less is more except when it comes to mistakes

So while I've been pregnant I've had to put up with something I shouldn't have had to deal with ever; cheating. My boyfriend went to basic training and AIT for the army while I've been pregnant. He got home December 15, 2010. He moved in immediately when he got home. He started working January 1, 2011 at a place he worked previously. I went through his facebook messages and found a message sent to an army girl he had met. I didn't read her response.

When confronted, he lied about it. He said his friend wrote it to her and they had talked back and forth. Stupid me, I believed him. About two weeks ago I was curious what the response was. I looked through his messages and had my heart completely shattered. She responded saying she loved him and stated his name, not his friends. My whole body ached and I cried hysterically. I asked my parents to help me make it stop hurting, I begged myself to stop thinking about it. But I couldn't, and I can't, stop thinking about it.It hurts more because he had wrote that she was the most amazing woman he'd ever met and the only reason they couldn't be together was her boyfriend. He had completely forgotten his son and I. It kills me.

I also found another message he'd sent to his ex girlfriend on October 19, 2010. Four days after we'd found out the sex of our baby. He'd told her how perfect her body was, how much he missed her and that he was in love with her and didn't know what to do. Before I got pregnant I'd struggled with an eating disorder and I've NEVER felt comfortable with my body. Being pregnant, I have to eat. I have to gain weight. I have to take care of my son first. I have to put aside my personal feelings about my body. That killed me reading that message. She's perfect and I'm not. I'll never look like her. And I honestly don't want to. I don't think she's that attractive. But regardless, I'll never be what he wants.

He apologized and we're trying to work on our relationship. He says he loves me and only me but I can't shake this feeling. I don't know what to do. I'm only staying with him so I can tell my son one day that I tried for him. Even if it's killing me everyday to come home to him, to lay in bed with him, to pretend nothing happened. It's killing me inside. But I feel like I owe it to my son to try. I don't know what to do. It hurts so bad. Molly
Posted on February 21st, 2011 at 02:28pm

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