It's not worth the cut (unless you see blood)

it's not worth the cut
unless you see blood
it's not worth the time
if there's no red on the knife
it's not worth the screaming & crying
unless your screaming & crying & bleeding

when you press the knife down
on skin of pale white
and rock it back & forth
until you see red
rising up from pale flesh
then it's worth the cut
because of the dark & sticky blood

i sit in the Wal-Mart bathroom
& cut
i sit in the library bathroom
& cut
i sit in front of music on my computer
& cut to the pain in their metallic voices

4 years i've wasted on scratches & nicks
4 years i've wasted on faded scars
4 years i've wasted on coat hangers & thumb tacks
in 2 weeks i've discovered the joy of a cut
in 2 weeks i've discovered the beauty of blood
in 2 weeks i found my reflection in the knife

hidden among the cigarettes i smoke in pain
hidden among the washcloth that hides the blood
hidden among the pills that i use so wrongly & so right
hidden among the make up that hides my eyes
hidden among scraps of paper covered in lines
hidden in my purse you'll find the knife

my skin is raw & red & scabbed
you can hear the pride in my voice
"it only took 1 cut this time"
i cut new flesh that's smooth & pale & pure
you can hear the disappointment in my voice
"it took 3 FUCKING cuts this time!"

i don't know why i started this time
i don't feel fat & my life was going fine
i had friends & a therapist thist ime
but then one day there was yelling & fights
and i stabbled my wrists, smokes needed a light
& i tried pills & a knife for the first time
and i still don't know what's so wrong with my life

That's sooooo cool.
I love it.

mmm...i really liked it, i especially liked the last bit..
it may be a little 2 obsesive of the topic but its still good.

Ugh.

ooohh i should have said this....
in the end of your stanzaz in the beginning you kept on saying blood and then the rest of the way it kep popping up...try to use it less...

Ella:

Ugh.

It just doesn't seem to have anything genuine... it reads like another cutter/suicide poem. It's just bland and unoriginal.

And too whiney. It really is. I guess it could be improved, but the genre is much of a muchness, and there isn't much space to improve.

international_idiot:

Ella:

Ugh.

It just doesn't seem to have anything genuine... it reads like another cutter/suicide poem. It's just bland and unoriginal.

And too whiney. It really is. I guess it could be improved, but the genre is much of a muchness, and there isn't much space to improve.

OMG I FOUND ANOTHER HIM PERSON!!!.....
sry, can't help myself

I really like it!
Especialy the last bit!

Teh Coolest Mohican....:

Ella:

Ugh.

Give her some critisim at least, don't just go 'ugh'.


She could improve it!

Okay. If you say so ma'am.

- Writing about this topic is difficult because it requires originality. You need to have some serious talent to turn it into something decent, since in most cases it's just plain cliché.

- You did it so superficially, with no attention to detail, no metaphores, no nothing.

when you press the knife down
on skin of pale white
and rock it back & forth
until you see red
rising up from pale flesh
then it's worth the cut
because of the dark & sticky blood

If you think that's poetry you've got another thing coming, miss.
Yes, I'm brutally honest.

- You were using repetition all wrong.

- You have no capital letters, except the caps lock "FUCKING" which also happens to be bolded. Was that the most important thing you were pointing out somehow? You don't need caps lock or bold to make a point... Shame.

Please, practice some more, I'm sure you can do it if you only try. Now bite my head off. This is the most honest review you'll get here. Hopefully I'll be seeing you around when you improve some more. No hard feelings.

Ella:

Teh Coolest Mohican....:

Ella:

Ugh.

Give her some critisim at least, don't just go 'ugh'.


She could improve it!

Okay. If you say so ma'am.

- Writing about this topic is difficult because it requires originality. You need to have some serious talent to turn it into something decent, since in most cases it's just plain cliché.

- You did it so superficially, with no attention to detail, no metaphores, no nothing.

when you press the knife down
on skin of pale white
and rock it back & forth
until you see red
rising up from pale flesh
then it's worth the cut
because of the dark & sticky blood

If you think that's poetry you've got another thing coming, miss.
Yes, I'm brutally honest.

- You were using repetition all wrong.

- You have no capital letters, except the caps lock "FUCKING" which also happens to be bolded. Was that the most important thing you were pointing out somehow? You don't need caps lock or bold to make a point... Shame.

Please, practice some more, I'm sure you can do it if you only try. Now bite my head off. This is the most honest review you'll get here. Hopefully I'll be seeing you around when you improve some more. No hard feelings.

i agree with you, i just wouldn't be so mean about it...
and maybe she's yousing fucking in bold and caps because she screamed it.....

razzledgirl:

i agree with you, i just wouldn't be so mean about it...
and maybe she's yousing fucking in bold and caps because she screamed it.....

"I don't gotta to be false or sugarcoated at all."
Original vocabulary is the loudest scream of them all.

i do like it. its another cutting poem but whatever

Ella:

razzledgirl:

i agree with you, i just wouldn't be so mean about it...
and maybe she's yousing fucking in bold and caps because she screamed it.....

"I don't gotta to be false or sugarcoated at all."
Original vocabulary is the loudest scream of them all.

yah i know...but maybe she hasn't done poems for that long...

razzledgirl:

Ella:

razzledgirl:

i agree with you, i just wouldn't be so mean about it...
and maybe she's yousing fucking in bold and caps because she screamed it.....

"I don't gotta to be false or sugarcoated at all."
Original vocabulary is the loudest scream of them all.

yah i know...but maybe she hasn't done poems for that long...

Even better. More time to improve.

I agree with Ella

TreCoolistsogeil:

I agree with Ella

Me too. And of course, we can't forget Ellen who gave her fair opinion as well.

Ella:

razzledgirl:

Ella:

razzledgirl:

i agree with you, i just wouldn't be so mean about it...
and maybe she's yousing fucking in bold and caps because she screamed it.....

"I don't gotta to be false or sugarcoated at all."
Original vocabulary is the loudest scream of them all.

yah i know...but maybe she hasn't done poems for that long...

Even better. More time to improve.

YEP

I didnt think it was great
As Ella said this is a hard topic
it kind of lacked originality

the repetition was a little strange
but I'd say if you try and keep practising you'll sound good

do u wanna suicide yourself or what!!just kidding, nice job

I've actually been writing for the past 11 years.

I don't like to capitalize the letters in my poems. I think it makes to into something formal rather than something that just spills from me.

I didn't sit down and write this poem to make something beautiful with twisted imagery and beautiful stanzas.

I wrote this song while I was cutting, popping pills, contemplating suicide, etc.

So that's where it came from. Cliche as it may be.

At least I understand it.