Different Sides of You
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| swoon- Post Whore  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 1 000 000  | Not really a poem. More like a song. But like. I guess it's the same thing  Different Sides of You [Verse 1] Clear away this messy table In a way, you're too unstable You say, you say When will life go back to normal, Dress up nicely, oh-so formal, I say, I say [Pre-Chorus] So between the good, and between the bad, From the buried, to the denim-clad Some days slow, and some days fast, You've got to let the good times pass. [Chorus] What we lose and what we find, Let's find a way to turn back time, And come what may, what goes without, The slightest feel of doubt. [Verse 2] While your soul is running wild, Like the heart of a frightened child, You pray, you pray. So siphon off my deepest feelings Force of pressure, left me reeling, I pray, I pray. [Pre-Chorus] After all these views on all these lives, In the reflections of these sharpened knives, I can finally see, so true, The different sides of you. [Chorus] What we lose and what we find, Let's find a way to turn back time, And come what may, what goes without, The slightest feel of doubt. Comments?  |
| davey jones. Falling In Love With The Board  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 7018  | Oh, I loved it! Seriously, I really adore this because it gives me the feelings of two people in a relationship...that find out who each other really are. You know? Only one thing I would change is 'ever so formal' to 'oh so formal'. It flows better to me. Good job!  |
| swoon- Post Whore Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 1 000 000 | A Melancholy Winter: I'll change it. And thanks =] |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | |
| Misanthropist Post Whore  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 23279 | |
| Deernt. Rotting On Here  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 48258 | I can't choose a certain stanza like I always do with other poems because I loved the whole thing! You certainly know how to keep your audience content with the content of the reading. It was excellent and I loved it. YAY.  |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | I pretty much agree with the others. And I really like your phrasing and you have some good metaphors there (like: “While your soul is running wild, Like the heart of a frightened child”). You did a good job with the rhyming scheme. You didn’t make it blunt or forced and you stuck by the subject. Excellent! This is the only forced/blunt rhyme I could find: So between the good, and between the bad In the reflections of these sharpened knives, If you look at the umber of syllables in each row you’ll find that almost follows a pattern, and that’s why it flows so well and doesn’t seem choppy. But you’ll also find two rows with a (much) higher amount of syllables. Now, I don’t care much for counting syllables when writing to make the flow nice but the two are connected. So don’t start counting syllables in your lyrics but read it aloud and you’ll be able to hear if it sounds good or not. [Verse 1] 8 8 4 8 8 4 [Pre-Chorus] 10 9 7 8 [Chorus] 7 8 9 6 [Verse 2] 7 9 8 9 8 8 [Pre-Chorus] 8 12 8 8 [Chorus] 7 8 8 6 |
| newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495 |
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