Feelings And Scars Are Permanent (Sequel to Why Do Bad Things Always Happen To Us?), chapter 2
Billie Joe and I stopped kissing because of the bus. We all got in, Billie Joe and Mike and I, and sat near the door. I was going to Billie Joe's house but Mike wasn't. But we were all going the same way because Mike and Billie Joe lived close.
Once we finally reached near Billie Joe's house we said goodbye to Mike and began walking to Billie Joe's house holding hands. Billie Joe was the sweetest guy anyone could ever have. He really cared for me and treated me good. I was so happy when he was around.
We entered Billie's house and sat on the living room couch. No one would be home because his mom had left for a few weeks because of family problems. It was nice being alone with Billie Joe. We were watching TV and nothing was on.
"Shit, there's nothing on!" I groaned.
"I know." Billie Joe agreed. "Only stupid commercials."
I rested my head on Billie Joe's shoulder as he put his arm around me. He leaned down and kissed the side of my face a few times. He slowly made his way to my earlobe. I giggled as he did this.
"Billie Joe.." I said giggling.
"What? You don't like it when I nibble on your ear? Or nibble on your neck.." He said as he began to nibble on my neck.
I let out a slight moan and giggle.
"Someones full of fun tonight." I said looking at him.
"That's what you like." He said with a mischevious grin on his face.
"What do you have up your sleeve?" I said.
"That's for me to know and for you.. to find out." He said as he continued nibbling and kissing on my neck.
I pulled away and placed my lips upon his. All my lips wanted were his. All I wanted was to feel his soft lips on my lips. On my skin.
He began deepening the kiss as I held back a smile. I helped deepen the kiss as I slipped my tongue passed my lips and his and began to play with a massage his tongue. He did the same to me. He pushed my body down on the couch as he crawled on top of me and continued kissing me. We've never had sex but have gotten pretty close.
We never push eachother and if the other doesn't want to then that's fine. We've never seen eachother naked either. We've seen eachother in our under though. He can be so "naughty" at times. But, I enjoy that. I can be pretty naughty myself. And it's no secret that he enjoys that as well.
He pulled away from our kiss for a breath as I took a breath as well and then the kissing continued. His hand moved from my cheek to my boob as he groped it. I moaned.
"Ooo, naughty boy." I said as I bit his lip.
"I know what you like." He said, squeezing my boob but not too hard.
I moaned once again.
Billie Joe kissed me slightly on the lips before going back to my neck. He went back to my lips though and squeezed my boob even harder, but this time in a painful way causing me to moan louder in painful pleasure.
"Oo.. such a bad boy." I said and bit down on his tongue and lip hard.
"Speak for yourself." Billie Joe said, refering to me playing with his ass.
"I can't help it that I love your ass." I said as I spanked it.
We both began to laugh as Billie Joe just lay upon me.
"I love you." He said as he looked into my eyes with those green emeralds.
"I love you too." I said as he gave me a light kiss on the lips.
We were both tired from the day and fell asleep on the couch. Yes, with Billie Joe still upon me.
****
A few hours later I awoke to seeing black hair out of the corner of my eye. Billie Joe was laying on top of me still asleep with his head a little higher than my shoulder so right next to my head. I kissed his head and closed my eyes again. I couldn't do much because not only was he on me but his arms were kind of holidng me as well as they could since we were both laying down.
Billie Joe stirred a little bit and rolled off me onto the floor. He didn't seem bothered too much. The couch wasn't very high anyway. I just laughed a little to myself and put the blanket that was on the couch on Billie Joe and rolled over facing the couch. I had my sweater on so I was fine. I yawned and closed my eyes, slowly drifting into sleep once again.
****
"Steph, get up." I heard someone familiar say.
"Wha..?" I said with my eyes still closed.
"Steph, get up. It's Billie. I wanna talk to you." Billie Joe said.
I opened my eyes and got up and saw Billie Joe sitting next to the couch.
"What is it?" I said yawning.
"I hate you." He simply said.
"What?" I said, astonished.
"I... hate.. you." He said again. "I hate you. I hate you! I hate you!"
"But, why?!" I yelled standing up.
"I hate you so much! I don't love you! I fucking hate you! I hope you die! Fucking die! Die! Die!" He screamed.
I thought I was going to die. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I seriously stopped breathing. I couldn't breath at all. I loved Billie Joe to death and he was screaming he hated me and wanted me to die. I think I was going to die.
"No. Stop it! Billie please!" I pleated falling to the floor crying histaricly. "No! I love you! What the fuck is going on?!"
"Go away!! I can't take seeing you everyday when I don't love you!" He yelled again.
I was on the ground holding my chest because I couldn't breath. I got up and ran to the kitchen and fell on the floor sobbing. I could still hear him yelling from the living room.
"Go away, please! I don't want you, anymore!" I couldn't stand this insanity.
Why? Why was he saying this shit. Was it true? Did he actually not love me nor did he want me anymore?
I sat on the floor on my knees not crying but just staring at the ground. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything. I could barely see anything. Everything was blurry.
I got up and walked over to the slide open window door and looked through it. I slammed my fist into it causing it to shatter. My hand was bleeding now but I couldn't feel anything. I kept hitting the glass til it was all broken. My hands were bleeding extremely bad but I didn't give a shit.
I began writing 'sorry' all over the kitchen with my blood. And carving I love you into the table with the glass.
"Sorry, I love you. Sorry, I love you. Sorry, I love you. Sorry....I love." I said continuously.
I wanted to stop. But I couldn't. I couldn't stop saying it nor could I stop writing it. Suddenly, I didn't even know where I was. I wasn't in Billie Joe's kitchen anymore. I was in this bright white room.
I was laying on the ground in a white gown. A hospital gown?! Was I in the hospital? For what? I finally could hear and feel everything. I could hear whispers. All I could feel was cold and pain. I felt horrible pains shooting from my arms.
I looked at them.
My arms were bandaged and I could see a few stitches sneaking out from under the bandage. Then my head began to hurt as everything came back.
"Ahhhh!!!!" I screamed.
All I could hear was a high pitched ring pounding into my head. I felt as if I was banging my head against the wall. I was running back and forth from the wall and I fell and hit my head on the ground as it began bleeding. I felt my head and now I had more blood on my head. My vision began to blur from loss of blood. I grew tired and eventually just fell on the floor.
****
A few hours later I woke up in a white room but on a bed. I was strapped down to it good with a Ivy being pumped into my arm. I saw police and doctors outside my room.
"She's really lost it, doc." The police officer said.
"I believe so. She can't stop hurting herself and others. She's already killed her boyfriend." The doctor said.
What?! What the fuck?! I didn't kill him! I didn't touch him! I haven't seen him since he began screaming that he hated me.
"Noooooooo!!!!!" I began screaming with tears coming down my face.
I began to shake the bed trying to get free. The doctors and police officers held me down as they searched for something.
"I didn't kill him! I didn't touch him! He said he fucking hated me. Hated me. Didn't love me! Why?! Why? Why?! Oh fuck.." I said.
I was again crying histaricly. I couldn't stop. I wanted to die so bad. Just die. Then and there.
One of the doctors found a shot and stuck it into my arm and ejected me with something that hurt so bad.
"Ahh, fuck! GO AWAY! LET ME DIE!" I screamed in agony.
Why didn't they just let me die?!
"Stephany! Stop it!" The doctor screamed.
I don't know what it was they put into me but it wasn't working. I was just going crazy. Suddenly, I don't know who the hell it was who did it, but I got something bashed against my head.
That was officially the end. I didn't know where I went but I was gone.
****
"Steph!" I heard Billie Joe scream as he wrapped his arms around me. "Steph, calm down!
I was again, crying.
"No! Please, don't kill me. No. I don't wanna die. I love you! Why don't you love me?!" I screamed struggling to break free.
"Stephany! It's me! Billie Joe!" He said.
"No, they said I killed you! They said that, they did! You hate me you! I love you so much! But you don't!" I screamed still crying and struggling.
"Stephany! I love you! It's me Billie Joe. I'm alive and I love you. What the fuck is going on?!" He yelled holding me tighter.
"I.. they said.. I killed you. But I didn't. And the blood and pain." I said, calming down. "The glass and the sorry I love you. It wouldn't stop. It happened it was so real."
"Stephany. I'm alive and I love you. I love you so much. God, I love you. And it didn't happen. It was a dream. I love you." He said.
"What? Then, what? It was a dream? What the fuck. It was a nightmare. Oh god. It was horrible." I said as I cried into his shoulder.
What the hell kind of dream is that. It was such a nightmare. Why did I dream that? Where did that come from? Why did that happen?
I fell asleep crying in his arms. But this time I had no dreams. I was so thankful. I couldn't handle a dream like that.
****
I finally awoke on Billie Joe's bed. He must have placed me here once I had fallen asleep. I rolled over to my side to see Billie Joe's face. He was sleeping in the bed with me. I couldn't help but smile and kiss him on the head. He stirred a little and opened his eyes and looked at me with a smile.
"Hey. How're you now?" He said.
"I'm better." I said kissing him on the lips.
"Oo, you must be better." He said, pulling me closer to him.
"Well, you make me feel better."
"Indeed I do I suppose."
I laughed.
"You are so corny." I said.
"Off by one letter." He said with a mischevious grin
"Billie Joe!" I said laughing.
He laughed as well but stopped. He rolled over on top of me and bent down, kissing me on the lips.
"Billie Joe you are too horny and too naughty for you own good." I said as I deepened our kiss.
Suddenly, Mike and Tre walked in, of course. We've known Tre for about 3 years. He was the drummer of Billie Joe's and Mike's band.
"Oh.. uh, hey guys." Billie Joe said as he attempted to get off the bed but actually just fell off. I grabbed the sheets and covered myself up and stuck my hand out the covers and waved.
"Hey." I said, my voice muffled by the sheets.
"Oh, uh, sorry, Billie. Sorry Steph. We'll just.. see our way out." Mike said walking out the door.
Tre just stood there smiling. Mike walked back in and grabbed Tre.
"Come on your horny fuck." Mike said.
I took the covers off my head and sighed. Billie Joe got up and rubbed his head.
"We'll never hear the end of this." He said.
"It's not like we were naked! I still have cloths on and so do you!" I said.
"Well, I know but, still." He said as I got out of the bed.
"Steph, are you okay?" He said.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Because what I saw earlier was pretty scary."
"I know. It was just a nightmare though. Nothing real. Thank God." I said.
"Are you surey you're okay?" He said, again.
"Yes." I said kissing his forehead. "Now let's go find Tre and Mike. Not that that should be too hard."
We both laughed and head downstairs to find Tre and Mike talking on the couch and drinking some pop.
"Hello you two." Tre said.
"Shut up, Tre." I said laughing and sitting in a chair.
I stole Tre's pop which he hadn't opened yet and laughed.
"Damn you! I wanted that bad!" He said.
"Bite me!" I said laughing.
He got up and bit me and I pushed him to the ground.
"What the fuck!!" I yelled.
"Hey!" Billie Joe said. "That's my job."
We all laughed.
"So were you guys having fun when we interveened." Tre said.
"Wow, I didn't know you knew big words like that." I said.
"Nevertheless. Were you?"
I laughed, blushed, and looked down.
Once we finally reached near Billie Joe's house we said goodbye to Mike and began walking to Billie Joe's house holding hands. Billie Joe was the sweetest guy anyone could ever have. He really cared for me and treated me good. I was so happy when he was around.
We entered Billie's house and sat on the living room couch. No one would be home because his mom had left for a few weeks because of family problems. It was nice being alone with Billie Joe. We were watching TV and nothing was on.
"Shit, there's nothing on!" I groaned.
"I know." Billie Joe agreed. "Only stupid commercials."
I rested my head on Billie Joe's shoulder as he put his arm around me. He leaned down and kissed the side of my face a few times. He slowly made his way to my earlobe. I giggled as he did this.
"Billie Joe.." I said giggling.
"What? You don't like it when I nibble on your ear? Or nibble on your neck.." He said as he began to nibble on my neck.
I let out a slight moan and giggle.
"Someones full of fun tonight." I said looking at him.
"That's what you like." He said with a mischevious grin on his face.
"What do you have up your sleeve?" I said.
"That's for me to know and for you.. to find out." He said as he continued nibbling and kissing on my neck.
I pulled away and placed my lips upon his. All my lips wanted were his. All I wanted was to feel his soft lips on my lips. On my skin.
He began deepening the kiss as I held back a smile. I helped deepen the kiss as I slipped my tongue passed my lips and his and began to play with a massage his tongue. He did the same to me. He pushed my body down on the couch as he crawled on top of me and continued kissing me. We've never had sex but have gotten pretty close.
We never push eachother and if the other doesn't want to then that's fine. We've never seen eachother naked either. We've seen eachother in our under though. He can be so "naughty" at times. But, I enjoy that. I can be pretty naughty myself. And it's no secret that he enjoys that as well.
He pulled away from our kiss for a breath as I took a breath as well and then the kissing continued. His hand moved from my cheek to my boob as he groped it. I moaned.
"Ooo, naughty boy." I said as I bit his lip.
"I know what you like." He said, squeezing my boob but not too hard.
I moaned once again.
Billie Joe kissed me slightly on the lips before going back to my neck. He went back to my lips though and squeezed my boob even harder, but this time in a painful way causing me to moan louder in painful pleasure.
"Oo.. such a bad boy." I said and bit down on his tongue and lip hard.
"Speak for yourself." Billie Joe said, refering to me playing with his ass.
"I can't help it that I love your ass." I said as I spanked it.
We both began to laugh as Billie Joe just lay upon me.
"I love you." He said as he looked into my eyes with those green emeralds.
"I love you too." I said as he gave me a light kiss on the lips.
We were both tired from the day and fell asleep on the couch. Yes, with Billie Joe still upon me.
****
A few hours later I awoke to seeing black hair out of the corner of my eye. Billie Joe was laying on top of me still asleep with his head a little higher than my shoulder so right next to my head. I kissed his head and closed my eyes again. I couldn't do much because not only was he on me but his arms were kind of holidng me as well as they could since we were both laying down.
Billie Joe stirred a little bit and rolled off me onto the floor. He didn't seem bothered too much. The couch wasn't very high anyway. I just laughed a little to myself and put the blanket that was on the couch on Billie Joe and rolled over facing the couch. I had my sweater on so I was fine. I yawned and closed my eyes, slowly drifting into sleep once again.
****
"Steph, get up." I heard someone familiar say.
"Wha..?" I said with my eyes still closed.
"Steph, get up. It's Billie. I wanna talk to you." Billie Joe said.
I opened my eyes and got up and saw Billie Joe sitting next to the couch.
"What is it?" I said yawning.
"I hate you." He simply said.
"What?" I said, astonished.
"I... hate.. you." He said again. "I hate you. I hate you! I hate you!"
"But, why?!" I yelled standing up.
"I hate you so much! I don't love you! I fucking hate you! I hope you die! Fucking die! Die! Die!" He screamed.
I thought I was going to die. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I seriously stopped breathing. I couldn't breath at all. I loved Billie Joe to death and he was screaming he hated me and wanted me to die. I think I was going to die.
"No. Stop it! Billie please!" I pleated falling to the floor crying histaricly. "No! I love you! What the fuck is going on?!"
"Go away!! I can't take seeing you everyday when I don't love you!" He yelled again.
I was on the ground holding my chest because I couldn't breath. I got up and ran to the kitchen and fell on the floor sobbing. I could still hear him yelling from the living room.
"Go away, please! I don't want you, anymore!" I couldn't stand this insanity.
Why? Why was he saying this shit. Was it true? Did he actually not love me nor did he want me anymore?
I sat on the floor on my knees not crying but just staring at the ground. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything. I could barely see anything. Everything was blurry.
I got up and walked over to the slide open window door and looked through it. I slammed my fist into it causing it to shatter. My hand was bleeding now but I couldn't feel anything. I kept hitting the glass til it was all broken. My hands were bleeding extremely bad but I didn't give a shit.
I began writing 'sorry' all over the kitchen with my blood. And carving I love you into the table with the glass.
"Sorry, I love you. Sorry, I love you. Sorry, I love you. Sorry....I love." I said continuously.
I wanted to stop. But I couldn't. I couldn't stop saying it nor could I stop writing it. Suddenly, I didn't even know where I was. I wasn't in Billie Joe's kitchen anymore. I was in this bright white room.
I was laying on the ground in a white gown. A hospital gown?! Was I in the hospital? For what? I finally could hear and feel everything. I could hear whispers. All I could feel was cold and pain. I felt horrible pains shooting from my arms.
I looked at them.
My arms were bandaged and I could see a few stitches sneaking out from under the bandage. Then my head began to hurt as everything came back.
"Ahhhh!!!!" I screamed.
All I could hear was a high pitched ring pounding into my head. I felt as if I was banging my head against the wall. I was running back and forth from the wall and I fell and hit my head on the ground as it began bleeding. I felt my head and now I had more blood on my head. My vision began to blur from loss of blood. I grew tired and eventually just fell on the floor.
****
A few hours later I woke up in a white room but on a bed. I was strapped down to it good with a Ivy being pumped into my arm. I saw police and doctors outside my room.
"She's really lost it, doc." The police officer said.
"I believe so. She can't stop hurting herself and others. She's already killed her boyfriend." The doctor said.
What?! What the fuck?! I didn't kill him! I didn't touch him! I haven't seen him since he began screaming that he hated me.
"Noooooooo!!!!!" I began screaming with tears coming down my face.
I began to shake the bed trying to get free. The doctors and police officers held me down as they searched for something.
"I didn't kill him! I didn't touch him! He said he fucking hated me. Hated me. Didn't love me! Why?! Why? Why?! Oh fuck.." I said.
I was again crying histaricly. I couldn't stop. I wanted to die so bad. Just die. Then and there.
One of the doctors found a shot and stuck it into my arm and ejected me with something that hurt so bad.
"Ahh, fuck! GO AWAY! LET ME DIE!" I screamed in agony.
Why didn't they just let me die?!
"Stephany! Stop it!" The doctor screamed.
I don't know what it was they put into me but it wasn't working. I was just going crazy. Suddenly, I don't know who the hell it was who did it, but I got something bashed against my head.
That was officially the end. I didn't know where I went but I was gone.
****
"Steph!" I heard Billie Joe scream as he wrapped his arms around me. "Steph, calm down!
I was again, crying.
"No! Please, don't kill me. No. I don't wanna die. I love you! Why don't you love me?!" I screamed struggling to break free.
"Stephany! It's me! Billie Joe!" He said.
"No, they said I killed you! They said that, they did! You hate me you! I love you so much! But you don't!" I screamed still crying and struggling.
"Stephany! I love you! It's me Billie Joe. I'm alive and I love you. What the fuck is going on?!" He yelled holding me tighter.
"I.. they said.. I killed you. But I didn't. And the blood and pain." I said, calming down. "The glass and the sorry I love you. It wouldn't stop. It happened it was so real."
"Stephany. I'm alive and I love you. I love you so much. God, I love you. And it didn't happen. It was a dream. I love you." He said.
"What? Then, what? It was a dream? What the fuck. It was a nightmare. Oh god. It was horrible." I said as I cried into his shoulder.
What the hell kind of dream is that. It was such a nightmare. Why did I dream that? Where did that come from? Why did that happen?
I fell asleep crying in his arms. But this time I had no dreams. I was so thankful. I couldn't handle a dream like that.
****
I finally awoke on Billie Joe's bed. He must have placed me here once I had fallen asleep. I rolled over to my side to see Billie Joe's face. He was sleeping in the bed with me. I couldn't help but smile and kiss him on the head. He stirred a little and opened his eyes and looked at me with a smile.
"Hey. How're you now?" He said.
"I'm better." I said kissing him on the lips.
"Oo, you must be better." He said, pulling me closer to him.
"Well, you make me feel better."
"Indeed I do I suppose."
I laughed.
"You are so corny." I said.
"Off by one letter." He said with a mischevious grin
"Billie Joe!" I said laughing.
He laughed as well but stopped. He rolled over on top of me and bent down, kissing me on the lips.
"Billie Joe you are too horny and too naughty for you own good." I said as I deepened our kiss.
Suddenly, Mike and Tre walked in, of course. We've known Tre for about 3 years. He was the drummer of Billie Joe's and Mike's band.
"Oh.. uh, hey guys." Billie Joe said as he attempted to get off the bed but actually just fell off. I grabbed the sheets and covered myself up and stuck my hand out the covers and waved.
"Hey." I said, my voice muffled by the sheets.
"Oh, uh, sorry, Billie. Sorry Steph. We'll just.. see our way out." Mike said walking out the door.
Tre just stood there smiling. Mike walked back in and grabbed Tre.
"Come on your horny fuck." Mike said.
I took the covers off my head and sighed. Billie Joe got up and rubbed his head.
"We'll never hear the end of this." He said.
"It's not like we were naked! I still have cloths on and so do you!" I said.
"Well, I know but, still." He said as I got out of the bed.
"Steph, are you okay?" He said.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Because what I saw earlier was pretty scary."
"I know. It was just a nightmare though. Nothing real. Thank God." I said.
"Are you surey you're okay?" He said, again.
"Yes." I said kissing his forehead. "Now let's go find Tre and Mike. Not that that should be too hard."
We both laughed and head downstairs to find Tre and Mike talking on the couch and drinking some pop.
"Hello you two." Tre said.
"Shut up, Tre." I said laughing and sitting in a chair.
I stole Tre's pop which he hadn't opened yet and laughed.
"Damn you! I wanted that bad!" He said.
"Bite me!" I said laughing.
He got up and bit me and I pushed him to the ground.
"What the fuck!!" I yelled.
"Hey!" Billie Joe said. "That's my job."
We all laughed.
"So were you guys having fun when we interveened." Tre said.
"Wow, I didn't know you knew big words like that." I said.
"Nevertheless. Were you?"
I laughed, blushed, and looked down.
