English / History Combo class I'm in, and freshmen, sophomores, and juniors participate in it. My score is worth four major test grades for both class. My group of four sophomores is going against a group of juniors. Debates are held Thursday [tomorrow] and Friday, first and second period.

Of course, I get to go first thing tomorrow morning. Not to mention that I'm the only girl in my class who has her speech memorized, and I'm the opening speech. I set the stage for /everyone./ Knowing me I'll get up to the podium and forget everything. Also, the school's superintendant and two 11/12 principals are judging. Great.

I get to choose the classes I'm going to take next year later this month. Pretty much at this point I have two options: do nothing with my life or become an elementary school teacher. Nothing else in the least interests me. My PSAT scores were amazing and I take AP courses. But I really don't want to do anything... I want to get married to my boyfriend -Ryan- of like ever and that's about it. And then pop out some kids or something somewhere along the line. We've been best friends since we were tiny childrens and something's telling me this won't change.

But I don't want to be fucked if things do change.

There's a new course in my school that allows you to go out fifth, sixth, and seventh period and work in a pre-school and such. I'd get college credits towards this elementary education degree I'll need.

But then I'll be stuck in my AP combo class first and second period, have Trig 3rd, and Chem 4th. I don't want that but oh well. I lose all my other electives, including gym.

I also am an insomniac. No, really. I haven't had enough time to devote to sleep to take my medications lately either. I've gotten 11 hours of sleep since Sunday night. I'm kinda behind where I should be, which is around 24 hours. This is partly because I have this thing called Formspring, where people can write anonymous crap to you and the world can see it. So lately my immature ex who is jealous as shit of Ryan has gotten all of his buddies together and harassed me through it. I delete them, but still. I hate hearing my flaws over and over.

Sometimes I wish this could all end. I just hate the feeling of having so much stuff going on. And when I tell my friends about it I feel like I'm complaining. I don't even know what to do anymore.
Posted on March 3rd, 2010 at 05:02pm


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