You may not see me anymore, but I'm always with you Adrienne, chapter 2
One week had passed since the day of Billie's death. Adrienne was struggling to cope. Her life felt empty without Billie, she didn't feel complete, she felt half of a person. It was killing her inside, however with the help of her sons Joey and Jakob, she managed to last at least another week. There was one reason why she was carrying on with her life. That reason was her children, the fact that she couldn't leave them behind, it would be terrible that they lose their mother as well as their father.
Today was the day of the funeral. Adrienne was sat at her dressing table getting ready. She didn't want to go really, but she felt she needed to say one last goodbye to her husband. The only one she ever loved. Adrienne brushed her soft curls into a ponytail, when she saw her youngest son, Jakob, standing in the doorway.
"Mum, I miss daddy, where has he gone?" Jakob asked softly, his feet padding on the carpet as he made his way to Adrienne.
"He's gone to heaven baby" Adrienne replied, struggling to keep back the tears.
"Will we ever see him again?" Jakob asked awkwardly.
"No... no hunny we wont" Adrienne replied, this time a tear trickled down her soft skin.
Jakob let out a small sob, the thought of never seeing his dad again hurt him tremendously, the thought of no one to cheer him on when learning foot ball skills, no dad to help him tie his shoe laces.
After a few minutes of holding Jakob to help him calm down, Adrienne told him to go and get ready and Joey would help him with his shoes. She was then left alone in the room, wiping tears from her face. She sighed, reapplied her mascara which had run down her face, grabbed her jacket and got in the car with Joey and Jakob. She couldn't help but feel Billie should see them in their suits. It made them look so grown up, it made them look a lot more like Billie. There was silence in the car, as Adrienne pulled up outside the church. Adrienne held firmly onto Joey and Jakob's hands as they made their way up the steps of the church, to be greeted with a organ playing softly in the background. As soon as people registered they had entered, the whole room fell silent and sympathetic smiles were thrown towards their direction.
Adrienne breathed in heavily as soon as she saw the coffin at the front. She saw Tre and Mike standing by the side of the coffin, they greeted her with a small hug and patted the boys on the head softly. No one said a word to each other as Adrienne, Joey and Jakob made their way to the front seats.
Adrienne turned her head back towards the door, where she could make a glimpse of a few beloved fans holding up banners saying words such as 'rest in peace punk god' or 'we'll never forget you Billie'. Adrienne gave a sad smile at the banners, and turned back towards the front where she noticed the priest had entered, and was standing besides the coffin.
It was hard for Adrienne to take in the fact that her husband was lying inside the coffin, cold and lifeless, yet full of love from his family and friends.
Adrienne couldn't pay attention to what the priest was saying throughout the first part of the ceremony, all that filled her head was how much she missed Billie, and how much she felt guilty that it was her fault things had ended this way. Adrienne jumped as she felt a cold hand on her knee. She looked up to see Mike smiling down at her. She tried, she really tried, but she couldn't quite bring herself to smile back at him.
As the ceremony continued everyone walked outside, to where Billie was to be laid peacefully in the ground. Adrienne couldn't watch as men in black mournfully carried the coffin in which Billie lay, out towards the grave yard. Dark clouds had gathered in the sky and crows were swooping between the trees completing the atmosphere.
Once everyone had said their piece, Billie was slowly laid to rest deep underground. Adrienne noticed Joey and Jakob crying their little hearts out, crying for their beloved father. She also noticed a soft song in the background, she listened carefully and recognised the song playing was Good Riddence/Time of your life. The perfect song.
Once Billie had been lowered, Adrienne stepped forward and shakily grabbed a handful of soil, sprinkling it gently on top of the coffin which was engraved 'beloved father, husband and punk legend'. People slowly start to drift away after saying their last goodbyes to Billie, leaving Adrienne, Joey, Jakob, Tre and Mike stood looking down at where Billie lifelessly lays.
Adrienne reached in her pocket and pulled out a slightly crumpled photograph. It was a picture taken about a year ago, they were down on the beach, sat on some rocks. Adrienne was looking into the camera, a huge smile on her face. Billie was sat next to her with his arm round her and smiling at her. Then sat on both their laps, were Joey and Jakob, both with their faces plastered in ice cream. This was her favourite picture of the family, she kept it everywhere she went, until now. She looked down at the photo, kissed it gently and held it close to her heart before placing it down onto the coffin.
That is when it happened, a single tear seeped down her cheek. The first tear she had shed throughout the whole funeral. But within this single tear, seeped out all her emotions that were blocked up inside, anger, fear, guilt and most importantly, love.
"You know Adrienne, you can get through this and if you ever need anything you can come to me" Mike said softly. Adrienne didn't look at Mike but replied with a small thank you. Mike took this as a signal she needed to be alone, so gently picked Jakob up and took Joey by the hand, leading them back towards the church, and giving a signal to Tre to follow them inside.
Once they had gone, Adrienne kneeled down and looked down towards the coffin, she took her wedding ring off from her finger, found the Billie's wedding ring which he had given her the night of his death, and placed them both on a gold chain. She held it tightly in her hand for a moment, never really wanting to let go from it.
"Billie, babe, I know you can hear me, I just wanted to say, well I love you Billie and there will always be a place for you in my heart. Have a peaceful time in heaven" Adrienne said softly, letting one last tear drip onto the top of the coffin. She held out the hand with the rings in over the top of the coffin and let the chain with the rings on, drop onto the coffin.
With that she steadied herself as she got back up, and walked back towards the church her curls blowing in the wind. As she entered Mike smiled at her, with both Joey and Jakob asleep and resting thei heads on his shoulder. Adrienne gave a small smile back and walked up to where they were sat. Everything was going to be fine. Wasn't it?
For the next few days, Adrienne struggled to maintain her usual self. People would talk to her sympathetically, telling her they were sorry about Billie's death. But this only angered her more. They didn't need to apologise, it wasn't them that killed Billie after all. One day it all got so much for her that she just grabbed her car keys and headed out the house, slamming the door behind her. Of course she didn't leave Joey and Jakob on their own, Mike had been visiting regularly to check up on her. Tre however had been keeping a low profile, not wanting to stir anything up as he knew full well that he was the one who pushed Billie over the bridge. He thinks Adrienne doesn't know it was him, she does but she doesn't want to cause any more trouble so has just shut him out of her life rather than press charges.
She got into the car, and drove of down to the local park, her hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel, causing her knuckles to go white. As soon as she arrived, she sat herself down on a bench by the river and hung her head. The anger was building up inside her. She could feel it and she knew one day she would burst. But for now she tried to contain her anger, not for her sake, but for Billie's sake.
"Excuse me m'am, but aren't you Adrienne Armstrong?" She heard a male's voice say. 'Oh great, she tries to get away from everyone bothering her and she has to bump into some stupid fan who's going to bother her with their simpathy' she thought to herself.
"Yeah that's me, but before you say anything, I don't want your sympathy so please leave me alone" she replied, not looking up.
"Oh I wasn't going to be sympathetic, unless you wanted me to, I was only going to say how brave and strong I think you are, I heard about Billie's death, how tragic it was yet how you braved it out and have come this far" the man replied.
Adrienne looked up and came to face an open friendly smile.
"Thanks, but you don't know how hard this is for me." She replied, looking into the mans deep brown eyes.
"Well, my wife passed away about a year ago now, and I know how hard it was for me to get through it, I think the worst thing was all the sympathy I got from friends, I didn't want their sympathy I just wanted to be left alone to be able to move on with my life" he replied, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Oh well yeah it is hard, harder than I thought, I put on a brave face a lot of the time, but deep down I feel like I just can't cope anymore, it's eating me up inside." Adrienne said, feeling tears well up in her eyes. "People just don't understand" she added, tears falling from her anger filled eyes. The man let her drain her feelings.
"I'm Markus by the way" the man said holding out a hand to greet her, once she had calmed down a little. She smiled, shaking the man's hand.
"You don't really need to introduce yourself seen as I know who you are" Markus said, a wide smile across his face.
"Thanks, at least I have one person around here that really understands how I really feel" Adrienne sobbed.
"Any time, if you need to call me, here's my number" Markus said, writing his number down on a bit of scrap paper, then handing it to Adrienne. "I guess I'll see you around, and Adrienne, I know you can do this, anything you need help with just give me a call ok?" he said, getting up to go.
"Yeah, and thanks Markus, I really needed someone sane I could talk to" she replied. Markus chuckled as he walked away back down the path.
A couple of hours later, Adrienne returned home to a few faces with look of worry across them.
"Where the hell have you been Adrienne?" Mike burst out, rushing over to her, giving her a hug.
"I just went out for a walk, I needed to sort my head out that's all" she replied, heading up the stairs. Her mood had lifted slightly, knowing she had someone to go to if she ever had a problem. When she entered her room, she shook her hair loose from the ponytail, leaving soft deep brown curls, with a tint of gold flowing around her shoulders. She got undressed, pulled back her bed covers and for the first time in ages, she fell fast asleep.
Today was the day of the funeral. Adrienne was sat at her dressing table getting ready. She didn't want to go really, but she felt she needed to say one last goodbye to her husband. The only one she ever loved. Adrienne brushed her soft curls into a ponytail, when she saw her youngest son, Jakob, standing in the doorway.
"Mum, I miss daddy, where has he gone?" Jakob asked softly, his feet padding on the carpet as he made his way to Adrienne.
"He's gone to heaven baby" Adrienne replied, struggling to keep back the tears.
"Will we ever see him again?" Jakob asked awkwardly.
"No... no hunny we wont" Adrienne replied, this time a tear trickled down her soft skin.
Jakob let out a small sob, the thought of never seeing his dad again hurt him tremendously, the thought of no one to cheer him on when learning foot ball skills, no dad to help him tie his shoe laces.
After a few minutes of holding Jakob to help him calm down, Adrienne told him to go and get ready and Joey would help him with his shoes. She was then left alone in the room, wiping tears from her face. She sighed, reapplied her mascara which had run down her face, grabbed her jacket and got in the car with Joey and Jakob. She couldn't help but feel Billie should see them in their suits. It made them look so grown up, it made them look a lot more like Billie. There was silence in the car, as Adrienne pulled up outside the church. Adrienne held firmly onto Joey and Jakob's hands as they made their way up the steps of the church, to be greeted with a organ playing softly in the background. As soon as people registered they had entered, the whole room fell silent and sympathetic smiles were thrown towards their direction.
Adrienne breathed in heavily as soon as she saw the coffin at the front. She saw Tre and Mike standing by the side of the coffin, they greeted her with a small hug and patted the boys on the head softly. No one said a word to each other as Adrienne, Joey and Jakob made their way to the front seats.
Adrienne turned her head back towards the door, where she could make a glimpse of a few beloved fans holding up banners saying words such as 'rest in peace punk god' or 'we'll never forget you Billie'. Adrienne gave a sad smile at the banners, and turned back towards the front where she noticed the priest had entered, and was standing besides the coffin.
It was hard for Adrienne to take in the fact that her husband was lying inside the coffin, cold and lifeless, yet full of love from his family and friends.
Adrienne couldn't pay attention to what the priest was saying throughout the first part of the ceremony, all that filled her head was how much she missed Billie, and how much she felt guilty that it was her fault things had ended this way. Adrienne jumped as she felt a cold hand on her knee. She looked up to see Mike smiling down at her. She tried, she really tried, but she couldn't quite bring herself to smile back at him.
As the ceremony continued everyone walked outside, to where Billie was to be laid peacefully in the ground. Adrienne couldn't watch as men in black mournfully carried the coffin in which Billie lay, out towards the grave yard. Dark clouds had gathered in the sky and crows were swooping between the trees completing the atmosphere.
Once everyone had said their piece, Billie was slowly laid to rest deep underground. Adrienne noticed Joey and Jakob crying their little hearts out, crying for their beloved father. She also noticed a soft song in the background, she listened carefully and recognised the song playing was Good Riddence/Time of your life. The perfect song.
Once Billie had been lowered, Adrienne stepped forward and shakily grabbed a handful of soil, sprinkling it gently on top of the coffin which was engraved 'beloved father, husband and punk legend'. People slowly start to drift away after saying their last goodbyes to Billie, leaving Adrienne, Joey, Jakob, Tre and Mike stood looking down at where Billie lifelessly lays.
Adrienne reached in her pocket and pulled out a slightly crumpled photograph. It was a picture taken about a year ago, they were down on the beach, sat on some rocks. Adrienne was looking into the camera, a huge smile on her face. Billie was sat next to her with his arm round her and smiling at her. Then sat on both their laps, were Joey and Jakob, both with their faces plastered in ice cream. This was her favourite picture of the family, she kept it everywhere she went, until now. She looked down at the photo, kissed it gently and held it close to her heart before placing it down onto the coffin.
That is when it happened, a single tear seeped down her cheek. The first tear she had shed throughout the whole funeral. But within this single tear, seeped out all her emotions that were blocked up inside, anger, fear, guilt and most importantly, love.
"You know Adrienne, you can get through this and if you ever need anything you can come to me" Mike said softly. Adrienne didn't look at Mike but replied with a small thank you. Mike took this as a signal she needed to be alone, so gently picked Jakob up and took Joey by the hand, leading them back towards the church, and giving a signal to Tre to follow them inside.
Once they had gone, Adrienne kneeled down and looked down towards the coffin, she took her wedding ring off from her finger, found the Billie's wedding ring which he had given her the night of his death, and placed them both on a gold chain. She held it tightly in her hand for a moment, never really wanting to let go from it.
"Billie, babe, I know you can hear me, I just wanted to say, well I love you Billie and there will always be a place for you in my heart. Have a peaceful time in heaven" Adrienne said softly, letting one last tear drip onto the top of the coffin. She held out the hand with the rings in over the top of the coffin and let the chain with the rings on, drop onto the coffin.
With that she steadied herself as she got back up, and walked back towards the church her curls blowing in the wind. As she entered Mike smiled at her, with both Joey and Jakob asleep and resting thei heads on his shoulder. Adrienne gave a small smile back and walked up to where they were sat. Everything was going to be fine. Wasn't it?
For the next few days, Adrienne struggled to maintain her usual self. People would talk to her sympathetically, telling her they were sorry about Billie's death. But this only angered her more. They didn't need to apologise, it wasn't them that killed Billie after all. One day it all got so much for her that she just grabbed her car keys and headed out the house, slamming the door behind her. Of course she didn't leave Joey and Jakob on their own, Mike had been visiting regularly to check up on her. Tre however had been keeping a low profile, not wanting to stir anything up as he knew full well that he was the one who pushed Billie over the bridge. He thinks Adrienne doesn't know it was him, she does but she doesn't want to cause any more trouble so has just shut him out of her life rather than press charges.
She got into the car, and drove of down to the local park, her hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel, causing her knuckles to go white. As soon as she arrived, she sat herself down on a bench by the river and hung her head. The anger was building up inside her. She could feel it and she knew one day she would burst. But for now she tried to contain her anger, not for her sake, but for Billie's sake.
"Excuse me m'am, but aren't you Adrienne Armstrong?" She heard a male's voice say. 'Oh great, she tries to get away from everyone bothering her and she has to bump into some stupid fan who's going to bother her with their simpathy' she thought to herself.
"Yeah that's me, but before you say anything, I don't want your sympathy so please leave me alone" she replied, not looking up.
"Oh I wasn't going to be sympathetic, unless you wanted me to, I was only going to say how brave and strong I think you are, I heard about Billie's death, how tragic it was yet how you braved it out and have come this far" the man replied.
Adrienne looked up and came to face an open friendly smile.
"Thanks, but you don't know how hard this is for me." She replied, looking into the mans deep brown eyes.
"Well, my wife passed away about a year ago now, and I know how hard it was for me to get through it, I think the worst thing was all the sympathy I got from friends, I didn't want their sympathy I just wanted to be left alone to be able to move on with my life" he replied, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Oh well yeah it is hard, harder than I thought, I put on a brave face a lot of the time, but deep down I feel like I just can't cope anymore, it's eating me up inside." Adrienne said, feeling tears well up in her eyes. "People just don't understand" she added, tears falling from her anger filled eyes. The man let her drain her feelings.
"I'm Markus by the way" the man said holding out a hand to greet her, once she had calmed down a little. She smiled, shaking the man's hand.
"You don't really need to introduce yourself seen as I know who you are" Markus said, a wide smile across his face.
"Thanks, at least I have one person around here that really understands how I really feel" Adrienne sobbed.
"Any time, if you need to call me, here's my number" Markus said, writing his number down on a bit of scrap paper, then handing it to Adrienne. "I guess I'll see you around, and Adrienne, I know you can do this, anything you need help with just give me a call ok?" he said, getting up to go.
"Yeah, and thanks Markus, I really needed someone sane I could talk to" she replied. Markus chuckled as he walked away back down the path.
A couple of hours later, Adrienne returned home to a few faces with look of worry across them.
"Where the hell have you been Adrienne?" Mike burst out, rushing over to her, giving her a hug.
"I just went out for a walk, I needed to sort my head out that's all" she replied, heading up the stairs. Her mood had lifted slightly, knowing she had someone to go to if she ever had a problem. When she entered her room, she shook her hair loose from the ponytail, leaving soft deep brown curls, with a tint of gold flowing around her shoulders. She got undressed, pulled back her bed covers and for the first time in ages, she fell fast asleep.
